A man went to the doctorβs and told him, βI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.β
He said, βWow, thatβs the worst case of parking sonβs disease Iβve ever seen.β
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︎ Sep 17 2020
What do you call it when you feel like your hearing the same song over and over again
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Do you feel that r/puns should have a feature where someone posts an image and everyone tries to makes puns about it(the image) in the comment section?
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︎ Dec 06 2020
I feel the most confident telling chemistry jokes
Iβm in my element when I do
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︎ Dec 11 2020
How did the worm feel after getting cut in half?
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Iβm at school and I feel the urge to use the bathroom
Me: teacher can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: itβs may
Me: no itβs not, itβs December
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︎ Dec 01 2020
I feel like if my family and friends were selecting the epitaph for my tombstone they would go with "He meant well."
Especially if my last words were "Help! I fell in the wall!"
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︎ Nov 15 2020
Wife after the gym: "Ugh I can't feel my arms"
reaches out and touches her arm "Oh that's ok, I'll feel them for you!"
Anyways I'm divorced now.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Why did the plum feel so sad inside?
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︎ Oct 31 2020
As a single dad money can be tight. But even when Iβm on a date and I know Iβm not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.
And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I donβt have to pay for dinner.
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Feel the betrayal.
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︎ Aug 24 2020
Patient in hospital bed shouts to the doctor. Doctor Doctor I cant feel my legs!
I know that the doctor said; We have amputated your arms....
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I feel so bad for the floor..
Everyone just walks all over it
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︎ Sep 10 2020
I went to the doctor and said, I feel like a bucket
Doctor said, you do look a bit pale
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︎ Aug 25 2020
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
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︎ Sep 19 2020
I do really feel bad for the Class of 2020. People say your senior year flys..
I just didnβt realize it would Zoom..
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︎ Apr 24 2020
I had an appointment with two physicians. They told me, βthe more pain you experience, the better you will feel.β
What a strange pair-a-docs.
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︎ Jul 25 2020
How does the Avatar feel when he's made fun of?
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︎ Jul 23 2020
What do you say to someone who has been on the moon when you feel bad about something?
>You Apollo-gize
(From my son today, he has improved astronomically over the past few years.)
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︎ Aug 21 2020
I feel like I've regressed to an earlier age because of all the social distancing.
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︎ Aug 27 2020
Scientists have noticed that patients who have the cold feel better on Saturdays and Sundays.
Itβs the weekend immune system.
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︎ Jul 18 2020
After the surgery, my wife asked, "How do you feel?"
I replied, "With my nerves."
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︎ Aug 04 2020
The most expensive massage parlors make you feel the most energized
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︎ Jun 28 2020
How do you feel about the movie, "The Room?"
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Why did the virus feel uncomfortable when someone told a disease joke?
Because a little joke never hurt antibody.
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︎ Jun 24 2020
Why donβt vampires feel bad about the foul things they do?
Theyβre incapable of reflection.
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︎ Jun 02 2020
How did the macho bee with eczema feel?
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︎ Jun 01 2020
I don't think you can feel it through the phone.
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Why does the second Sunday in May always make Shaft feel guilty?
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︎ Apr 30 2020
Why does it feel so good to find the solution to addition problems?
The answer is always whole-sum
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︎ May 17 2020
I feel sorry for New Yorkers right now because of the high number of Corona infected people. Hopefully they're the last to get it. Unfortunate for China though
They got it right off the bat
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Feels like a Moray becoming a knight of the realm....
Day 57 of quarantine. We re doing fine so far, but this all feels like a Moray becoming a knight of the realm.
Pretty Sir Eel here.
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︎ Mar 26 2020
Even though my baby poops a lot, I feel like the life lessons heβs been teaching me are invaluable.
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︎ May 05 2020
Am I the only one who feels on edge about this?
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︎ Jun 04 2019
How did the dagger feel after exercising for the first time in a long while?
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︎ May 01 2020
Why did the big bird feel left out?
Because he was ostrich sized
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︎ Oct 18 2019
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like the first president.
Because Iβm Washing-a-ton
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︎ Feb 27 2020
If you ever feel like a single person can't change the world.
Then you've never eaten an undercooked bat before.
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︎ Mar 26 2020
In a way, I kind of feel bad for the corona virus.
At my age, I remember how deflating it was to spend hours and hours coming up with an email address or gamer tag that was both clever and fun, only to find out that 18 others had thought of it first
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︎ Apr 01 2020
I feel like I'm gonna choke a person one of these days by joking at the dinner table
And then get jailed for 12 months just for a man's laughter.
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︎ Feb 21 2020
How did Chris Hemsworth feel after he started working out for the new Avengers movie?
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︎ Mar 20 2020
I feel the knead...
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︎ Oct 18 2019
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. krabs?
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︎ Feb 13 2020
Can you feel the suspense?
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︎ Dec 15 2018
What do you say if the pebble in your sandal feels bad about itself?
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︎ Jan 07 2020
Every time someone leaves and tells me they're gonna go jump in the shower I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
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︎ Dec 11 2019
The Wife: "how do you feel?"
Me: "with my fingertips, what about you?"
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︎ Oct 04 2020
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