It’s sad the neighborhood went down the crapper
Bill Clinton is banned from all the French bakeries in his neighborhood.
He kept feeling their pain.
At a neighborhood party, my wife asked if I wanted to change the baby.
I said, “Not really. I like him the way he is.”
A snail was zipping around the neighborhood in a car with a large S on it
I told the wife "Look at that S car go!!"
My Roomba accidentally went out the front door, and the neighborhood animals immediately started attacking it.
Due to the Covid crisis, the Indian bakery in my neighborhood is going through some tough times.
They fired all Naan essential staff.
Driving the neighborhood, I told my son we would use the odometer to measure out our Turkey Trot 5k
> Son: It's gonna take a lot of yard sticks.
The Beavers have the ugliest house in the neighborhood.
I've just entered the neighborhoods tightest hat contest..
A florist named Chris started a band with 3 of the neighborhood mums. Guess what they called the band?
My mother called the cops on me because she heard I was dealing coke in the neighborhood
I tried to tell her multiple times that I was working for Pepsi, but she just wouldn't listen.
That moment when your wife goes mateing the neighborhood guy
Did you hear about the two houses across the neighborhood from each other that fell in love?
It was a lawn distance relationship.
My son went crazy running around the neighborhood breaking small twigs in everyone's yard one night...
A Chinese restaurant in the neighborhood had to shut down because of high levels of arsenic in their dumplings.
Such wonton disregard for public health, I tell you.
The neighborhood dogs always come up to the tree in my backyard.
The bakery in my neighborhood was broken into last night.
I’ve heard of stupid crimes, but this one really takes the cake.
Adopting the metric system would help make US neighborhoods so much more livable
Under the current Imperial system, every three feet is a new yard
How does Peter Parker keep track of the number of arachnids in any given neighborhood?
He uses his spider census.
Someone cut a periodic table in half and the while neighborhood exploded
Shouldn’t have been splitting atoms
The homes in my neighborhood are numbered 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13....
I've been told that it's prime real estate.
Him: I'm taking the canine for an evening stroll around the neighborhood. Her: Why don't you just say you're taking the dog for a walk?
Dog: * Goes absolutely nuts *
A man was recently caught for going around the neighborhood stealing power sources from remote controls and raiding spice cabinets.
The Judge found him guilty of a salt and battery
What do you call a neighborhood of holes in the ground where donkeys live?
I live in an old neighborhood with a 100 year old oak tree. One day every year, all the kids in the neighborhood put all their boy/girl scout badges on the tree. One day, I wonder why the kids do this. So, I called up my dad to ask him, and he said...
"Oh, it's just a badge oak."
What did the spider say when the timber company moved into his neighborhood?
You logged onto my website!
My youngest son, James, took me around the neighborhood to catch some Pokemon.
We came upon some other folks who were furiously tapping on their phones near what was, supposedly, an important location that he "owned".
My son, dejectedly, asked "My Pokemon are not very strong. Can you help me?"
I knelt down, looked at him and said "I am here to defend my Jim."
My husband started counting to the neighborhood kids - 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and then asked the kids what he was doing....
The neighborhood had some new drains for rain water put in...
Why do the neighborhood signs warn me of the slow children at play?
Do I need to watch out because they are mentally slow? If they were just playing slowly, you would think they would see me coming and no sign would be needed.
My Roomba accidentally rolled out of my front door, and the neighborhood squirrels and rabbits immediately started attacking it.
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