At this year's graduation cermony @ UCLA, James Hetfield will receive the Jim Henson memorial degree...
...he will finally get his Masters of Puppets. 🤘
What did the Lincoln Memorial say when it got pepper in its nose?
I was shocked to see the Memorial Day pool party videos from the south, but I can't really say I blame them...
Because Missouri loves company.
You ever notice how George Washington only got a big stick, and everyone else got huge memorials? I guess that's why they call it the Washington Post.
Dad got the car's AC fixed after Memorial Day
He came back singing "Freon isn't Free."
Geologists know all the rocks, anthracite many from memory.
I have very fond memories of my dad arriving home, wearing his white t-shirt, black leather jacket, giving me the thumbs up, and saying 'Ayyyy'...
The earliest memory I have is going to the doctor with my dad to get my eyes checked.
Things before that is a blur.
What did one memory buffer say to the other memory buffer as it was running away...
.... cache me if you can.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
What is that 1 memory that the computer will never forget?
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
I put the memory device with the class assignment into the computer. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong one and porn started showing.
I was playing the song "In Memory of Elizabeth Reed" by the Allman Brothers for my ten year old daughter. She asked me how long ago I first heard the song. When I told her I heard it when it was first released, 50 years ago, She said,
"Was it called "In Honor of Elizabeth Reed" back then?
Heard about the Texan with memory loss?
My earliest childhood memory is visiting the eye doctor and getting my glasses.
Life before that was a blur.
Tired!
I have great memories of my childhood. I remember my dad taking me up to the downs and putting me in a tyre and rolling me down the hill!
They were good years
In memory of my Dad, here’s his favorite joke: Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
I was able to sketch most of the Alps from memory...
But for one of them, I drew a Blanc.
Which animal has the most memory?
They say that as you get older, the first thing to go is your memory...
But I can't remember the second thing.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
My earliest childhood memory is when my dad took me to the store to get prescription glasses.
Life before that is a blur.
I’ve got the memory of an elephant
I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant
Why can't shellfish play video games?
They can't gain the mussel memory
I remember our childhood quite fondly. My favorite memory is when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
Y'know, the day after Thanksgiving always brings back memories of an old friend of mine who was addicted to Thanksgiving leftovers
He's okay now though, he quit cold turkey
I have fond memories of riding the heaving waters of California upon our indentured help...
It was fun serfing the waves!
I just slept on a memory foam mattress for the first time
it made a great first impression.
The first computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple that barely had any memory. One byte, and everything crashed.
It probably ran on Python
Credit: u/FriendofHolySpirit
Why did the chickens buy a memory foam mattress?
Because they were no spring chickens.
After high school Farris Bueller became one of the most controversial FBI directors in recent memory after his investigation of a sitting president
The investigation was known as the "Bueller Report"
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
My wife's coming back from holiday tomorrow....
Does anyone know how to delete the memory from my memory foam mattress?
A man is at a doctor's appointment and the Doctor returns and tells the man "I'm sorry, sir, but you've contracted a disease that has erased all memories of 80's music from your mind."
The man looks shocked and asks "Oh no! What's the Cure?"
Three old men were at the doctor’s for a memory test.
The doctor asked the first old man “What is two times two?”
“194,” came the reply.
The doctor turned to the second old man. “What is two times two?”
“Thursday,” replied the second old man.
Finally the doctor addressed the third old man. “What is two times two?”
“Four,” came the reply.
“That’s great,” said the doctor. “How did you get that?”
“Simple,” said the third old man. “I subtracted 194 from Thursday!”
My colleague invented a machine that would steal other people’s ideas, and wipe them off the subject’s memory.
Why didn’t I think of that?
Every time I lie down on my new bed, all the embarrassing moments from high school come flooding back to me.
I shouldn’t have bought the repressed memory foam mattress.
I've got some really fond memories of the older Fast and Furious movies
What did the memory card say when it was full?
I can’t take another byte.
It finally happened! I bought memory foam shoes. Now I'll remember what I walked in the other room for.
I'd tell you more about the earthquake I was in, but my memory of it is pretty
I have the memory of a wooly mammoth
It's like an elephant's, but a little fuzzy.
After my memory loss, I couldn't remember the other word for 'couch'.
I've been having a hard time recalling it sofa.
My earliest clear childhood memory is going with my parents to the eye doctor.
Life before that is a blur.
One of my favorite childhood memories is when my dad used to roll us down the hill inside of a tire.
Those were the Goodyears.
I've got the memory of an elephant
I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed.
Edits: Thanks for all the awards!
I have the memory of an elephant.
One time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
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