An urban legend that was revealed on the movie Legally Blonde.

Guy 1: I heard that the main character kept stabbing people on the set filming Legally Blonde. I can't remember her full name. It was Reese..... something. She just kept attacking people one by one but I don't know who it was.

Guy 2: Witherspoon

Guy 1: No...... with her knife. Who would be that stupid to use a spoon to hurt over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/macman1604
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...

...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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Studies have revealed that cows produce much more milk when the farmers talk to them.

It's a case of, in one ear and out of the uddet

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Wanting to impress my son at the zoo today, I revealed to him, "Used to be best friends with a giraffe, but we had a falling out." Puzzled, he asked, "What happened?" I shook my head, "I don't know really, but I felt..."

"He was always looking down on me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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The biggest gender reveal was in Japan...

They had a little boy.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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The parents that started the wildfire with their gender reveal party announced what they will name their baby.

Bernie.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stefan715
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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As we were getting ready to go to the beach, I reluctantly said to my wife, "I hate to say this honey, but your bikini is kinda tight and revealing." She giggled and said...

"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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I went to a gender reveal party the other day

It was great, but I can’t work out why I was the only naked person there.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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Neighbours outside just had a reveal party. From all the hooting and hollering after the balloon pop...

I can report that they are having an owl

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πŸ‘€︎ u/50ShadesOfPalmBay
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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The truth has been revealed
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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It has been revealed that Germany has the lowest rate of Coronavirus in the world

It's because they wash their Hans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drezyb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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Why are windows bad quiz masters?

They always reveal the answer

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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I told my pirate friend with a patch to watch for a letter I sent him that reveals the site of the gold...

He said, I'll keep an eye out for it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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So while at the dr recently, he told me an ultrasound revealed I have a fatty liver

I looked him dead in the eyes and said look at me, I weigh 360 lbs I have a fatty everything.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johndeerdrew
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
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I was shocked to see the reveal that Kylo Ren was not an only child...

...he was a Solo Child.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RKoke
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Hosted a gender reveal for my pal, it was a cookout after a couple hours they asked when are you going to tell us the gender?

What do you mean? It’s a grill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WisemenGaming
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Did you hear about the author who was revealed to be a fraud after he died?

His life had its prose and cons

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CHEEZY_21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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If you hear something, say something

I originally posted this in r/MaliciousCompliance, but several commenters thought it would be good here as well. I hope this isn't a re-run for too many of you.

This was years ago when my son was starting middle school. I was transporting him and a group of his new friends. One of the friends was French, and spoke French at home. My son mentioned that I had taken French in high school, and so one of his friends asked me to say something in French and see if French girl could understand me.

Before I go on, a note on parenting style: we joke around with our kids all the time. I know that not all parents joke with their children; some of my kids' friends enjoyed to a dad who makes a joke, and some would look at me like I grew a second head.

So I said to the French girl, Β«quelque choseΒ». Immediately the friends turned to French girl and asked "What did he say?"

I waited, wondering whether she would join my joke.

A sly smile crept across her face as she said, "he said...something". The rest of the trip, the friends tried to convince her to reveal what it was that I had said. Β«quelque choseΒ» is the French phrase for "something".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mermaldad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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If you were to reveal your self as a furry, does it mean you came out the claw-set
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/marc_20_21_02
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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My boyfriend revealed the source of his recent dad joke spree he's been telling me all week...

http://niceonedad.com/

πŸ‘︎ 717
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enihusky
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
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I am going to start Web site that is dedicated to revealing secret recipes that contain vegetables that are in the same family as onion and garlic and are especially good with potatoes.

It will be called wikileeks.com

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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At my sister's gender reveal party before the announcement my dad said he already knew what it was

He said, "It's either a boy or a girl"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaoskid42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in their own bodies and brains, feeling perpetually judged, and begin to relax. These are the kinds of people who go to sleep every night replaying cringey moments from high school. Their last thought of the day is when the Burger King girl said, "Enjoy your meal!" and they said, "Thanks, you too."

It takes 2 hours and/or a lot of booze before they're comfortable enough to take conversational risks and truly reveal themselves. But if I come right out of the gate with a really dumb joke, then we can cut to the chase. There's less danger because someone in the group already shot themselves in the foot, right off the bat. They pulled a pin on the cringe grenade and then jumped on it.

You cringe at my dumb joke and then we're over the hump. Someone has already done something pretty stupid, so go ahead and order the hubcap of nachos and a massive chocolate shake because nobody is going to judge you poorly while they're all judging me.

In terms of price negotiations (haggling), there is a psychological concept called "anchoring". You throw out the first number and all subsequent numbers are compared to that number. This is the same idea. We've already set the humor standard pretty low at "boneless cheese sticks", so you can say the dumbest shit you want and, as long as it's not worse than my cheesy joke, it won't matter.

