What's the difference between a fox and a dog ?

About 8 tequilas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found...

She says, β€œOh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”

The guy replies, β€œI don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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A wolf, a fox and a weasel all go to a diner. The waitress comes over and asks them what they want to drink. β€œCoffee” growls the wolf. β€œWater” says the fox...

And β€œPop!” goes the weasel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichNCrispy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2017
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My friend said he saw a fox on the way to work this morning...

I said how do you know he was on his way to work...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swimtoodeep
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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Dad called the Police today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs..."

"That's terrible," the woman dispatcher on the phone replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," Dad said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fr_Time
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
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Why couldn't the fox catch the cheetah?

because the cheetah is faster

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aliceinwaterland
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Did you hear about the Ox that got mad when a witch turned him into a Fox?

He felt he got effed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LYKAF0XX
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2013
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A fox snuck into the chicken coup last night and killed them all...

Authorities were unsure whether to label it a coup d'etat or a henocide...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaelessin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2014
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Saw Michael J. Fox the other day, in a garden center of all places. Didn't recognise him straight away though

he had his back to the fuchsias.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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What's the difference between a fox, a deer, and a rabbit?

They are different animals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Willdoeswarfair
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2017
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Did you hear the ex CEO of Fox news died?

I wonder what ailed him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/r0bbiedigital
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2017
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Two people went on a hike and came across some tracks. One argued they were foxes and the other said they were a deers

They were still arguing when the train hit them tho 🚞

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eoghanr888
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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A zookeeper is having trouble sleeping...

because of a certain case, which made it so that all the zoo animals had to stay in his bedroom. One of them keeps on waking him up, but he’s not sure which one. He goes to see an expert on similar situations like this. They go over which one is the most likely. The expert says:

β€œIt’s not the fox, since those are quiet. It’s also most likely not the monkeys, because these types sleep well.”

They have a conversation like this, but the zookeeper keeps on wanting to talk about his elephant, which he loved and thought would never want to wake him up. The expert notices and plays along for a while, avoiding the subject until all other animals are no longer a suspect. The expert finally gets tired and asks the zookeeper:

β€œAre we going to talk about the elephant in the room?”

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Dad joked about her day

My mum was telling my dad about her day, and said "I saw a fox on the way to work this morning." My dad responds with "How do you know it was going to work?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_knox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2014
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Animals puns for wedding tables...

We're having a Canadian wedding with an animal theme to differentiate the different tables. On each table we'll have an animal emblem with some kind of love pun for each animal. It's been a trying affair to come up with these, but I know a lot of them could be better. In fact, most of them are downright ridiculous.

Reddit, how can we improve these?

Moose - I find you amoosing.

Beaver - I think I'll pick this flower for her, it would beavery romantic.

Owl - Owl always love you.

Fox - You are the object of my affoxtion.

Skunk - I stink you're sweet!

Bunny - Everybunny loves you!

Woodpecker - Knock Knock! Who's there? Wood! Wood who? Wood you be mine?

Porcupuine. I'm stuck on you.

Wolf - Wolf you marry me?

Trout - We'll be together trout eternity!

Turtle - You're turtley amazing.

Lynx - Let us lynx our lives together.

Bear - To be away from you is unbearable.

Squirrel - I'm going nuts for you!

Raven - Can't stop raven about you.

Turkey - I could just gobble you up!

Caribou - Where does one find a wedding ring for his deer? Why at the cariboutique, of course.

Deer - I love you deerly!

Goose - You give me goose bumps.

Sasquatch - Getting you to marry me was no small feat.

Also looking for some ideas for racoon, snake, and groundhogs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TonyMcConkey
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2014
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This dad got a police dispatcher good.

Dispatcher: Hello this is 911 what's your emergency?

Dad: Yeah hi, I was just walking through the woods and I found a suitcase in a bush and inside there's a fox and 4 cubs.

Dispatcher: Oh my god, that's horrible. Are they moving?

Dad: I don't know to be honest, but that would explain the suitcase.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmonkey86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2015
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My wife blames me for getting verbally abused when she went to an animal rights rally in bobington.

She must have thought I said 'wear the fox hat'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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Thanks to the following individuals for helping persuade me to become vegan ... (xpost /r/vegetarian)

Thanks to the following individuals for helping persuade me to become vegan:

Ron Acerous, Sal Amander, Herb Avore, Chic Adee, Al Bacore, Paul R Baer, Al Batros, Wally Bee, Lady Bugg, Jay Byrd, Ann Chovie, Anna Condra, Barry Cuda, Terry Dactyl, Ray N Deer, Flo N Der , Erma Dillo, Ann Enome, Terry Err, Liz Erd, Ann Fibian, Dale Finn, Redd Fox, Buddy Fly, Ken Garoo, Allie Gator, Billy Goat, Pan Guin, Ann Gus, Hal Ibut, Bob Katz, Tom Katz, Anne Kelosaurous, Don Key, Ann T. Lope, Moe Lusk, C. Lyon, Chip Monk, Flo Mingo, Sal Mon, Anna Mull, Barr Nicole, Kay Nine, Kyle Otee, Al Paca, Lia Pard, Millie Pede, Ellie Phant, Arthur Podd, Jack Rabbit, Gerry Raffe, Ty Ranaceourous, Mack Rell, Wally Rus, Jack Russel, Fez Sant, Dina Sauer, Drew Sophila, Chris Station, Hal Steen, Clyde Sudale, Ann Teeter, Pan Ther, Earl Thurfworm, Tara Ann Tula, Bea Tule, Ray Venn, Bea Ver, and Beau Vine.

I couldn't have done it without your support !!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheStupidVegNoob
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2016
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Waiting on line for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

A bit of a reverse-dad joke, my brother and dad were talking about the actors in the movie. My dad was lamenting Megan Fox being April, and said "I don't see how anyone could like that lizard face of hers."

My brother shrugged and calmly responded, "It gives some guys a boners, others get e-reptile dysfunction."

The guy on line behind us started laughing uncontrollably.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_depression
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
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See what you guys do to me?

So I was driving around with my friend who is addicted to that "What Does the Fox Say?" song (so annoying). I almost hit a squirrel which brought up conversation about hitting/almost hitting animals.

Him: "Yeah the other day I almost hit a fox coming home from work."

Me: "Oh really? What did it say?"

Him: "-__-"

I think I laughed at that joke to myself for a good five minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmatt1024
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
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Dad watched Michael J Fox

He watched the new Michael J Fox show, and called it "shaky." mom was pissed, I couldn't stop laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawaiicontiki
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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Dad Joked by a Thomas Jefferson Impersonator at Work Today

Would this be considered a dad joke or an 18/19th century dad joke? Either way, I just about walked out the building after reading this.

ME: Hi Tom,

Thank you for taking the time to speak with me today and if there is anything we can do in the future, please don't hesitate to ask.

I was hoping you would be able to leave a Yelp review for other potential clients to see. I know that we will not be working together anymore, but we would really appreciate the feedback.

Thomas Jefferson: Matt,

Happy to offer you an encomium, however, I know of no connection between hounds striking the line of scent on a fox and complimenting a business enterprise of the 21st century.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smashfield5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2016
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Catching a Fox

I showed my dad the picture from earlier this week of the fox frozen in the lake. This was his response:

"How do you catch a fox? I heard one good way is to walk up and say, 'Are you a model?'"

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2014
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