Downloaded film Titanic for the family to watch this evening. Annoyingly Video and Sound has come across in separate files.

It's syncing right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iseb3881
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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What sound did the piano make when it was thrown off the barracks roof?

A flat major.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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My favorite part of the morning is the sound of pouring coffee into my metal thermos

It’s the little tings in life, ya know?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cold_Shogun
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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My sister has been reading game of thrones and she really liked the line "the sound of steel on steel"

So she decided to steel it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bean_burrito14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Did you know that auditoriums are designed to have sound bounce around to the audience?

This doesn’t happen with pigeons, though. This is because a coo sticks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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The Mysterious Sound

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.

The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles, when you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some 54 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.

He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.

The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.

He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.

The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.

Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire, And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.

Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.

The man is relieved to know that he has finally reached to the end.

He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But he can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gasballbutsmol
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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My favorite sound is the smoke detector...

β€˜cause that’s how I know supper is almost ready.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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The sound from a musician on stage bounces off an auditoriums walls to surround the audience, however

The sound from a pigeon does not, because a coo sticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heightsenberg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I made a joke about the song Staying Alive and how it sounds like women singing. Apparently many of you didn’t like it.

Hereby my sincere apolobeegies!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pleasethelions
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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What did the sound engineer say on his last day of work?

Audios

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonjourkoala
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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English for foreigners... When do S and C sound the same?

When it's necessary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Scientists have recently recorded the sounds of two helium atoms laughing

HeHe

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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How do we know that a tree makes a sound if it falls in the forest?

Because it will dialogue.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachpledger
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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My 3yo is in a phase where he makes up words a lot, and today I heard him singing "Crotch-ohs, crotch-ohs" over and over. I told my wife, "That sounds like the worst breakfast cereal ever..."

"But at least it's made with whole groins."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.

This is because of a-coo-sticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nebulas-Entity
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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I’m telling my 5yr old about the wonderful world of literature and she says it sounds boring. I responded with

But... it’s lit! Hits the dad dab

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coloredboyadvance
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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I made up a joke about the sound a tap makes when you turn it on full blast, but no one got it.

Whoosh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frond_Dishlock
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What did the audiologist say after turning up the sound all the way.

Hertz don’t it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FastestFetus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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Niagara sounds like the antonym of viagra. Now you know why it falls.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tidduu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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What are the most relaxing sounds to a pirate?

"A.S.M....'ARRR!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uuuu777777
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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If a judge loves the sound of his own voice,

expect a long sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My neighbour was a selling a speaker system for just $1. When I asked him why it was so cheap he told me that you cant adjust the sound, the volume is stuck at the loudest setting.

I said "Wow, I cant turn that down"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingSulley
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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My dad was an organ player at basketball games, one time something got stuck on the organ and it made such a loud sound he sadly died.

The death was listed as β€œorgan failure”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benyou34
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.

I was in diss-gust.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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In olden times, making jokes about the way words sound was unfavored by society and would warrant a sever beating.

This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brayradberry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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My daughter wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. I said "That means I would only be able to find you using sound ...

so nah!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conan-doodle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?

Ba-dump-tss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Euclase777
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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What is the sound an exploding sheep makes?

Sis’s, boom, baah.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadeauxmarie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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If two pharaoh's farts sound the same...

Do they have a Tutankhamun?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/t1ao_official
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
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I’m afraid of confusing words that sound the same but spelled differently.

I’m homophonophobic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brainsonastick
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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I like the sound of β€œfiancé”

It has a ring to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wi11Pow3r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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It is purple/red and makes a nibbling sound when you squat in the grass

Vegetarian hemorrhoids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meegja
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.

It's called Parking Son's disease.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
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Sounds like a joke my dad would crack at the dinner table. /r/3amjokes/comments/fzt6…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugglez
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but I have a black belt of the 22nd degree.

I just store it at room temperature.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
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The world has been taken storm by jokes exploiting the different possible meanings of words or the fact that there are words which sound alike but have different meanings.

Stay safe everyone. This is a global pundemic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chadnav
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2020
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An audience member asked me how I made the brisk sharp cracking sound with my hand.

I told her it was a snap.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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What's the name of that new rap group taking the world by storm with an infectious sound ?

The Wuhan Clan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinyroundballs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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This place sounds like the tits!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Redwards2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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The sound of him throwing his phone will be hear throughout the universe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IDoNotHaveACunt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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A struggling young news reporter was having trouble getting good sound bites from the politicians she was sent out to interview, so she invited an experienced colleague out to dinner to ask for advice.

The would-be mentor insisted on going to a seafood restaurant and then he ordered his favorite meal for the both of them. When the hard working, fresh-out-of-journalism-school grad asked the veteran newshound how he always managed to get witty phrases from the Prime Ministers and Presidents he interviewed, a sly smile swam across his face.

Intrigued, she watched intently while he reached for his wallet then removed a €5 note. Holding it toward her face over the table, she was surprised when the greying beat writer dropped the money directly on her uneaten dinner and held an index finger to his closed lips.

As they both looked down at the seafood platter, his paper Euro was suddenly sucked under the rings of fried calamari until it disappeared from sight. After what sounded like a stand-up comedian clearing his throat, a male voice with an Eastern European accent clearly rose out of her food. It said, "Trump asked for dirt on Biden so I sent him some good Ukrainian topsoil."

As the gobsmacked gal with mouth agape slowly raised her eyes to her grinning dinner guest's face, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "squid pro quote".

Required Explanation: "squid pro quote" is a play on words for the saying "quid pro quo", a Latin phrase meaning "something for something". In the news at the time of this posting a tremendous amount of discussion is being circulated about whether or not US president Trump dangled a quid pro quo offer in front of Ukraine's newly elected president, Volodymyr Zelensky. The deal had nothing to do with seafood however, so that was just a red herring. It should also be noted that Mr. Zelensky, before diving into politics, was a stand-up comedian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/podgress
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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Scientists record the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound from a pigeon on stage does not do this.

The reason is a coo sticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarlosMingos22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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