Saw some cows on the roof playing poker...
What sound did the piano make when it was thrown off the barracks roof?
The Russian president was spotted on the roof of a hotel.
At that point, he was truly Putin on the Ritz.
My two sons 5&8 are playing Minecraft this morning on survival. They are working hard together to build their mansion. I crossed the room in front of the TV to grab my phone as they are balanced high on a wall constructing a roof. My son screams out, “Dad get out of the way!”
I said, “You’re the ones blocking!”
Had dinner with my gf on the roof...
Why was the dumb person on the roof of a bar?
Someone told them the drinks were on the house
A little moron and a big moron were shingling a steep roof when suddenly the scaffolding collapsed. They both slid down the roof and stopped at the very edge, and then one fell off. Which one?
The big moron. The other one was a little more on.
Did you hear about those policemen on whom the roof fell?
They are now undercover cops.
Did you hear about the kindergarten where the roof collapsed?
Thankfully, it only caused minor injuries.
A slate came off the roof and sliced a builders ear off.
We all looked for the ear so we could take it to hospital to get it sewn on.
Whats this here. And shows us a bloody ear.
The builder said i dont know whos that ear is its not mine.
How can you tell we asked.
Cos mine had a pencil behind it!
I was lonely until I glued a coffee cup to the roof of my car
I told the salesman I was looking for something cheap, manufactured by Ford, and preferably with a retractable roof...
He directed me to the affordable section
My wife and 2yo were just watching Paw Patrol. There is a cow mooing into a cell phone to video chat with the team to ask for help for a cat stuck on the roof.
I told my wife "That cat would have way more grip on roof shingles and I expect more I realism from talking cartoon cows. This is "UDDERLY" ridiculous."
She may have buried her head and avoided eye contact for a bit. I was proud.
My wife is mad at me because I took a shit on the roof...
How can I wipe the slate clean ?
They delivered materials for our new roof today. I looked out the window, confused. Said to my son, “huh, that’s weird. There are several pallets out there. He asked why that’s weird.
I was just expecting a shingle pallet
What's that thing on the roof? Just a cupola windows.
My gas bill is through the roof this month!
I hope next time he goes back to using the letterbox
The builder called me yesterday asking when I will pay for the new roof he put up.
I said, “I thought it was on the house.”
I called five different businesses to fix the leak in my roof - none did.
But Seal Team Six got the job done!
I got the roof tiles for free...
I don’t know why, but there’s just something about a duck sitting on the roof of a house that makes me mad and makes me laugh, too
This morning there were two, I was quite conflicted. it was a real paradux.
"He's the most foul mouthed person to ever live!" screamed the scientist who cloned himself and later tried to throw the clone off the roof.
He was arrested for attempting to make an obscene clone fall.
My boss asked me if I wanted to take the trash out or fix the roof
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
Hey dad, did you hear about the new roof game?
I haven’t played it yet, but the reviews are up there.
*Courtesy of my 9 year old. He’s going to make a great dad.
The roof is not my son
But I will raise it nevertheless.
We had a murder on the roof.
A father and his son are on a roof, the father falls off but the kid stays on, why?
Why did the pizza break the roof of the hipsters mouth.
Hit bit into it before it was cool.
When given the choice between two ways to get to the roof, I always choose the ladder.
What do you call a nearby roof that's been in the sun all day?
Hot shingles in your area.
If you ever have the urge to pee on a church roof
Two antennas met on the roof...
They fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
It was really windy last night. A quarter of my roof came off in the wind...
Why was the roof so lonely?
I tend not to like orange cars with flags on the roof.
He nearly fell off the roof laughing so much.
Father working on the roof. Wind blows the ladder over.
Him - Well It3mUs3r, I guess this means I'm counting on you now!
Me - Don't worry Dad: I won't let you down!
The top fell off the peak of my roof
theres 2 ways to get onto the roof of your house a rope or a structure of steep steps.
i think the easier one is the ladder of the 2
Did you hear the joke about the cat on the roof?
Never mind, it's over your head.
After the husband refused to stretch his tender loins, his wife started placing his favorite dinner on the roof for him...
But the steaks were too high
Did you hear about the free roof?
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
How did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth?
He ate the pizza before it was cool.
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