With all the personal battles we had to go through last year
I guess we can finally say 2020 won :/
Happy new year people!!
I did my personal best in the 100 metres today...
What did the hardware store employee use to steal personal information?
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer and I don't think I'm quite fit enough for the job.
Therefore I've handed in my 'Too Weak Notice'
Why didn’t the man book an appointment with the doctor who said she only accepts patients with personal gifts?
I hear jewish personal trainers are the best.
After an intense session at the gym, I asked my personal trainer what was the best way to show off my new muscles.
He told me to hang upside down from a tree branch and curl my arms behind my back.
I said “weird flex but OK”
My personal trainer said flexibility is the foundation of good fitness...
I guess that all's well that bends well!
I accidentally downloaded the Square app for store owners instead of the one for personal use
My dad- "You had no business signing up for that."
I know it's boring to shop for vacuum cleaners, son, but remember, the Beach Boys had the same difficulty while deciding on a brand for their own personal vacuum cleaner. I can remember their words now...
"A Roomba? Makita? Ooooh! I want Eureka!"
He avoided me for the rest of the day.
The word “batman” is used to refer to someone’s personal servant. So, Alfred is actually Batman’s batman
The former NBA commissioner was persuaded to buy a family gym package that included unlimited personal training sessions...
After the trainer vowed she would leave no Stern untoned.
I took some personal documents I had to the gym today
So they could get shredded
I just made a new personal best on the 40 yard dash today
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Did you hear about the narcissistic personal trainer who was sucked into a tornado?
Apparently, nature vacuums an ab whore.
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.
To the person who stole my spectacles. I will find you.
Elon Musk is now the richest person on the planet
Space X has really taken off this past year
Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
What do you call a person with one eye that's sad all the time?
Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?
The person who invented Russian roulette
What do you call a little person psychic on the run from the cops?
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
What do you say to the person getting breast reduction procedure?
I hope it takes the weight off your chest.
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person’s aura changes when they die.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
I'm Buzz Aldrin, second person ever to step on the moon.....
What do you call a person who points out the obvious
The person who points out the obvious
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
Do degrees even matter as long as the person gets the job done?
To the person that invented the number 0
Who is the best person at the golf course to get to make coffee?
Why did the parasite infect the person who had many health problems?
At a conference there was the most courageous person who went by the name Sam. Before he got on the stage to deliver his impressive speech, all attendees begged him not to sing.
To the person who stole my Microsoft office licence ,I will find you
The person that invented Knock Knock Jokes
Should get a no bell prize.
I went back in time to kill the person that made bread.
Now he yeasts to exist.
One I came up with myself
To the person who took my iPhone off the dinner table, when I was distracted.
I hope you face time soon.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
What did the person who discovered the wheel say?
What a revolutionary discovery!
Why was the dumb person on the roof of a bar?
Someone told them the drinks were on the house
I had to choose between three cats. The first was super affectionate, like a dog. The second prefers to be alone all the time. I picked the third, whose personality is somewhere in between.
I named him Meat Loaf because he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that.
What do the British call a person who uses the toilet too often?
To the person who stole my antidepressants-
I hope you are happy now.
Next month, I’m going to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in San Francisco in person.
My wife said, “What are you going to do when you finally see it?”
Me: I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
I used to be blind but I cured it. My wife was the first person I saw
It was love at first sight.
There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
What did the antisocial person say before going on a trip?
Don't worry, I won't belong.
Told my wife to message the lawn person
Because we are taking our fence down.
She came back, stopped me, just to ask "Is there a mower emoji?
I said: is that really an emojency?
38, first original joke from an unoriginal dad. Had to share.
I was thinking that I am the kindest person in the world. Then I saw German kids.
To the person that stole my broken bathroom scale...
... You won’t get a weigh with this!
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
To the person who invented 0...
To the person that stole my copy of Microsoft Office
I will find you, you have my Word
To the person who stole my Microsoft Office
I will find you, you have my Word!
To the person who stole my glasses, I will find you.
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