No <Body>
Through science.
His never gonna give you Up
It was our last resort...
Is not my strong suit.
Immanuel Kan't.
I asked the shopkeeper why and he said "That's Madeira cake"
I said "That's a hairy ass ass ass, ass!"
Then European.
They are "not c".
So naturally, I have been genetically gifted with the ability to run relatively slowly over very short distances.
Unless they teach science.
It was a freebie.
"I'm a really big heavy metal fan."
While I enjoyed it, I felt the trip had no Seoul.
I guess that's because it's in "Do not Disturb" mode.
"Yes", he said, "I'm all-white".
where it’s the end of May.
Welcome to /r/puns bestof 2020 nomination thread! A chance to win reddit premium.
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So my partner probably wants to stab me more than i think. Almost every time she ask is me to “put the kettle on” I respond “I can’t, it won’t fit” or if we’re shopping and I’m asked “do you need a bag” I point at her and say “it’s fine I brought my own” there are others, but they currently evade my 2am brain.
I feel I need some new ones to keep her on her toes and what better place than this sanctum of one liners (except for this post, for which I apologise).
-Oui
Everything, except one has 8 legs and the other is a grape.
Fireworks on the 4th of July
He left me with trusty shoes.
Amber Heard
...except the paperfish, which is supposed to be even more superior.
Alright so yesterday at dinner my mom and dad told me and my sister that they decided that we would indeed drive to Florida and stay there and rent a place for a few months. The home they picked out is in the same community as my grandparents, I am all happy about this except for the part where we have to drive 1000 miles over 15 hours of driving. So anyway after my sister and I ask some questions about the place he says “did you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet, but most have four”
Sir Prise
Cause they didn't feel like sharon!
It was a shih tzu.
We really dropped the ball on that one.
It was a worst case scenario.
I shit you not.
"Nothing wrong at all, I'm saving the breast for last!"
For context: we have a vegetable garden and a dog named Max
During dinner, my mom remarked how her stir fry was made almost entirely out of vegetables from our garden except the eggs, to which my dad said “well then we’ll just have to raise some chickens.”
I reply, “well what about Max?”, implying that he might attack the chickens.
And without hesitation my dad replies, “well he can’t lay eggs”
Except here, they’re in the freezer and buckshot is a side dish.
Except maybe the manure spreader
Except the ground.
They always made him put their carrion overhead.
A panda walks into a bar one day. He casually walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool.
The bartender thinks this is a bit odd, a panda walking into a bar isn’t something that normally happens to him.
He approaches the panda regardless and asks, “What can I get you?”
The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it and points to a cheeseburger.
The bartender is very impressed by this and so he decides to go ahead and make the cheeseburger for the panda.
The panda gets his cheeseburger, devours it, savoring every last bit. He then wipes its mouth with a napkin, impressing the bartender even more.
But then suddenly the panda pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the bar, except for the bartender.
The bartender stands there in total shock, soaked in blood, and can only ask the panda, “Why?”
The panda pulls a dictionary from his fur coat and turns to the bartender. He flips the book to the P section, places it on the bar, and points to his picture. Then he turns and walks out the door without looking back.
The bartender leans down and reads the entry next to Panda. It says…
“Panda: A wild animal that eats, shoots and leaves.”
The shop keeper said that's Madeira Cake
Fire works on the 4th of July
