The Stronger Puns

Before every battle, the resistors meditate saying, "ohm..."

They're going to have a bunch of flex seals on their hands.

I also hate the dentist. Weeks went by and each day the pain was worse. My wife was also complaining how bad the smell of my farts were becoming. When I finally went to the dentist she informed me I had an abscessed tooth. Then it all made sense. Abscess makes the fart grow stronger.

The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve rope here." The length of rope leaves, and comes back later with a disguise. The bartender says "I just told you, we don't serve rope here." The rope decides that he'll get stronger and force his way into the bar. So, he starts stretching and exercising, twisting himself around, and rubs his back against the brick wall to build pain tolerance. When he returns to the bar, the bartender looks at him. "Weren't you the length of rope I kicked out earlier?"

"No," the rope responds. "I'm a frayed knot."

A couple of weeks ago, we were at home with my husband, having a few drinks at the end of the week and just relaxing. I had a glass of Dr. Pepper in front of me that I mixed with some rum. He came up and asked me if I wanted to grab "something stronger," assuming it was straight Pepper in the glass. I declined, saying that it's already mixed.

Him: "Didn't realize it was already doctored."

Me: "Yup, a doctored Doctor. Gimme the news."

I'll just show myself out. You're welcome for the earworm.

I made dinner for my parents and while eating I decided I didn't like it and I mentioned the flavor needs to be stronger. My dad comes out with "perhaps it should join a gym" mum and I just stared

While my wife was in the kitchen fixing a snack, (after putting our little boy down for a nap) she says:

"Did you seriously eat all the peanut butter and then put the jar back in the pantry?"

Me: Damn Skippy

As her groans became stronger, I exited stage left

My dad and I were doing some spring lawn care in my yard yesterday.

When we were near the gardens he asked me "Why don't you plant the onions next to the potatoes?" I said I'm not sure, probably because there's not enough room.

He says to me, "Good thing, it would just make their eyes water anyway."

My love for him grows stronger.

Doctor: Do you want any painkillers? Have you got anything at home?

Me: We've got some paracetamol

Doctor: Would you like anything a bit stronger?

Dad chimes in: I'm sure it couldn't hurt...

He was a bit dismayed the doctor didn't catch it until I started laughing.