A guy brings his friend to see his new lake house. When they get there, they see a goose on the front steps.
The friend says "hey, is he yours?"
The guy replies "yep, kept him after I found him alone by the lake. He can't communicate with any of the other birds."
His friend looked confused. "Is he mute?"
"No. I think he speaks porch geese."
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︎ Jan 21 2021
I can't think of a better way to cross the lake
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︎ Dec 29 2020
What is the coolest lake in the world?
Lake Chad...
slow motion sunglasses in front of explosion.gif
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︎ Jan 02 2021
A man is out ice fishing, but not having any luck. But he sees a guy across the lake pulling out fish after fish.
So the man goes over and says βIβve been watching you catch so many fish today, but Iβm getting nothing. Whatβs your secret?β
The other man says βMffffmmm mmmm mfffmmmm mmmmmβ
The first man says βWhat?β
The other man spits something into his hand and says βI said, you gotta keep your worms warm!β
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︎ Dec 20 2020
I dropped my phone in the lake...
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Went fishing with a friend that wanted to throw rocks into the lake
I told βem we should just skip it
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︎ Oct 02 2020
How to Catch a Polar Bear: 1)Find a frozen lake 2)Dig a hole in the ice 3)Surround the hole with frozen peas 4)Hide nearby.
When the bear stops to take a pea, kick it in the ice hole!
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︎ Jul 04 2020
What do people who like to annoy grammar snobs call it when you leave the Great Lakes unprotected?
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︎ Oct 04 2020
I was at the lake, and I had a really bad feeling about the dock.
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︎ Aug 29 2020
While we were out on the lake, my girlfriend swore she saw a bird dive into the water...
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︎ Sep 20 2020
Had to tell my family we can't take the boat to the lake cause my truck broke down. Fortunately, avocado.
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︎ Aug 21 2020
I was just trying to enjoy a day out on the lake. No matter where you are, you can never escape the puns.
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︎ Jul 12 2020
why didn't the indie lake make a games platform
it was afraid of becoming steam
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︎ Aug 28 2020
I keep thinking about how fun it would be to get a couple friends and go out to the lake. Maybe rent a pontoon boat.
I dunno, Iβll float the idea by my brother.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
How does the flower cross the lake
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︎ Jul 12 2020
The reason lakes are bigger than rivers is because one has running water whereas the other water is merely standing.
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︎ Jun 23 2020
Why did the hipster fall in the lake?
He went ice skating before it was cool.
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︎ Mar 08 2020
How does a flower get a boat across the lake?
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︎ Apr 18 2020
We were camping near the lake and my wife wanted to go canoeing...
She asked: "Which paddle should I take? The short wooden one, the long metal one?
I replied: "Doesn't matter, its either-oar situation"
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︎ Jun 12 2020
I once hiked to a lake with the states of Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York on its western, southern, and eastern shores. Not a bird was singing and the lake was still...
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︎ Jun 04 2020
I threw my iPhone to the lake the other thay
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︎ May 27 2020
Right now everyone in Cleveland is taking social distancing very seriously. Even the walkway around the lake is empty
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︎ Mar 23 2020
My Bluetooth speaker wasnβt working so I threw it into the lake.
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︎ Sep 17 2019
What is the lake's favorite season?
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︎ Mar 05 2020
I wanted to teach my goldfish to jump, so I took it to a lake in the mountains
But it turns out spring water is just false advertisement
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︎ Dec 29 2019
I had to give a guard a toy before I was allowed to go fishing in the lake...
I guess that's the Fisher Price.
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︎ Jan 10 2020
I took my dog to the lake to day and noticed he floats very well
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︎ Jan 19 2019
Why did the Sun go down to the lake?
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︎ Dec 02 2019
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
Just arrived in Minnesota: the land of 10,000 lakes and 1 bad pun..
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︎ Jul 03 2019
I wouldn't rank the Great Lakes from best to worst...
But one of them is definitely Superior.
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︎ Apr 22 2019
I recently started taking my paddle boat out on the lake
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︎ Apr 14 2019
The lake by my house was overpopulated with river otters that would bite and harass people. The local gov used explosives to fix the problem. They called it operation otter pop
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︎ Apr 15 2019
Today at the lake...
My daughter dropped her phone in the water and jumped in after it.
I told her she just open an InstaSwam account.
Somehow I'm the bad guy.
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︎ Jun 24 2019
Friend's dad... Instead of the Hellman's in a lake...
http://i.imgur.com/kekwP1L.jpg
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︎ May 06 2015
Two friends are out at the lake..
One of the guys pulls out this really, really long lighter. And his friend says, "Hey, that's a cool lighter. Where'd you get it?" He says, "Oh, I've got this magic genie in a lamp. You know, rub the lamp, get a wish." Friend goes, "Well shit, man! Don't hold out! I want a wish!" "Okay, man, but I have to warn you.. This genie is *really* old.." "All right, whatever, just give me a wish." So he rubs the lamp, the genie comes out, and grants him a wish. He says, "I want a million bucks!" "Your wish is granted," says the genie, he disappears into the lamp, and suddenly a million *ducks* descend upon this lake. The guy is baffled and says, "Hey, what's the deal? I asked for a million *bucks*, not a million *ducks*.." His friend replies, "Dude, you think I asked for a 12-inch *Bic*?"
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︎ Jun 03 2019
In 1935, an American went out on a quest to discover the Loch Ness monsters. He found that according to legend, there were at least 10 in existence. Instead of trying Scotland, he believed the US might have these lake monsters. In which state did he begin his quest?
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︎ May 06 2019
Go throw a jar of Hellman's in the Lake!
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︎ May 05 2015
My two year old girl loves going to the lake...
She gets to see her buoy-friends.
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︎ May 08 2019
What happened to the three cats who fell through the ice on a frozen lake in QuΓ©bec?
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︎ Feb 06 2019
Fishing on an inland lake on an island this weekend with my daughter. This island generates lots of power via wind turbines. Anyway, We are on the lake and it gets rough and REALLY windy. Pretend to get mad and yell at the power station...
"Turn off the damn fans, I'm trying to fish over here and you are creating too much wind"...
groans ensue.....
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︎ Jul 03 2019
My boy got creeped out at the great lakes
He said it was too Erie for him
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︎ Apr 08 2019
A team of investigators found the body of a missing person in a frozen lake...
They finally cracked the cold case
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︎ Apr 08 2019
I once witnessed a magician make the fog over a lake disappear.
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︎ Aug 31 2018
Whatβs the fastest fish in the lake?
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︎ Apr 12 2019
What do you call a man with no legs or arms when you throw him in the lake
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︎ Jul 15 2018
Why did the hipster fall into the lake ?
He went ice skating before it was cool.
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︎ Jan 31 2020
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