Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
I crossed the border into Mexico without much hassle. Crossing it a second time was fine too, but on the third time a guard stopped me and said “Sorry
Do you know why the security guard is not the champion?
Because he is not the best of the mall
Are the guards at the Paralympics armed?
Or is that considered cheating?
Why didn't the life guard save the hippy from drowning?
Because he was too far out man.
At the beach, opposite the life guard, a man sleeps on a towel, adjacent an unopened umbrella.
When he wakes up, he's going to be a tan gent.
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
What do you call a guard at the Samsung store?
A guardian of the galaxy!
A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.
The Warden said "he's a little condescending"
What’s the difference between a jeweler and a prison guard?
one watches cells and one sells watches
What did the kindergarten teacher say to the kindergarten security guard?
You can watch the kids, but don't Overwatch them.
That's just creepy...
The presidents guards aren’t allowed to scream “get down” before the president is attacked anymore.
They have to yell “Donald, Duck!”
Edit: whoever gave me the gold award, thank you so much. I would repay you in a way, but I don’t know who you are.
When does the dwarf that is a knight, guard the castle?
How do guards decide who the best prisoner is?
Who was the Knight that was caught off guard in the battle field?
I know a really great joke about the Army Reserve and National Guard...
But it only works one weekend out of the month.
I killed the guards for internet to post this,they are coming soon,1 upvote= 1 dies
What do the swiss guard and swiss cheese have in common?
They're both known for their holiness
I met the world’s greatest security guard the other day. When I asked him the secret, he said it was all in his name.
I had to give a guard a toy before I was allowed to go fishing in the lake...
I guess that's the Fisher Price.
Did you hear the one about Epstein’s Prison Guard who died in a car crash?
It’s all over next weeks papers
The metal detector beeped when the guard was checking me. He asked me if I had any metallic stuff with me, I said:
No...it just beeped because my Shirt is Ironed.
Why couldn't the life guard save the hippie?
(Hippie voice )Cause he was to far out man....
Why couldn't the coast guard rescue the hippie?
Because he was too far out
Why didn't the border guard allow a llama to enter the country?
A human is on a alien space ship alone in a cage. An alien guard sees him and puts another human in the cage along with him.
Human asks “why didnt you leave me in the cage alone?”
Alien says “i didnt want to alienate you”
The villagers gathered as the guards dragged the blacksmith through the town square.
One of the villagers turned and asked another, "what happened?"
She told him, "he's been arrested for forgery."
Why did the poet hire a security guard?
He didn't want his metaphors to be taken literally.
Are the security guards at rubber ball factories
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates…
The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.
Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.
But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.
So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.
But, alas, Andy refused.
He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."
Why couldn’t the life guard save the hippy?
Because he was too far out, man
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.
I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.
What do you call the guards of a Samsung store?
The Guardians of the Galaxy
Do you know what they call the security guards at Samsung?
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office
I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.
What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store?
What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung factory?
Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office
I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security
Why didn’t the life guard save the hippie
What do you call the security guards outside a Samsung store!
What do you call the security guards at the Samsung store
What do you call the guards working at Samsung?
What do you call a guard working at the Samsung store?
What do you call the security guards outside samsung store?
What do you call the guards outside the Samsung Store?
The Gaurdians of the Galaxy.
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