I locked my door on the way in, but when I looked back, it was slightly ajar
πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Diascamara
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My SO needs the bedroom door locked at night. I've never *not* locked it, but he checks. I asked why he didn't trust me...

He said, "I don't know, I guess it hinges on some things."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mkwise13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Why do the best baseball players never lock their doors?

Because they’re always safe at home

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sunniexdayzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to be in a band called "The Hinges"

We opened for The Doors

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do Castle doors have their locks so far above the ground?

Because of the higher-key

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFifthStep
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
🚨︎ report
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

Bump…

Bump…

Bump…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.

Faster…

Faster…

FASTER…

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.

Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!

And…

The coffin stops….

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxXSchock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.

The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500. The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him β€œThis is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.” He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining β€œjingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations.. β€œRudolph” β€œFrosty the Snowman” β€œDrummer Boy” even β€œI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard! The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. β€œ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs. β€œNO honey it really works watch!” β€œIm going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs. β€œWAIT Honey, one more time, please!” He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out β€œCHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hipphazy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend has been learning magic as a quarantine hobby. I present to you: my oc list of magician jokes and puns I invented to annoy him.

Did you hear about the magician who grabbed Eminem so hard his SnapBack fell off?

He pulled a rabbit out of his hat

What do you call a magician who is an administrator at a college, but nobody knows what students he is in charge of?

Whose dean’s he?

A magician went out to the store and bought a big metal structure so he could hang upside down and do situps. He also loved painting, but because of his style he often knocked the canvas around while dabbing on the paint. So he bought another, wooden structure, like an easel, but with clamps to hold the painting in place while he prodded it with the paintbrush. His wife asked, as he brought them in, what the hell he had just bought. He replied:

β€œAb rack and dab rack”

What do you call a magician with very skinny fingers?

Slight of hand

The magician’s wife brought him to the store to buy gifts for a birthday party. She picked out a lovely candle, but wanted to include a nice note. The magician knew just what to do. He brought her down an aisle, found a section marked β€œbirthday,” and said:

β€œPick a card, any card”

The Russian magician, in 1932, found an amazing new piece for his act: a giant, wooden sarcophagus in the shape of a beautiful woman. The piece had giant, metal blades inside at waist level. They were locked in place while it was open, but retracted as it closed, making it seem as though the magician had escaped death. But one day, while he was practicing, the great sarcophagus fell over - door still open - right on the magician. When he was found, he was cut right in two. Moral of the story:

In Soviet Russia, box woman saws you.

Okay that’s it. I’m so sorry, I have nothing better to do.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nsk09003
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Big brain

If you find yourself locked out of your house, talk to the door because communication is key

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4Dtwins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
An interesting title

My girlfriend locked me outside the house🏠 because she got sick of my terrible wordplay jokes. So I texted her, "Oh pun the door."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNerdyRudh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend told me that she was tired of ED ruining our sex life.

I finally put a lock on the door to keep him from barging in.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
There was once a priest who went to see the world after taking his oath....

After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.

Many years passed by like that.

At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.

With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was a good man, and even though he thought the request was a bit strange, he went back to the rectory, took out a lemon, cut it in half, took it back to the man and gave it to him, who looked back to the priest with gratitude. However, the priest was curious. He asked:

  • Son, why do you need this half of a lemon? - with a fright on his face, and before the priest could have said a thing, he rushed out of the churchyard gate and took off.

A week later, around the same time, when the priest was leaving the church, he found himself in front of the same man in the churchyard. The man said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was surprised by the appearance of the man and his strange request. Of course he was good, went back to the rectory, and brought the half lemon. Placed it in the stranger’s hand and immediately he asked:

  • Here it is, my dear son, but please tell me why do you need this half a lemon? - the man was obviously frightened and immediately ran away but the priest was not sluggish either and ran after him. He wasn’t in a very good condition, he has never run so much and so fast before so he was out of breath by the end of the village, almost fainted. He thought the strange man might appear again next week, and it would be nice if he could keep up with him, so he spent his week working on his cardio. It turned out to be a good idea, because as he thought, the stranger entered the churchyard on Sunday. The priest didn’t even wait for the request, he was good, and brought the half lemon. He received these words from the man:

  • Thank you

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Doty152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to stop using windows

I asked her: How else am I supposed to get in if you lock the door?

