Did you hear about the ravenous shrubs that attacked a group of tourists?

It was an amBUSH.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Psycho_Hobbit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
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Quoth the passive-aggressive raven,

"Never mind."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I wanna know where that bar is.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrissiKross
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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A guy tried to tell me the difference between a crow and a raven is that a crow’s call is β€œcaw” and a raven’s call is β€œnevermore.”

He was a Poe source of information.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterfranciscook
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid tail feathers called pinions, while a crow only has 16? The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ROLLTHEWAVE
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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6 years ago today on my birthday. The Baltimore Ravens have won two Super Bowls, both on February 3rd. All a Baltimore boy would like for his cake day is some purple fever! I believe #20 intercepted Colin's ball hence "Ed Reads". I crack myself up.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/717to321
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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"What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" asked my son. "Ravens have seventeen wing feathers with the end feather called a pinion, in contrast to crows having only sixteen wing feathers." I answered.

I continued, "Therefore, it's just a matter of a pinion."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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A raven walks into a restaurant. The waiter asks, would you like soups or salads?

Broth, the raven, nevermore

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fiddlethesticks
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
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My friend told me a joke about "The Raven..."

It was in Poe taste.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheN00bBuilder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
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A group of ravens chased individual crows until the crows were cornered together

In other words, a conspiracy of ravens premeditated a murder of crows.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Baby Corvidae

Grandma and I have been learning that the ravens and crows here in the Rocky Mountains are from the family "Corvidae." So, as their babies took flight for the first time today, we decided that the sky is filled with flying "Corvettes." They are adorable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpasticArdvaark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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As I was rowing my boat towards the shore, a small black bird stopped me from docking.

Quoth the raven, β€œNever moor.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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Ravens and Crows

A good friend told me a story once. When she was a kid her family would often go to zoos and museums while on vacation. They were in the aviary on one of those visits looking at birds. My friend saw a crow asked the zookeeper a question. "What's the difference between a raven and a crow?" The zookeeper looked at her, smiled and started to answer. "Have you ever heard of a pinion feather?" he said. "Pinions are the the feathers at the tip of a bird's wing that allows it to fly. They are also the ones that people will trim to prevent birds from flying away. Crows have 5 pinion feathers while ravens have 6. So, if you think about it, it's really just a matter of a pinion."

To this day, my friend and her family don't know the real answer to "What's the difference between a crow and a raven?" They are wonderful and intelligent people, but they subscribe to a particular brand of ignorance where a good pun is better than actual knowledge. They call it punorance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediPaxis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
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This is just a list of 50 famous people but if they were birds.
  • George Washwington
  • Leonarcrow da Vinci
  • Eagle Allen Poe
  • Harry S. Toucan
  • Teddy Dodosevelt
  • Charles Duckens
  • Octavian Owlgustus
  • Flysaac Newton
  • Benchicken Franklin
  • Gullysses S. Grant
  • Vincent Van Goose
  • John Lhawk
  • Charlecrane
  • Pengthoven
  • Nikquaila Tesla
  • Jean-Jacques Roostsseau
  • Charles Darwren
  • Rheasus Christ
  • Broodha
  • King Loony XIV
  • Nenepoleon Bonaparte
  • Mahootma Gandhi
  • Winstint Churchill
  • Genghis Swan
  • Pladove
  • Aleggsander the Great
  • Paul the Apostail
  • Lark Twain
  • Dante Aliturkey
  • Michelangswallow
  • Cardinal Marx
  • Albatross Lincoln
  • Robin E. Lee
  • Adolf Swiftler
  • Alextanager Hamilton
  • Ibis Presley
  • Ronald Raven
  • Arnestotle
  • Emuhammad
  • Sir Francis Beakon
  • Tchaikovskylark
  • Christfowler Columbus
  • Finchard Nixon
  • Henry VIII
  • Albert Einstork
  • Thomas Jayfferson
  • William Shrikespeare
  • Woodcock Wilson
  • King Chorioles I of England
  • Johann Sebastian Flock

Edit: formatting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/captbodgers
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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My first spontaneous dad-joke!

My wife and I were recently at a small local zoo with our 1-year-old son, and we approached an exhibit with a couple of ravens.

Wife: "It's so sad that the ravens are separated by a fence"

Me, out of nowhere: "I know, they're like Crow-meo and Juliet"

Her eyes rolled back so hard I thought I was at Walmart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geropy86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
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Animals puns for wedding tables...

We're having a Canadian wedding with an animal theme to differentiate the different tables. On each table we'll have an animal emblem with some kind of love pun for each animal. It's been a trying affair to come up with these, but I know a lot of them could be better. In fact, most of them are downright ridiculous.

Reddit, how can we improve these?

Moose - I find you amoosing.

Beaver - I think I'll pick this flower for her, it would beavery romantic.

Owl - Owl always love you.

Fox - You are the object of my affoxtion.

Skunk - I stink you're sweet!

Bunny - Everybunny loves you!

Woodpecker - Knock Knock! Who's there? Wood! Wood who? Wood you be mine?

Porcupuine. I'm stuck on you.

Wolf - Wolf you marry me?

Trout - We'll be together trout eternity!

Turtle - You're turtley amazing.

Lynx - Let us lynx our lives together.

Bear - To be away from you is unbearable.

Squirrel - I'm going nuts for you!

Raven - Can't stop raven about you.

Turkey - I could just gobble you up!

Caribou - Where does one find a wedding ring for his deer? Why at the cariboutique, of course.

Deer - I love you deerly!

Goose - You give me goose bumps.

Sasquatch - Getting you to marry me was no small feat.

Also looking for some ideas for racoon, snake, and groundhogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TonyMcConkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2014
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The football player argued that it was a horse-collar tackle

The ref said β€œneigh”

(My Dad just told this joke while watching the Ravens game. The other dads in the room laughed.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightingale102
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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Justin Tucker delivering an absolute classic

As a Steelers fan it pains me to say but JTuck is easily my new favorite Raven. Fantastic delivery. And an even better confused, fake laugh response from the crowd.

http://www.espn.com/video/clip?id=18153124&ex_cid=espnfb&sf43653524=1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaconStorf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2016
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A joke about American Football

My girlfriend is leaving for vacation tonight, and earlier she was trying to be all lovey dovey and snuggle, but I was trying to watch the football game.

Her: "Why don't you want to cuddle with me?"

Me: "I'm trying to watch the football game..."

Her: "But I'm going to be gone for an entire week!!!"

Me: "So are the Ravens..."

She threw a slipper at me and tried to fight back a smile.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2015
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Late Christmas Grandadjoke

My brother opens up his Christmas present which was a book of Edgar Allen Poe stories.

To which my grandpa immediately says, "I heard the critics were really Raven about that one!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/purpleshark42
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2014
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What's the difference between a Crow and a Raven?

Well you see, a Crow has 4 pinion feathers on their wings while a Raven has only 3. So really, it's just a matter of a pinion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miko93
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2013
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Dad: what's the difference between a raven and a crow?

me: um...

dad: it's a matter of a pinion!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dribrats
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Scientifically a raven has 17 primary wing feathers.

The big ones at the end of the wing. These feathers are called pinion feathers. A crow has sixteen.

So, the difference between a crow and a raven is only a matter of a pinion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/createsean
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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A raven has 17 primary wing feathers

These are the big ones at the end of the wing, also called pinion feathers. A crow only has 16 of them. So the difference between a crow and a raven is only a matter of a pinion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealisticFake
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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