The Schoolgirl Puns

Either she's getting wise to my jokes or she's tired of them. Doesn't matter because she got me good.

We're on a low carb diet and she recently bought a cookbook. So we go out to the store and she picks up some whey protein.

"We can make pancakes with this!", says the wife.

"No whey!" I remark, holding back my schoolgirl giggle.

She rolls her eyes, "You're whey out of line this time."

It was subtle, and you'll need to know some 80s trivia. It was really bad, but I also think it was pretty clever.

I was driving to Dave and Buster's with my dad, his girlfriend, and my younger siblings when "This Is It" by Kenny Loggins came on the radio.

Dad: "Is this Kenny Loggins? It sounds like him."

Dad's GF: "Yeah, I remember this song. It was before he got big."

Dad: "Ah. He's pretty lucky he cut Footloose, then."

Brother: "What's Footloose?"

Dad's GF: "It was a movie that came out when-"

Me: "Wait... Dammit, Dad."

Dad's GF: "What? ... Oh, God. Really, Chris? Really?"

He spent the rest of the 45 minute ride giggling like a schoolgirl.

My dad (57) and I (17) were washing our hands after taking care of business in the public restroom of our local grocery store. The sinks were automatic, the kind you don't have to touch. After wetting my hands and getting some soap, my sink shut off and his kept running. I could not get mine to turn back on as he rinsed his mitts. As I struggle to get it back on by waving my hands my dad grabs some paper towel and looks at me with the most serious expression and he says "Ever feel like you're... Invisible?" Then giggles like a schoolgirl out the door.

My dad spots the sign and goes: "They say that, but they never sell any fleas there.."

I was in the car with my two cousins, and I just couldn't stop giggling like a schoolgirl...