The Keeper Puns

It's pretty bear bones, now.

It was okay, he assured me that it would beehave

...Guess you could say the zoo keeper got bamboozled!

He sure does enjoy giving freebees

It was a freebie.

.. Aww mane, no fur!

That it's bread in captivity.

Sorry.

Because his teammate is a little Messi

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

The seller said, “Oh, that last one is a freebee!”

She was wearing massive gloves

“Yeahh mate no problem it’s bread in captivity”

Brewed Tea is in the eye of the Bee Holder

Encrypted

His colleagues are calling him the avant-gardener

One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper

My girlfriend and I were shopping for groceries for my place at whole foods yesterday and she was reading a list of things to buy. In the middle of the list was "Fungi". "Fungi? You mean mushrooms?" I asked. "No, we need fungi. Wait, we don't have to buy it. I have Chinese fungi at my place" she replied. "Hmmm. I don't like that you have a Chinese fungi at your place" "Why?!" "Well, how would YOU like it if I had a Chinese fun girl at my place?"

She laughed out loud. She's a keeper.

I was at a restaurant with a friend and my girlfriend yesterday for an early dinner and we started discussing the difficulties of being a teacher. My friend then said "i just don't have the patience to be a teacher." I hesitated for a second, out of cowardice, but then replied with "teachers have students, not patients." There were lots of cringes. My girlfriend actually laughed and then said aloud that she hated herself for doing so. I think she's a keeper. :)

The shop keeper said that's Madeira Cake

The cemetery keeper has told people not to worry, he's just decomposing.

EDIT down-voting because you can't Handel this level of humor is a crime against humanity.

I was asking my girlfriend about her yoga classes, and she said she wasn't really into the spiritual side of yoga, and it weirds her out when some instructors end the class with a communal 'ohmmmm'.

Me: So you're saying there's some resistance to the ohm?

She laughed. She's a keeper.

He seats himself at a table. The sight is so strange that the owner comes over personally and asks, "Can I help you?" The panda replies, "Do you have anything with bamboo?" The owner answers, "We have a few Chinese dishes that have bamboo." The panda says, "I'll just have the bamboo." So the owner heads to the kitchen and soon returns with a plate of bamboo. The panda eats every last morsel, then pulls out a pistol, fires it into the ceiling, and walks out. The owner is startled and completely confused, so he follows the panda all the way back to the zoo. When he finds the zoo keeper, he walks up and asks, "Do you have any idea what your panda just did? He came into my restaurant, ate a bunch of bamboo, pulled out a pistol, fired it into the ceiling, and walked out." The zoo keeper replied, "Well, of course, he's a panda; that's what they do." Then, when he saw the owner was still confused, added, "Haven't you ever read about pandas?" More confused than ever, the owner walks home. He gets out his old set of encyclopedias, dusts off the letter "P, " and turns to the entry on pandas: "The panda is a large mammal, native to China; it eats bamboo shoots and leaves."

The store keeper said that they ran out of stock of piccolos but he could rent out a flute, the lieutenant agreed promptly.

After the performance the lieutenant came back to the store to return the flute. The store keeper asked if he was the flute tenant

No I am the lieutenant

And the pelican keepers warn that they could be facing some enormous bills.

I asked the keeper, “How did that toast get into the cage?”

She replied, “It was bread in captivity."

One bee keeper the other be reaper.

I was raised homeschooled. As a result of this up bringing, I went to many different places to learn things.

One day we went to a farm, and this farm just so happened to have a bee keeper working on it. So I naturally struck up a conversation with the fine man, asking him questions about what he did, and how he liked his job.

Little did I know some time had passed and it was time to go. My mother had called to me from behind my back saying it was time to leave, but I didn’t pay her any attention. Then, in a stern tone, she called to me again from behind that it was time to go.

Then I saw her face, now I’m a bee leaver. Not a trace, of doubt in my mind.

So I've started dating this girl who works at the Zoo. Mum likes her too. She thinks she's a keeper...

I am a TA for her pchem lab and today they were determining the speed of light by melting food in a microwave. We removed the rotating plate from the oven when she pointed and said "That was revolutionary".

She may be a keeper.

Edit : Grammar fails.

I said we'd have to boost it if we wanted to go out for waffles, and she responded "Well of course we have to jump the car if we want to go to IHOP!"

She's a keeper.

when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. The zoo keeper said "it's terrible terrible news, now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.

It's a cold November evening and 2 men out on the town. They enter a bar and approach the keeper. One man says to the other man "Hey Donkey, I think it's your turn" and walks off to use the toilet.

Donkey looks at the bar keeper and says "T-T-T-T-T-Two B-B-B-B-Beers Ppppppppp-Ppppplease"

Given his speech impediment, the keeper feels sorry for the man and say "Do you mind him calling you Donkey"

Donkey looks sadly at the keeper and say "He-aw-He-aw-He always calls me that"

I say: yeah, I’ve gone to Germany, have Uganda Germany?

She sighed, then walked over and said “ok, here’s the high five you think you deserve.” She’s a keeper.

I replied, "Well, there's that and the fact that she's a keeper!"

What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the Fresh Prince.

I'm not sure, but something tells me she's a keeper, guys.

Because beauty is in the eye of the bee holder

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity

The keeper said it was bread in captivity

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

When I asked the keeper why, he said, "It was bread in captivity!"

The zoo keeper said it was bread in captivity.

I asked the zoo keeper why there was a baguette in a cage and he said it was bread in captivity!

when I asked the keeper about it, he said it was bread in captivity

One is a groundskeeper, while the other is a grounds keeper.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

I asked the keeper, 'How did that toast get into the cage?'

'It was bread in captivity' she replied.