Did you hear about the new dating website for chemists?
It's called carbon dating.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
Did you hear the new pop song about Covid?
π︎ 14
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Did you hear the news about the shovel? It's ground breaking. But the broom?
That really swept the nation.
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Hey did you hear about the new kind of Italian rap music?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
Did you hear about the new Batman villain who tells really bad puns?
They call him the Dad Joker
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︎ Nov 14 2020
Have you heard about the new Vice Presidential mathcore band?
They found great success using an Al Gore rhythm.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Have you seen the new Amish website?
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Dad to Son: "Have you heard about the new online game that's just been released that's heaps popular and getting a lot of press?
Son: "What's it called?"
Dad: "Month."
Son: "Huh?"
Dad: "Apparently it's twice as good as Fortnite".
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︎ Sep 28 2020
Have you heard about the new book by Rubik's Cube inventor ErnΕ Rubik?
It's full of twists and turns.
π︎ 41
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Did you hear about the new Smashing Pumpkins cover band?
They call themselves Squished Squash!
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︎ Nov 10 2020
Did you read about the new group that was created to foster dialogue between Wiccans and Jehovahβs Witnesses?
Itβs called the Witch Tower Society.
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 15 2020
Did you hear that the Indian restaurant hired a new delivery guy?
Heβs a top-notch curry-er.
π︎ 16
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Have you heard about the new movie, "Constipation"?
It's not coming out any time soon but early critics are giving it shit reviews.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Did you hear about the new Halloween movie where the guy screams his lungs out?
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillow?
Itβs really making headlines.
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
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︎ Jun 01 2020
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?
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︎ Aug 31 2020
Did you heard that news about the perfume thief?
She was convicted of fragrancy
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︎ Oct 23 2020
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Did you hear about the new terrorist boy band?
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 05 2020
Did you hear about the new corn maze the pumpkin patch?
All the critics agree, it's hay-mazing!
π︎ 7
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︎ Oct 04 2020
Did you hear about the new Deadpool mix tape?
Itβs Ryan Reynoldβs Rap.
π︎ 13
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︎ Sep 26 2020
Did you hear the sad news about the free-solo rock climber that fell to his death?
Itβs a real shame because he was such a down-to-earth guy.
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Did you hear about the viagara truck hijacked in New York the other day?
The police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals
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︎ Aug 25 2020
When the view is so good that you need to invent a new phrase to describe it !
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︎ Aug 20 2020
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks βwhy should I hire you?β The applicant responded βI have a special talent!β
βOh, and what is this special talent?β Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
βYouβre hired!!β He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked βwho is he?β
The priest responded βI donβt know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!β
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︎ Jul 19 2020
You hear about the new bomb made out of horses?
π︎ 48
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︎ Jul 05 2020
Did you hear about the new LEGO store in the neighbourhood?
Folks are lining up for blocks!
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︎ Aug 30 2020
Did you hear what the New York Times editor-in-chief said on their last day?
"Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today."
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Have you heard about the new broom?
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︎ Aug 05 2020
Have you guys heard about those new corduroy pillowcases in the news?
I'm sure you have, they're really making head lines.
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︎ Aug 14 2020
Have you heard about the lumberjack/chic-punk new songstress?
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 30 2020
Do you think anyone will buy the new furniture made by Apple?
π︎ 13
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︎ Jun 20 2020
Have you heard the dogβs new album?
Itβs fantastic! Although sadly itβs just a bunch of ruff cuts.
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︎ Aug 13 2020
Have you heard about the new restaurant the Mafia just opened up?
Foot traffic for indoor dining is a little slow, but they do a great TAKEOUT business
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︎ Aug 03 2020
Have you been to that new Indian restaurant The Ghee Spot?
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Have you heard about the new winged book?
It just flies off the shelves...
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 24 2020
Did you hear about the new disease caused by oregano?
π︎ 22
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︎ Jul 13 2020
Have you seen who they have cast in the new film "The Blind Batman"?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Have you heard about the new game getting released? Itβs AI is 20 years ahead of itβs time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. Itβs called:
Go outside and ride your bike
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︎ Jun 25 2020
What do you call leaving the Vietnam war with a new wife?
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 20 2020
Have you heard the news about the Art club going missing.
They disappeared without a trace.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
Theyβre making headlines
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 22 2020
Have you heard of the new corduroy pillows?
They are really making some headlines.
π︎ 10
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︎ Jun 29 2020
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