Downloaded film Titanic for the family to watch this evening. Annoyingly Video and Sound has come across in separate files.

It's syncing right now.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/iseb3881
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What sound did the piano make when it was thrown off the barracks roof?

A flat major.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
My favorite part of the morning is the sound of pouring coffee into my metal thermos

It’s the little tings in life, ya know?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Cold_Shogun
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
My sister has been reading game of thrones and she really liked the line "the sound of steel on steel"

So she decided to steel it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bean_burrito14
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that auditoriums are designed to have sound bounce around to the audience?

This doesn’t happen with pigeons, though. This is because a coo sticks

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
The Mysterious Sound

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles, when you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some 54 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.

He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.

He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire, And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.

The man is relieved to know that he has finally reached to the end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But he can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

show more
πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gasballbutsmol
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My favorite sound is the smoke detector...

β€˜cause that’s how I know supper is almost ready.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
The sound from a musician on stage bounces off an auditoriums walls to surround the audience, however

The sound from a pigeon does not, because a coo sticks.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/heightsenberg
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I made a joke about the song Staying Alive and how it sounds like women singing. Apparently many of you didn’t like it.

Hereby my sincere apolobeegies!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pleasethelions
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the sound engineer say on his last day of work?

Audios

πŸ‘οΈŽ 38
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bonjourkoala
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
English for foreigners... When do S and C sound the same?

When it's necessary.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Scientists have recently recorded the sounds of two helium atoms laughing

HeHe

πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/electricianmagician
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
How do we know that a tree makes a sound if it falls in the forest?

Because it will dialogue.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My 3yo is in a phase where he makes up words a lot, and today I heard him singing "Crotch-ohs, crotch-ohs" over and over. I told my wife, "That sounds like the worst breakfast cereal ever..."

"But at least it's made with whole groins."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pleasedothenerdful
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.

This is because of a-coo-sticks.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 160
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nebulas-Entity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m telling my 5yr old about the wonderful world of literature and she says it sounds boring. I responded with

But... it’s lit! Hits the dad dab

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/vbloke
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I made up a joke about the sound a tap makes when you turn it on full blast, but no one got it.

Whoosh.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Frond_Dishlock
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the audiologist say after turning up the sound all the way.

Hertz don’t it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FastestFetus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Niagara sounds like the antonym of viagra. Now you know why it falls.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tidduu
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What are the most relaxing sounds to a pirate?

"A.S.M....'ARRR!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/uuuu777777
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
If a judge loves the sound of his own voice,

expect a long sentence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour was a selling a speaker system for just $1. When I asked him why it was so cheap he told me that you cant adjust the sound, the volume is stuck at the loudest setting.

I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad was an organ player at basketball games, one time something got stuck on the organ and it made such a loud sound he sadly died.

The death was listed as β€œorgan failure”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/benyou34
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.

I was in diss-gust.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Huggsy-The-Penguin
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
In olden times, making jokes about the way words sound was unfavored by society and would warrant a sever beating.

This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/brayradberry
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. I said "That means I would only be able to find you using sound ...

so nah!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Conan-doodle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?

Ba-dump-tss

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Euclase777
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the sound an exploding sheep makes?

Sis’s, boom, baah.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Shadeauxmarie
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If two pharaoh's farts sound the same...

Do they have a Tutankhamun?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/t1ao_official
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m afraid of confusing words that sound the same but spelled differently.

I’m homophonophobic.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I like the sound of β€œfiancé”

It has a ring to it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 604
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Wi11Pow3r
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
It is purple/red and makes a nibbling sound when you squat in the grass

Vegetarian hemorrhoids

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/meegja
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.

It's called Parking Son's disease.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Sounds like a joke my dad would crack at the dinner table. /r/3amjokes/comments/fzt6…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Yugglez
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I have a black belt of the 22nd degree.

I just store it at room temperature.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
The world has been taken storm by jokes exploiting the different possible meanings of words or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.

Stay safe everyone. This is a global pundemic.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chadnav
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 17 2020
🚨︎ report
An audience member asked me how I made the brisk sharp cracking sound with my hand.

I told her it was a snap.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the name of that new rap group taking the world by storm with an infectious sound ?

The Wuhan Clan

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tinyroundballs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
This place sounds like the tits!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 167
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Redwards2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The sound of him throwing his phone will be hear throughout the universe
πŸ‘οΈŽ 45
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/IDoNotHaveACunt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/podgress
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this.

The reason is a coo sticks.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CarlosMingos22
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.