I just returned from my MIL's funeral, she was hit on the head during a tennis match & killed

It was a lovely service...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I just returned from the store. I needed tablets for the dishwasher...

Poor wife has a terrible headache.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Did you hear about the cephalopod that returned the favor?

It was your classic case of Squid Pro Quo.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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A sweater I purchased was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dirtybirdal
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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My wife returned a package of pantyhose that she bought online, but they only refunded 90% of the purchase price...

...they claimed the 10% was a re-stocking fee.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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What did the frog say to the librarian when he returned his books?

Reddit, reddit, reddit

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Terri_Fried
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
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A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.

They were maid for each other.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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How did the Grinch know to average all of the presents he stole, so that each Who in Whoville got the same amount returned to them?

He’s a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

πŸ‘︎ 93
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saetric
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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A man lost his keys in the supermarket, so when he returned to his car, he just rubbed his ass against it

He was wearing khaki trousers

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anassis
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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There should be a holiday where we remember all the borrowed items we’ve given out that have never been returned.

We’ll call it β€œLent”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/siphodeus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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I went knife shopping today but returned empty handed. None of them made the cut
πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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My sister is really indecisive. When I bought her that red phone cover she always wanted she returned it and bought a blue one, then she returned that one and bought the red one again!

I knew that would be the case.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chongdog
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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A vampire bat returned to his colony with a lot of blood on his face. When the other bats asked him what happened he pointed to a building and said: β€œSee that cow barn over there?”

β€œI didn’t.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingWilliamVI
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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His names was β€œGerman potato” written in German. After this he left the game and never returned.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vimed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
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What did the bee say when he returned to the hive?

Hi Honey, I'm home!

πŸ‘︎ 965
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cocopops029
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
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What did the alcoholic husband said to his wife whenwhen he returned home?

I'm home beer

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilCuntBoyXD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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Just returned from China and my dad still has the same cheesy jokes.

My father his girlfriend and myself were out for supper yesterday. The waiter came around to take orders and she started with my dad's girlfriend. She orders her main dish and the waiter asks, "what would you like for your two sides?"

"what are my options?" his girlfriend asks.

To which my dad replies, "I believe just right and left."

πŸ‘︎ 990
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jasonborn23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
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I returned the ground almonds I bought.

They tasted nothing like dirt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
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Just returned from the Opticians and I've been told I'm actually colour blind.

That came out of the orange.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MultipleScoregasm
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
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I once bought a sweater that was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DUIofPussy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A jumper I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the shop.

They gave me a replacement....free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warmo1981
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store

They gave me another one, free of charge

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 340
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one free of charge.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tttulio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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