This is why, when you were a teenager and your dad took you and some friends out, your dad made corny jokes. He knew they were corny jokes. You and your friends un

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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In the next Star Wars movie, it is revealed that Han Solo had two other sons.

Their names were Drum and Guitar

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
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Baby gender reveal at my family reunion

My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.

One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.

Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, β€œDo you have a name for the baby yet?”

My brother replies, β€œYeah. Liana Noelle.”

Everyone starts to β€œOoohhh” and β€œAhhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, β€œHow the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mzahit29
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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TIL in the late 2000s RIM was developing a voice interface to compete with Apple’s soon-to-be revealed Siri.

Hal-E-Berry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
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A man and a woman are at a bar

A man and a woman are sitting in a bar. After some time, the woman notices that the man has not looked in her direction once. Curious, she asks the man if he would like to buy her a drink.

Playing coy the man responds, "Ma'am, you are beautiful indeed, but are you talented as well?"

Feeling flirty, the woman takes a cherry from the bar and puts it in her mouth, stem and all. Within seconds she swallows the cherry, spits out the seed, and reveals the stem, tied in a perfect knot.

The man chuckles. Without another word he picks up a cherry and pulls off the stem. He puts the stem in his mouth, and pounds the rest of his beer in one gulp, revealing and empty mouth to the woman.

Perplexed, the woman asks, "Is that supposed to impress me?"

Confidently, the man replies, "Indeed I do believe it will."

She laughs and says, "It will? Are you shitting me?"

He responds, "I shit you knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MadeToDisagree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Request for pun help.

Hi everyone.

I don't know if this is allowed but I'm running out of ideas. I'm trying to make puns dealing with candies relating to the words "Leadership", "Service", and either "Fellowship" or "friendship". I figured this is the place of experts and hoped you could provide me with a solution. I'm planning on using this for big little reveal in my fraternity.

Thanks again ahead of time!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkecojaj
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
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The Mandalorian is showing Baby Yoda around his ships.

They enter the fitness room and The Mandalorian flips a switch revealing a hidden compartment full of protein drinks.

"This is the whey."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dwarvenfriend
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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My 5-year-old niece is a little shit.

We were celebrating my other niece's 2nd birthday, when my 5-year-old niece comes up to me and says, "Hey Uncle, wanna play a game?"

"Sure. What game?"

"You pick a letter and I say three words that start with that letter."

Since it was her sister's birthday, I picked "B", assuming that she’ll probably say "Birthday".

She was like, "Okay… B... B... BB..."

I sat there for a second in a moment of defeat...

"Yes. Those are all words."

You little shit.


Edit for the Dad-impaired: "Be... Bee... BB..."

2nd Edit: Awesome! Each of my nieces got me to the top of this sub! Here's the one about the 2-year-old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ted_E_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
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A woman goes to the doctor clutching her cheek...

The doctor asks β€œWhat’s the problem?” The woman removes her her hand to reveal an area of green grass with a tree growing out of the middle, with some people in deck chairs picnicking next to a small lake. β€œOh that’s nothing to worry about” said the doctor, β€œits just a beauty spot”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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LORENA BOBBITT'S SISTER ARRESTED

API - Clearwater Florida - Lorena Bobbitt's sister Luella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition. Luella has been charged with one count of a misdewiener.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrabbieMike
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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Found out last night that my 7 year old son is a dad

On our last day of a three day trip at Disneyland, my 7 year old revealed his inner father to my wife.

>wife: This backpack is good but could use more shoulder padding.

Son, with a shit eatin' grin, walks up and pats her on the shoulders.

I have never been so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jessesc123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2014
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So... A fighter in the coliseum faced a strange challenge...

He was presented a beautiful lady and told he had to kill her with cannibalism. This fighter has a good heart and could never do this, but if he did not oblige than both would die. He beat her to death and fed on the remains. Afterwards, it was revealed that the lady was actually quite evil and murdered children.

The camera pans out, it's Russell Crowe, he is Glad-he-ate-her.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddit_Rabit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
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A man walks into a bar with an ornately carved box under his arm.

Bartender: "Hold on there, buddy, what's in the box?"

Man: "I'll show you if you give me a free drink."

The bartender agrees, and the man lifts the lid to reveal a tiny man, who starts playing an equally tiny piano.

Bartender: "That's amazing! Where did you find him?"

Man: "There's a genie outside granting free wishes. But if you go out there, be sure to speak up, because I think the genie is hard of hearing."

Bartender: "Why do you say that?

Man: "Do you think I would have wished for a twelve inch pianist?"

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IdonJuanTatalya
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2018
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A communist walks into a bar

He orders nothing, and instead just sits down at the bar and begins reading a newspaper.

