Why did Jesus leave the door to his tomb open?

Because he was born in a barn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malcolm_Y
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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If the Pyramids really were tombs, Would we still call them Pyramids? Rather,

Instead, we should call them DIE-Angles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Linksys120n
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Pharaoh tried to sell Amway to help offset the costs of his burial tomb.

Turns out it was a pyramid scheme.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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People who robbed the tombs of Pharos really put themselves in grave danger.

I'm sure this has been said before but it just came to my mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jynx-
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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Archeologists in Egypt have uncovered the tomb of a mummy that appears to be covered in chocolate and hazelnuts

It's beleived to be the long lost Pharoah Rocher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/philbertagain
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
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Did you know they found chocolate in the tombs of the early Egyptians? It was found in the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jbroderick
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2016
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PraetorSolaris
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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New tomb discovered

A new tomb has been discovered in the valley of the kings, Egypt. The grave goods seem to consist purely of ancient chocolate and nuts. Apparently, the tomb belonged to the 'Pharaoh Rocher'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minefield2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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Why did the musician lose a gig at a funeral?

He couldn’t find the right tomb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TITANofATHENS
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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Egyptian Family

A group of archeologist went inside an ancient Egyptian tomb and they found a family of mummies.

One of the archeologist pointed to the female one and said, "Oh look! A mummy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fujoshi_Baka
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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The "Philogelos" is a collection of ancient Roman dad jokes

"Philogelos" or "The Laughter Lover" is a collection of 265 ancient Roman jokes, written in the 4th century AD. Some of them feel... very appropriate for this sub:

  • A boy caught sight of a deep well on his country-estate, and asked if the water was any good. The farmhands assured him that it was good, and that his own parents used to drink from that well. The boy expressed his amazement: "How long were their necks, if they could drink from something so deep!"

  • When a boy was told by someone, "Your beard is now coming in," he went to the rear-entrance and waited for it.

  • A boy checked in on the parents of a dead classmate. The father was wailing: "O son, you have left me a cripple!" The mother was crying: "O son, you have taken the light from my eyes!" Later, the boy suggested to his friends: "Well, if he were guilty of all that, he probably deserved to die!"

  • A boy came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had 'departed', the intellectual replied: "When he arrives back, will you tell him that I stopped by?"

  • A boy had been at a wedding-reception. As he was leaving, he said: "What a wonderful ceremony! I pray that your next marriages are as enjoyable as this one."

  • A man met his friend in the street, who said: "Congratulations! I hear that you've got a new baby boy!" The man replied: "Indeed, but I'm still trying to find the father!"

  • A man saw a eunuch talking with a woman and asked him if she was his wife. When he replied that eunuchs can't have wives, the man asked: "So is she your daughter?"

  • A man was being heckled by a friend: "I had your wife, without paying a dime!" The man replied: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?'

  • An incompetent schoolteacher was asked who the mother of Priam was. Not knowing the answer, he said: "Well, I suppose it's polite to call her Ma'am."

  • A man, just back from a trip abroad, went to an incompetent fortune-teller. He asked about his family, and the fortune-teller replied: "Everyone is fine, especially your father." When the man objected that his father had been dead for ten years, the reply came: "Ah, then you must have no clue who your real father is!"

  • A misogynist paid his last respects at the tomb of his dead wife. When someone asked him, "Who has gone to rest?," he replied: "Me, at last!"

You can find more here and [here](http://publishing.y

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AttalusPius
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2016
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