A math majorβs girlfriend is equal to the square root of -100
A perfect 10 but also imaginary
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︎ Oct 11 2021
So, the other day I was having some root beer, then I put in a square cup
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︎ Dec 18 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.
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︎ May 25 2021
Who do you call if a root vegetable is injured?
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︎ Dec 14 2021
What Did One Root Vegetable Say To The Other
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︎ Oct 20 2021
Somebody was telling a group how he had two root canals done in the last week ...
And I blurted out "if you two root canals isn't that just a canal?"
Proudest I've ever been of a joke that fell flat
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︎ Oct 27 2021
When you come across the square root of some negative crap and then you decide to square itβ¦..
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︎ Oct 27 2021
When they did a root canal on me, they hypnotized me first so I wouldnβt remember the pain.
It was a trance-and-dental experience!
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︎ Sep 06 2021
Instead of using surgical equipment to perform my circumcision, the doctor decided to go with a root vegetable.
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︎ Oct 21 2021
The word studying comes from the root words
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︎ Oct 03 2021
I just joined a gang called square root 2
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︎ Nov 08 2021
What is the square root of 69?
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︎ Aug 20 2021
I see
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︎ Dec 17 2021
I couldn't remember the square root of 16, then I remembered the math teacher...
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︎ Sep 03 2021
Roots are pretty sketchy
Theyβre an underground organization
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︎ Sep 27 2021
Why do the numbers 3 and 5 make such a great team?
Because together they thrive.
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︎ Dec 07 2021
A man walks into his dentistβs office for a root canal. To his surprise, she finishes the procedure in just 10 minutes.
He asks: βHow did you do that so quickly?β
The dentist replies: βOh, itβs just a root-tine procedure.β
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︎ Aug 10 2021
While watching Harry Potter once, I said to my Dad βI wonder what the Hogwarts version of a dirty magazine would beβ as Harry was rooting through his chest of things.
Without skipping a beat he said βWhorelocks.β
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︎ May 20 2021
When is the best time to book a root canal appointment?
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︎ Jul 01 2021
My dentist did a root canal on the wrong tooth...
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︎ May 21 2021
Breaking news from Wuhan: Widespread attacks on locals by large black-and-white bears.
Authorities fear a pandamic.
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︎ Dec 23 2021
What is the square root of a cat?
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︎ Mar 31 2021
The Ancient Romans II
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︎ Dec 29 2021
What root beer do dogs drink?
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︎ Oct 08 2021
Possibly the greatest Snap Reaction dad joke I've ever told (it even got me a POWERFUL groan and vehement FU from my wife)
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!"
Her: "What the hell does that mean?!"
Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
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︎ Jan 10 2022
The two genders
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︎ Dec 27 2021
What's the opposite of a croissant?
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︎ Jan 09 2022
How did the tree access the internet?
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︎ Nov 19 2021
As i child i was forced to walk the plank
We couldn't afford a dog...
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︎ Jan 10 2022
My wife and I always fight over the right way to hang the toilet paper roll, so our therapist suggested we try the other person's way for a week.
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︎ Jan 10 2022
When my wife caught me standing on the bathroom scales, sucking in my stomach, she laughed, βHa! Thatβs not going to help!β I replied, βSure, it does.β
βItβs the only way I can see the numbers.β
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︎ Dec 22 2021
Hereβs a positive post for the new year
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︎ Jan 01 2022
I told my daughter that I saw a deer on the way to work this morning. She asked me...
βHow do you know it was on itβs way to work?β
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︎ Dec 25 2021
Word on the street is, Cookie Monster has tested positive for COVID
It's the Om nom nom nomicron variant.
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︎ Dec 23 2021
The Stabacus
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︎ Dec 21 2021
My son was born yesterday and is in the NICU. [META]
What are your best dad jokes? Whoever tells me the funniest one will have the honor of knowing their dad joke was my first as a dad.
Edit: there are two winners.
The first is one I told to my wife. It is about him being born with 4 kidneys but two of them will become adult knees. Thank you u/cabbithunt
The second I told me son. "There are two fish in a tank. One fish looks at the other and says 'I'll drive you man the guns.'" Thank you u/kiabe1
Edit 2: After two weeks in the NICU, we have convinced the doctors to let us upgraded to the wireless home version. Thank you all for your well wishes and jokes.
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︎ Dec 09 2021
While watching βHome Aloneβ we were at the tar-on-the-basement-steps scene, and my daughter asks βwhere would you even get tar?β And my wife saidβ¦
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︎ Dec 26 2021
TIL that the Ancient Romans had four types of poison. Poisons I, II, and III instantly killed the victim upon contact.
Poison IV, though, just made the victim extremely itchy.
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︎ Dec 16 2021
How do you measure the magnitude of the pun in a dad joke?
With a sighsmograph
Edit: Wow, you guys, Thank-you the the awards and upvotes. If only my family appreciated this joke as much as you do!
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︎ Jan 03 2022
A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.
They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society. >
The boomer waves this off and says the kids these days are just too sensitive, and that he fought for civil rights in the sixties and did his part.
They go back and forth on this for a while, and finally the Gen Z kid says, "we're just not gonna settle this. We don't see eye to eye. You're too old and out of touch and I'm too young and inexperienced. What we need to do is ask a Millennial with a PhD in sociology for their opinion."
The boomer says, "that's a great idea!" And yells, "HEY BARTENDER, C'MERE!"
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︎ Nov 19 2021
What is the capital of Poland?
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︎ Dec 04 2021
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
Sheβs a perfect 10, but imaginary.
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︎ Jul 31 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81
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︎ May 22 2021
What happens when you put root beer in a square glass?
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︎ Nov 09 2021
My girlfriend is a square root of -100
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
I poured root beer in a square glass.
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︎ Nov 09 2021
I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81
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︎ Jun 01 2021
I asked a german friend if he knew the square root of 81.
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︎ Jun 24 2021
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