A list of puns related to "The Programme"
They called it Gatorade.
Thatβll be the Peer review.
He has a lot experience working remote
They hit the space bar.
User Interface is important to them.
They printf
He never comes back.
because he didn't get arrays.
Because he couldnβt hack it.
Sprite
Because he didn't get the... algo-rhythm...
By the Dewey Hexadecimal System!
He opens Windows
The programmer returns home with 12 gallons of milk and says, βThey had eggs.β
edit: I know guys, I know, itβs supposed to be 13, I messed up the wording, please forgive me
Because his program was CALLING a lot of subroutines.
He went data way!
It's an new Al-Gore-rithm
I'm in the 'Fitness Protection Programme '
Because he was very good at orienting objects.
(Okay this is a really technical dad joke, but isn't that what they're supposed to be?)
He couldnβt see sharp.
Hey switched to a byte sized diet.
He had a major codeine problem.
Because it's code outside.
All he knew was C++.
He wanted to be a seΓ±or developer.
Because thereβs too many bugs
He may byte
He decided to rest a bit
Because he couldn't C#
...because I didn't think she could use a-rrays[ ].
He didn't follow the Al Gore rhythm
10
Because it was really self conscious
He didn't get arrays.
He had problems committing.
He had a lot of toe foo.
There's way too much log spam.
I am studying Visual Basic and I just had this exchange with my father:
Me: What is the difference between a decimal and a double? Dad: One is a colon.
I was telling my wife a story about a programmer that was able to run a computer script on a Coffee Machine.
It would brew the coffee for the person exactly as they reached the machine, my wife jokingly said, "he speaks computer coffee."
That is when Dad Joke came in and I said, you could say that he speaks Java.
She walked outside without saying anything and stared at the yard for a while.
I work as a salesman in a call center. We were going over some of the more interesting names weβve seen and called. Without disclosing the last name my neighbor said oh, you havenβt heard of βCytoplasm XXXXXXXβ? I answered. The guy is a computer programmer who Iβd imagine changed his name to that unless his parents are that cruel. I start rambling off βCytoplasm?? Of all the organelles in a eukaryotic cell to name yourself you pick cytoplasm?! What about Golgi apparatus, or endoplasmic reticulum?β My manager chimes in βwow you memorized a lot from bioβ I told her I went to college for science shit but βnow here I am making phone calls as a professional, thanks collegeβ to which my neighbor replies.... βI guess now you could say youβre a PROkaryote
How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
Whereβs the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history β with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
If it werenβt for C, weβd all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who donβt.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.
An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks βmay I join you?β
Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft⦠and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. Itβs a hardware problem.
I named my hard drive βdat assβ so once a month my computer asks if I want to βback dat ass upβ.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as sheβs been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
I changed my password to βincorrectβ. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say βYour password is incorrectβ.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Itβs ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didnβt know who he was.
I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didnβt have internet.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardwar
... keep reading on reddit β‘I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.
What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives
Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.
What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...
The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.
Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.
We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.
There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.
A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words
SΓΈ, I hΓͺΓ‘rd yΓΆΕ« lΓ¬kΓ« fΓΆrΓ©igΓ± aΓ§ΔΔΕtΕ‘
As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.
My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...
There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.
Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.
There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!
(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!
A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.
A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.
A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.
Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.
It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.
Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.
The depressed programmer says "goodbye world"
Sorry
He went data way
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