β€œWhat’ll it be?” Asked the bartender.

β€œNothing.” Replied the communist, his face concealed behind the newspaper.

β€œYou don’t want anything?” Said the bartender.

β€œNo!” Replied the communist.

β€œLook,” said the bartender β€œyou can’t just sit at the bar and read without ordering anything. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

β€œDo you know who I am?” Asked the communist, as he slowly lowered the newspaper, revealing combed back black and grey hair, a large, bushy mustache, and a neatly kept Officer uniform with two gold stars pinned to the left breast.

The bartender stepped back, shocked. β€œWell now you’re just Stalin!”

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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My kids have one of those pillows covered in sequins...

You've probably seen these... One whole side of the pillow has sequins, which are reversible, and reveal a different color or pattern when you flip the sequins.

My daughter was playing with hers, and making pictures by flipping the sequins in patterns.

I asked her if she could make a picture showing what she did today. She spent about 15 minutes painstakingly flipping sequins to show her going to school, and dance class. She was all done, and proudly showed me her work.

I said "Well, look at that... its a sequins of events."

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bcjgreen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2018
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A Punny Story

A director and a costume designer had a disagreement over a critical shot in the horror movie they were filming in their studio.

The director planned to use CGl for a brief but critical reveal-shot of the movie's monster. But the costume designer insisted they use an actual costume instead of CGl.

"CGl makes a movie look cheap these days," she proclaimed.

The two of them continued debating until they began arguing. The stage crew, actors on break, and other people around them began watching until both the costume designer and director were shouting over each other at the top of their lungs. Despite their efforts, nobody could calm them down.

Fearing the incident may lead to blows, one of cameramen called a studio security guard in urgent request. The guard arrived a minute later and made a beeline for the director and costume designer, who were being held back by multiple people on set.

"lt's my movie. l make the decisions!" the director hollered, hoarse and red in the eyes.

"The movie quality will suffer!" the costume designer screamed, hair plastered across her sweaty face.

The security guard stepped in-between them and raised his pistol at the ceiling without a word. They continued to argue around him. There was a bark of gunshot, then nothing but silence and some falling plaster.

"Now see here," the guard said loudly, stepping back to look at the two of them. "Either you two quit your bickering or l'll have to escort you off the premises. You're making a scene."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaronVA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
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A man is driving along a back road at night

His car crashes into a tree, and he escapes unhurt though his car is badly damaged. However, he needs to find somewhere to stay overnight. The man wanders alnog the road until he comes across a monastery. He knocks on the door, and a friendly monk answers.

Man: I've crashed my car and need a place to stay tonight, might I have one of your rooms?

Monk: of course, come right this way.

The monk shows the man to a room, and the man goes to sleep. At midnight, the man is awoken by a loud thumping on the ceiling. He thinks nothing of it and goes to bed, sleeping soundly the rest of the night.

The next day at breakfast he asks one of the monks about the thumping. The monk replies,"sorry, I can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man figures that that's a pretty fair response, and goes to try and fix his car.

After working on the car all day, the man returns to the monastery and asks to stay another night. The monks of course oblige, and the man goes back to the same room. This night, he is awakened by the same thumping, this time even louder. He wonders about it and eventually drifts off to sleep.

The next day, the man continues to work on the car, and needs to stay just one more night to complete it. The monks are happy to give him a room, but the man asks to me moved to a different room so he won't hear the thumping. The man goes to bed but is awakened by even louder thumping.

He decides to go investigate, and climbs the stairs, only to find a locked iron door, with the thumping coming from behind it. Unsatisfied, he goes back to bed.

The next morning, he asks the lead monk about the thumping. The lead monk replies,"sorry, can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man, filled with curiosity, asks the leader how to become a monk. The leader gives him 3 tasks: the first, to circumnavigate the globe, to learn about culture, the second task, to cut an entire field with scissors to learn patience, and the third, to memorize the entire monk book, to learn discipline.

The man completes all the tasks, and the leader takes him up to the iron door and pulls out a key. He opens the door to reveal the Monk's greatest secret.

If you're wondering what it is, I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you aren't a monk.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clutchdanger11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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Why am I the only person naked at this gender reveal party?
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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Baby gender reveal at my family reunion

My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.

One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally.

Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, β€œDo you have a name for the baby yet?”

My brother replies, β€œYeah. Liana Noelle.”

Everyone starts to β€œOoohhh” and β€œAhhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.

Then after a moment I shout, β€œHow the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”


Edit (10/22/2014): Probably won't be seen or noticed by anyone, but my baby niece was just born today! She's on the opposite side of the country, but I can't wait to meet her!

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ted_E_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2014
🚨︎ report

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