There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner
i guess the crowd wasn't orderly orderly orderly though
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
I ordered a Caesar salad from the restaurant for lunch today.
They absolutely killed it.
If a clock you ordered arrived in the mail,
That means your time is here
So I order a drink on the rocks with a hint of citrus...
I was given a drink with limestone.
My obese friend in the UK just order a bunch of workout equipment.
He already feels hundreds of pounds lighter.
What did the Pirates of the Caribbean order from the Bakery?
They said they wanted a torte to go.
Two guys at a bar order drinks. The first says "I'll have some H2O." The second says "Yeah, I'll have some H2O too."
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night.
I ordered a beer and the bartender said "Sorry, I only have root beer."
So I had him put it in a square glass.
There's a gang going through the shops in our town, systematically shoplifting clothes in size order.
The Police believe they’re still at large.
True Story. I went to pick up a couple of Italian Beef sandwiches curbside last night and as the runner approached with my order, the sandwiches broke through the gravy soaked paper bag and fell to the ground. She was extremely apologetic and said she would re-bag them for us. But I was livid!
I mean, I did not pay for ground beef.
A fish steps outside her house and get hers fins and gills blown out of order by the weather, so she goes back in for a jacket. Her husband asks, “What’s it like Outside Right Now?” She replies,
What does a tea hater say to the waiter who brought them tea when they ordered coffee?
That's not my cup of tea.
I've just ordered the personalised license plate BAA BAA.
Which country orders the most takeout?
I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “Easy. Right next to the sage.”
I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.
After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.
He'd been despatched.
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
The butchers wife always messes up everyone's orders.
Why did President Xi Jinping order the caplock keys to be removed from all Chinas computers?
Because he was afraid of Capitalism!
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
My mom played the clarinet in high school. She mentioned she wanted to play again, but doesn't have the money to waste on it. I ordered one for her birthday and left her a subtle clue.
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?
Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
The wife was asking for recognition over the labours she endured for me, in order to give me my two kids...
So I thanked her for her cervix.
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...
so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."
What did the werewolf order from the ice cream shop?
What did the broke guy order at the strip club’s ‘legs ‘n’ eggs’ show?
So the other day I ordered some Kung Pao chicken, but I think it came with a side of pasta instead of rice
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
What do you call the biggest size of soup you can order in restaurants?
I was at a restaurant the other day and ordered the Oasis soup because
Teacher : “Can you list the 10 Commandments in any order”
Johnny: “3, 5, 6, 1, 8, 9, 2, 4, 10 and 7”
The butcher kept getting my order wrong. He gave me a porterhouse instead of a filet mignon!
He said it was a mis-steak.
I ordered the pasta at work today for lunch.
But then I realized I wasn't that hungry, so I boxed it up to take home and eat later.
Because a penné saved is a penné earned.
Ordered a vacuum a few days back. Good quality, though the product was a little sucky.
https://preview.redd.it/05c4ayjw55m51.png?width=288&format=png&auto=webp&s=40eb4d62a8ab9c00eac11c75f34ac611a41c910d
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied ‘yeh but that’s rare’
Public Service Announcement: In order to meet the energy budget for 2020....
the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
Thank you and have a nice day.
Auditoriums are specially designed so that sound will bounce around the walls and ceiling in order to be projected to the audience. However, if you place a pigeon on the stage, the coo of said pigeon will not bounce.
This is because of a-coo-sticks.
A neutron goes up to the bar and orders a drink.
When asking the bartender how much it costs they reply “For you? No charge.”
Hey r/subway, subway gave me the wrong order. What should I do?
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night...
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