I saw another coworker using the mayonnaise with my name on it from the fridge in the break room.
I said to him, “What the Hellman?”
The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."
The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."
The hottest place in a room is the corners.
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.
Why did the pilot get sent to his room
I pine fir the good oak days, when it was poplar to spruce up the living room with a real tree.
In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...
If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.
It would be a Pangea breakfast
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.
But she still won't admit she framed me.
I decided to go on a vacation with my family. Almost all the hotel rooms were booked except one
It was our last resort...
What did the winemaker say when he ran out of room?
Ah bugger, I’m out of Cabernet space!
I wondered why my daughter was throwing all my Stephen King books around the room. And then…
I replaced all of the incense in the Friar's room with Marijuana.
The Hammer Time dance should be considered a ball room dance.
I don't know what to wear to the living room New Year's Eve
Still scratching my head in confusion, trying to understand why was I thrown out of the interview room???
My answer was spot on, upon being asked to give an example on a "Business being completely ruined due to carelessness"
All I said was... "A Pregnant Prostitute"
When you get cold, stand in the corner of the room ...
It's always about 90 degrees
I'm in big trouble, you guys. I bought a set of fake pushpins and put them by the bulletin board in the IRS break room.
Now I'm wanted for tacks fraud.
I put a humidifier and dehumidifier in the same room.
They’re currently fighting it out.
I've just discovered the Cantonese culture of doing maths in a dark room at breakfast
Apparently they enjoy dim sums in the morning
The past, present and future walk into a room.
Why did the room packed with married people seem empty?
Because there wasn’t a single person there
Everyone at my therapist’s office hates it when I stand on one corner of the room and blow air at people.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
A couple is sitting in the living room drinking beer
Out of the blue the husband says, “ I love you”
“ Is that you or the beer talking” asks the wife
“It’s me” says the husband “talking to the Beer”
A pun enters the room, ten people get killed.
The headline?
PUN IN: TEN DIED
Why did Amanda use the men's room?
Because she's a man, duh.
Who do you go see when you've got no signal in the waiting room?
When my girlfriend told the room that she was going to make coffee her dad said, “no, in the Bible, it says that the man always makes the coffee...”
Haven’t you read Hebrews?
The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement.
Cowboy goes in to a hotel and says a single room and a wardrobe for my horse. Your horse sir the manager replied!
Yes my horse is a Mustang and it mustang somewhere!
The secret service has a new protocol if there's a threat in the room with the president
They used to yell down. Now it's
"Donald duck!"
What did Donald Trump say when his wife chucked a plate across the room
If you're American in the living room, then what are you in the bathroom?
Trying not to mention the favourite part of my living room here
I think I've done well sofa
What’s a ghost’s least favourite room in the house?
The living room!
My 9-yr old son just told me this out of nowhere whilst I was cooking, and I couldn’t be more proud of him!
How do you get to the weight room at Hogwarts?
My 7 year old son is remote learning and I walked into the room to find him logged into his class with his back facing the computer screen. I asked, “what are you doing?”
He said, “I’m back to school!”
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
Why did the aeroplane get sent to his room?
Why did the airplane get sent to his room?
Because of his bad altitude.
Why was the plane sent back to his room?
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