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tyyppi_00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend the other day

We were getting out of her car and she attempted to lock it with the fob. After failing a couple times, she reclosed the rear door and locked it. She then turned to me:

Her: "It wont lock if the door is ajar" Me: "What happens if it's a bottle?"

I thought her eyes were going to roll out of her head

πŸ‘︎ 174
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CheezebrgrWalrus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2016
🚨︎ report
A man is driving along a back road at night

His car crashes into a tree, and he escapes unhurt though his car is badly damaged. However, he needs to find somewhere to stay overnight. The man wanders alnog the road until he comes across a monastery. He knocks on the door, and a friendly monk answers.

Man: I've crashed my car and need a place to stay tonight, might I have one of your rooms?

Monk: of course, come right this way.

The monk shows the man to a room, and the man goes to sleep. At midnight, the man is awoken by a loud thumping on the ceiling. He thinks nothing of it and goes to bed, sleeping soundly the rest of the night.

The next day at breakfast he asks one of the monks about the thumping. The monk replies,"sorry, I can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man figures that that's a pretty fair response, and goes to try and fix his car.

After working on the car all day, the man returns to the monastery and asks to stay another night. The monks of course oblige, and the man goes back to the same room. This night, he is awakened by the same thumping, this time even louder. He wonders about it and eventually drifts off to sleep.

The next day, the man continues to work on the car, and needs to stay just one more night to complete it. The monks are happy to give him a room, but the man asks to me moved to a different room so he won't hear the thumping. The man goes to bed but is awakened by even louder thumping.

He decides to go investigate, and climbs the stairs, only to find a locked iron door, with the thumping coming from behind it. Unsatisfied, he goes back to bed.

The next morning, he asks the lead monk about the thumping. The lead monk replies,"sorry, can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man, filled with curiosity, asks the leader how to become a monk. The leader gives him 3 tasks: the first, to circumnavigate the globe, to learn about culture, the second task, to cut an entire field with scissors to learn patience, and the third, to memorize the entire monk book, to learn discipline.

The man completes all the tasks, and the leader takes him up to the iron door and pulls out a key. He opens the door to reveal the Monk's greatest secret.

If you're wondering what it is, I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you aren't a monk.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clutchdanger11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
A person who protests against gay rights is very...

straightforward.

Sorry, the door's locked.

Edit 1: 86 upvotes - by far the most I've ever had. Either this was just super clever or I need to post more.

πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealClyde1
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2015
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather's Honeymoon Joke

So my grandfather is on his honeymoon with our grandmother and they are driving to Las Vegas, on their way there they see a fellow on the side of the road. They debate about taking him to the city instead of leaving him there, the end up letting him get a ride to the city, they say "Hey sir, want a ride to the city?" He replies "sure thanks", they drive down the road and notice he has a bag, so they ask " what's in the bag?" He replies with "None of your damn business" they start to think in their heads, what if he has something illegal or dangerous, so my grandfather takes action, he goes to the side of the road and pretends to fake piss and opens the door and my grandmother kicks him out and my grandfather gets back in locks the door and they speed off, as they're driving they notice he left his back and dropped it in the car, they decide to open and see what it beholds, they open the bag and find a single piece of paper, the paper had wording on it, it said "None of your damn business."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lerrou
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Wife locked me out...

Was going out to the garage to grab a soda, and as I'm passing my wife, she asks if I want a piece of cheese she's cutting up.

I reply with "I Quess-so"...

Got the best eye roll ever, go out, grab my soda, and when I get back to the garage door, she totally locked it lol.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aelwero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Overheard this exchange between my Dad and Sister

My sister came home and opened her bedroom door to find the cats had been locked in there for a while and were very keen to get out. She then came in to the kitchen and asked. "How long have the cats been locked in my room? Because they flew out the second I opened the door" Dad: "Well, long enough to grow wings"

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cows_opinion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife took our daughter for her first haircut and it didn't go as planned...

I came home from work and my wife pointed upstairs.

I just knew that our daughter had locked herself in her room and was crying her eyes out.

I knocked softly on the door and said, "Honey? Are you ok?"

