My girlfriend got asked on a date, but the hopeful player fell flat.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LouisMack
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2017
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Once again I've entered the annual tightest hat competition in our town, this year I'm just hoping..

..that I can pull it off.

πŸ‘︎ 391
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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I hope that the universe keeps on expanding forever so all the heat runs out some day. It means that eventually things are gonna be 0 K
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B_Baerbel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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I hope the standards of this sub are low enough
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yomamama69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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Imagine being held at gunpoint by (bear with me) a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on social media.

wHo the hEll would beLieve such a thing can hapPen.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SocialPerformer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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A woman entered an online pun contest. She submitted ten different puns in the hope that at least one would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolf_taylor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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My sister had a baby, she hopes it’ll save the relationship...

But I still don’t talk to her

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frozeneskimo02
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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What did the pregnant LGBTQ buffalo hope she was having?

A Bison.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeerBearBar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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I took the shell off of my racing snail in hopes that he'd be lighter and faster...

But now he's just sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yadnivek
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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My wife arrived for an appointment and texted me "There's no body here!"

"Well I hope you would call the cops if there were"

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red3biggs
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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I hope when they're older all the coronials

Will refer to themselves as quaran-teens

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scamperly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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I hope this is the right sub
πŸ‘︎ 244
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bosasa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.

Operation Toot And Calm β€˜Em will last a week.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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Did you know if you and your buddy fart at the same time it makes you Egyptian?

Because you have a Tutankhamun.

Note:I thought of this today I really hope the joke lands.

πŸ‘︎ 511
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TLEToyu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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A man walks into a bar

A man walked into a bar with his dog and ordered a few drinks. At the end of the night, when he got the tab, he was astounded at the $50 check. He calls the bar tender over hoping to strike a deal. β€œBartender, I only have 20 bucks I can’t pay for this drink. Let’s make a deal, if my dog can talk then you’ll let me have my drinks for free.” The bartender states, β€œthere is no way that damn dog can talk! Pay me the money!” The man in response states, β€œNo no sir, watch. Spots, what kind of situation are you in when you didn’t study for a test?” The dog, β€œRuff!” The man carries on the bit, β€œSee bar tender my dog can talk! You’re in a rough situation when you don’t study!” The bartender, β€œNow boy don’t play with me now, just pay your tab, that dog can’t talk!” β€œWell here, I’ll prove it to you. Spots, what texture is sandpaper?” β€œRuff!” The bartender reaches hand over the counter, almost touching the man, β€œI won’t ask again sir.” β€œI have one more, just watch. Spots, who is the best baseball player?” β€œRuff!” The bartender, done being fooled with, throws the man in his dog out of the bar, taking all his money. He looks at his dog sadly, β€œsorry spots, I guess he doesn’t believe you can talk...” The dog looks up, confused, β€œmaybe I should’ve said DiMaggio.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DorkeyTree
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
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I really hope mailmen don’t start getting the Coronavirus

They’re really good carriers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danceswithshrews
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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I put original copies of "The Fall of the House of Usher", "The Murders in the Rue Morgue", "The Pit and the Pendulum" and "The Tell-Tale Heart" on credit hoping to pay them off slowly. Unfortunately, I couldn't make all payments...

He re-Poe-ed them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....

Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".

(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")

Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mavaction
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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The last one from home? Hopefully.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What do you call Cyclops if he transitioned?

An eX-Man

Hope I don't get banned but I approved the joke with my friends.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LykoStudios
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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MC-Dino hopes the Reddit crowd gets him... πŸ₯Ί
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mbs3
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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I hope the tension on the Kashmir border doesn't escalate.

But I think it will work out Indian (In-di-an).

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrimpio
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2020
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OPun (Open source Puns) database from my site released

Hopefully this post is allowed. 5 or so years ago, I decided to post puns that I either came up with or enjoyed a lot. My goal was to make it easy to find puns based on a topic or subject. So I heavily tagged all of the entries with relevant information. I've consistently uploaded new puns on at least a weekly basis, but usually every 3 days.

I've amassed a large collection that I've decided to open source. I've dumped my database into a JSON file that is open and free to use (with proper attribution).

Let me know what you think!
https://punatorium.com/opun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabberzx3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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8 Year Old's Bee Pun - Proud Mom Moment

I was walking the other day with my son when he noticed a bee. I told him to leave it alone, to which he replied, "I'll be careful. Get it?! BEE!"

I was beginning to lose hope that he wasn't ever going to understand or appreciate puns! He's in the club now!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MedievalSpice
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
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Hope they release the album
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klarcacariaga
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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The pennie joke

No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

A $100 bill went to heaven and was heading towards the gate when St. Peter stopped him. The bill said "What's the matter?". And St. Pete said, "You can't go in". And the bill replied, "Why not? I've done nothing wrong. I was given to charity for the poor and I've been with the richest people on Earth". Right then, a $20 bill was passing by, and St. Peter stopped him as well. "What does this mean? I've been good with everyone and I've been given to the poor more times than the $100 bill". But St. Pete had none of it. Right then, a $1 bill was passing by and it too was stopped. "I've been given to the poor more times than any of these combined! This is outrageous!". And right then, an old, dirty and rusty pennie was passing through the gates, jumping with joy. He stopped for a moment and smiled at St. Pete. And St. Pete smiled back, as the pennie leaped into heaven. All the other bills were confused and enraged. And when they asked St. Pete why that filthy little coin was let in, and not them, St. Peter responded: "He was the only one to go to mass".

I hope you have a nice day!

P.S: No offense is intended with this joke. It was a joke that a Catholic priest once said, and I found it quite funny.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshy2004194II
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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I asked my future father-in-law for his daughter's hand in marriage.

He said I hope you take the rest of her too!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though

They got it right off the bat

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πŸ‘€︎ u/m3m3sRc00l420
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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What movie is the quintessential dad joke movie?

I realize this isn't a joke, but it seems the best place to ask it. Hopefully the mods will let it ride. What movie is the quintessential dad joke movie?

My vote is "Top Secret!" with Val Kilmer in the mid 80s.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/02C_here
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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Pun war! The topic is food. If you have a pun comment it. I hope this will turnip good.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Potato12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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Someone kidnapped the Easter Bunny, hoping to steal his stash of candy. But the Bunny was steadfast and wouldn't talk.

Couldn't get a Peep out of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m hoping in the next iOS update Apple releases they include more jack o lantern emojis.

But I don’t want to count my pumpkins before they patch.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluemelon555
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Gravity is so depressing

Always bringing me down...

The stairs, hope my leg heals soon

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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I couldn't make the pun in proper English, hope someone will still enjoy it though
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Made this on the faculty whiteboard, hopefully this is self-explanatory
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghost_of_Yharnam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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Pun request?

Not sure if this is allowed here. But I thought I’d give it a try.

I’m buying a stand mixer for my SO’s birthday. I was looking to add a note to the gift that’s punny. β€œI hope the treats you make with this are as sweet as you”. That ones terrible. I think?

But I would definitely love some help. Thank you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMWasap
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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I shouted into the canyon in hopes of hearing my echo.

It was a resounding success.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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After seeing this I will always remember the spelling of psychotherapist but I hope I won't give spaces between Psycho The Rapist πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yugvijay
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Surabar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StewPaddasso
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2017
🚨︎ report

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