I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
Why did the Donkey quit his job?
I quit my job at the IRS.
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda-pressing.
What did the taxidriver say, when he lost his Will to do his Job?
Please end My Chauffeuring!
What is the difference between an old bus station and a crab with a boob job?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean
I got a job at the guillotine factory.
I'll beheading there shortly.
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.
As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.
I got fired from my job at the calendar factory
All I did was take a day off
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!
I conducted a study for Steve Jobs regarding the lack of evolution in his employees.
Those are Apple Bottom Genes.
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing.
A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.
I still think he was selling himself short.
At a job interview the interviewer asked me why i had a 4 year gap in my resume. I told him, that it’s because i went to yale. He looked impressed and told me i’m hired.
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
He couldn’t see himself doing it.
I was pissed when I lost my job at the horse ranch
I was told it would be stable.
Why was the mathematician overqualified for his job?
Because he had 360 degrees.
We’re remodeling our home’s exterior and my wife is being prying/divisive regarding who I’m hiring to do the job.
She really wants to know who I’m siding with
The guy working in the factory was told he was not strong enough to do the job
He decided to quit by handing in his too weak notice
Why did the archeologist have to get a new job?
Because her career was in ruins!
I quit my job at the helium gas factory today
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
The elevator inspector’s job is very interesting.
It has its ups and downs.
after the dam failed, the engineer thought he'd lost his job for sure
but at the performance review he was consoled by his boss, "it's all just water under the bridge"
What job does Bart Simpson hate the most?
Do degrees even matter as long as the person gets the job done?
What internet job did the potato get?
Did you know being a minute is the most dangerous job on the planet?
Because every 60 seconds, a minute passes
I hate my new job in the shoe recycling plant
I told my wife I want to give up my high paying computer programming job to become a farmer. Astounded, she asked, “Why in the world would you want to do that?” I replied,
“It’s a growing industry.”
Two blokes go for a job. Before they can get the job they are asked some questions.
One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions.
Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers?
So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen.
I would go half blind.
If i poke you right eye what would happen.
I would go fully blind.
Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in.
As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind.
Thanks mate and goes to see the boss.
Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen.
I would go half blind.
Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen.
I would go fully blind.
The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out.
He said thats obvious.
My cap would fall over my eyes!!
My job interview for the Navy was going well, until they asked if I could swim
To be honest, I thought they’d have boats.
If you want a job in the moisturizer industry...
...the best advice I can give is apply daily.
i lost my job at the bank on my very first day.
A lady asked me to check her balance, so i pushed her over.
I started a job watching hourglasses just to check if the correct amount of time was passing for them.
But recently I’ve been bringing in model airplanes so I can make the hourglasses passengers and watch time fly.
I broke up with a woman who loved her job at the suitcase factory.
I didn't want her emotional baggage.
Did I steal this from someone? I'm getting old...
For a temp job I had to conduct surveys on the street and often times people would reluctantly comply disclaiming to "Keep it short please!"
So my question was: What do you know about dwarves?
Why did the job applicant kick the door on his way into the interview?
So he could try to get a foot in the door
I quit my job as a taste tester at the herbal seasonings factory...
... I found the work too Thyme consuming.
I lost my job at the bank today which is a shame.
I was taking home $25,000 dollars a week.
When i heared that they removed Trump from the white house after realizing he probably wasn't the right man for the job..
..all i could do was shake my head and mumble... "Unpresidented"
I’m a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....”looks like you have the best job” he says, “why is that?” I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!
I was fired from my job at the distillery.
I guess I misunderstood when my therapist told me not to keep everything bottled up.
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks “why should I hire you?” The applicant responded “I have a special talent!”
“Oh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.
The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.
At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!
“You’re hired!!” He exclaimed.
The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.
The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.
A bystander asked “who is he?”
The priest responded “I don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”
I got fired from my job at the calendar factory ...
... because I took a few days off.
I quit my job at the helium factory.
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
Why did the archaeologist have to get a new job?
Because her career was in ruins!
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