She whimpered, "Daddy! I hate my haircut!"

I replied, β€œDon’t worry, it’ll grow on you.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad and I were having an argument.

When I was four years old, my dad and I got into an argument over who should get the remote control. Because I was significantly smaller and younger, my dad won the argument. I was angry, so I walked my little four year old behind to my grandma's house that was across the street. Grandma wasn't home, but the door was never locked, so I made myself a poptart and proceeded to watch nickelodeon until my mom got home from church. Once I had my fill of fruity pastry and child entertainment I walked back to my house where my mom was screaming at my father. "How could you let a four year old just go like that? Unsupervised!". My dad was silent. My mother continued, " it's like you don't care at all about me or our children!" Still nothing from dad. "Well this is the last straw!" my mom shouted, "I'm leaving you! Do you have anything to say for yourself?" My dad spoke softly, "hi leaving you, I'm dad."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Risky_milk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2016
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend put my pants in the wash with cash in the pockets.

Me: Baby you know you're a criminal now? Her: What? Why? Me: For money laundering...

Her: Go make sure the door is locked

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeTheMadman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
🚨︎ report
There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
🚨︎ report
In honor of my recently deceased high school English teacher

This was one of her favorite jokes she loved to tell: One day, a man was walking home after a long day at work. As he waited for a crosswalk signal, he glanced back and noticed a coffin standing down the block. "Odd," he thought, but he ignored it and continued home. He turned the corner and managed to catch a glimpse of the coffin again. This time is was closer to him... like it was following him. He picked up his pace and ran into his apartment complex. The coffin was right behind him. In a fright, he dashed up the stairs to his place, locked the door and barricaded himself in the bathroom. Thud, thud, thud! The coffin was banging on the bathroom door. The man frantically looked for something to defend himself. Just as the coffin busted through the door, the man grabbed some cough syrup from the medicine cabinet, threw it at the coffin ... and the coffin stopped.

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/biseriousjohn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad's favorite spooky Halloween joke

My dad told me this the first time on Halloween night back when I was 9. He tells it to this day to any of my cousins, nephews, or any kids that happen to linger too long at the house when he's giving out candy. It's a long one but I have always enjoyed it.

Back when I was about your age, I went on a Halloween adventure. There was an old abandoned house on our street where a series of grisly axe murders had taken place years before. The house had never sold and was left vacant and was left to fall apart. There was a local legend that if you went into the house on Halloween night, you'd be confronted by the ghost of the murderer himself, still looking for more victims to add to his terrifying story.

My friend Tom and I decided to go through with it one year. Knowing everyone would be too terrified to go into the house, we snuck in easily on Halloween night. The place was falling apart inside, the carpet was wet and moldy and the wallpaper was peeling off everywhere. We headed down carefully to the basement down a set of creaky stairs.

At first we found nothing. Just an empty creepy old house. Suddenly we felt as if we were being watched. I was looking through one of the rooms in the large basement when I suddenly heard Tom shriek. I spun around and turned my flashlight and Tom was being chased by something, no someone. It looked like it was the murderer! A crazed man with an axe!

We turned and tried to run anywhere. We were in the basement but couldn't get up the stairs because we were blocked. We ran into the side room which looked like it might have been the laundry years ago. We locked the door and looked for a way out. The only thing we could find was a small window that opened onto ground level. As I climbed out I heard a pounding on the door. I managed to wriggle my way through the window and turned around to help my friend Tom. Panicking, he managed to get his top half through the window when I noticed the pounding stop.

Tom was stuck! I kept trying to pull him up but I couldn't. I pulled as hard as I could as Tom panicked and thrashed even more. I thought something had him caught, but it was even worse. The murderer had gotten behind him and was holding him back! He was too strong for me to overcome and he was pulling Tom's leg!

Just like I've been pulling yours this whole time.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheG-What
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
🚨︎ report
Grilling Chicken

So I asked my dad (a pretty good cook) how to properly grill chicken. His response:

In a basement cement block room, with a locked door, place a chair under a bright light. Have the chicken sit in the chair and aggressively ask it probing questions.

If it doesn't give honest answers, slap it around a little.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kleinyman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2014
🚨︎ report
My office pulled a dadjoke today..

Scenario: We're closing up for the day, so we need to lock our doors.

One of my co-workers is holding on to the key.

Another one of my co-workers said: Quit being so dorky and give me the door key.

Groaning followed..

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fireglare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2014
🚨︎ report
Not sure if this counts (but its totally a dad move)

My wife and daughter picked me up from work today.

As I'm turning to lock the door, my daughter wants to race me.

'Hold on a sec so I can lock the door'

Then I asked her if she wants to take my keys out of the lock. As soon as she does, I take off for the car.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red3biggs
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2015
🚨︎ report
we took the doors off the jeep wrangler today...

dad: "dont bother locking the doors"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lankykid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2013
🚨︎ report
A scientist and his assistant

A scientist and his assistant are in the lab. In front of them is a tank with two fish swimming around. the scientist says to his assistant, "Go into the specimen room and get two more fish."

So the assistant grabs a cart, goes across the hall to the specimen room, puts in his access code on the number panel, pushes the cart in, picks up two fish bowls, each with a fish swimming around, and places them in the cart.

Then he pushes the cart back across the hall into the lab, checking to make sure the door to the specimen room shuts behind him, brings the cart in.

The scientist says, "Pour each fish into the tank with the other two."

So the assistant pushes the cart right next to the tank, picks up each bowl and pours them into the tank with the other fish "

The scientist says, "Now go get some electrical wire out of the storage room."

So the assistant leaves the lab, walks down the hall to the storage room, puts in his access code, grabs a coil of copper wire, marks how much he took on the inventory sign off sheet, leaves the storage room, and locks the door behind him.

So he walks back into the lab with the wire, and the scientist says, "Cut two pieces, each about four feet and place one end of each in the tank."

So the assistant unwraps about eight feet of the copper wire, cuts it in two pieces, and bends one end of each length so they hang on the edge of the tank with six inches into the water.

Then the scientist says, " Now plug each piece of copper wire into that electrical outlet and electrocute the fish "

And the assistant says, "Four watt porpoise?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Redremnant
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
🚨︎ report
When Dad helps you Move

A week ago I just purchased a condo. After closing my parents met me at the empty condo, and we had lunch. While waiting for the locksmith to rekey the locks, we moved in a patio loveseat and 1 camping chair, and put them temporarily in the main room for us to sit. Everything else would be moved in the next day.

Locksmith comes, and while he is working on the back door we sit down. My dad turns to me and says "You've got enough money to pay the locksmith." The locksmith pauses and looks at me as I say "Yes". Dad then says:

"I'm proud of you for being able to get this place. And don't worry, I'm sure one day you'll be able to afford furniture."

The locksmith looks uncomfortable and moves to a different door. My dad then just starts laughing uncontrollably. I just stare at him in shock, it was so well delivered. And hey! The locksmith gave me a discount as he felt sorry for me.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jadeoracle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2014
🚨︎ report
My new coworker is going to be a goldmine...

I've only worked with him a day and I've already got these two:

Man "Yeah, I don't really like seafood." Coworker "Oh yeah? What about B-food?"

Man (looking at a remote to lock and unlock a door) "I wonder what the range of this is?" Coworker "Depends...how far can you throw it?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DDiverTitN
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
🚨︎ report
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night

When behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER

FASTER

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, and slams it shut and locks it behind him.

However, the casket crashes through the door, with the lid of the casket clacking

Clapity-BUMP...

Clapity-BUMP...

Clapity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs in the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him

A man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the bottle of cough syrup at the casket and...

The coffin stops.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Energylegs23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
It was a dark and foggy night

A man is walking home alone one foggy evening, when behind him he faintly hears:

thump...

thump...

thump...

Senses tingling, he begins walking faster only to look back and make out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

THUMP...

THUMP...

THUMP...

Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER

FASTER

THUMP...

THUMP...

THUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, slams it shut and locks it behind him.

However, the casket crashes through the door, and with the lid of the casket clacking on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Clappity-THUMP...

Clappity-THUMP...

Clappity-THUMP...

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH! the casket breaks down the door. Thumping and clapping towards him, the man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws it at the casket and...

The coffin stops.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MysteryOrange7
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.