I was diagnosed with Dunlaps Disease shortly after feasting my way through the holiday season...
Yep, my belly dunlaps over my belt.
A new disease is sweeping the world. It's a type of nostril infection, very costly to test for
But one man, born with extra sensitive smelling, has been providing free exams to the public to eradicate this new threat. Dr. Theodore Nose of UCH Hospital has a long line of patients waiting every morning, wanting the incredible accuracy of this man.
And as his secretary says...
No one's nose knows noses like Nose's nose knows noses.
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Have you heard about the disease you get from kissing birds ?
It's called Chirpies. It's a canarial disease. It's untweetable.
What happens, when a doctor catches a disease, that he already found the cure for?
He gets a taste of his own medicine.
I made a joke saying this Thanksgiving would be extra special because we'll be spreading around diseases like the original Thanksgiving. Someone told me "too soon".
They were right. I should have waited until next week.
What does the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases say when he stubs his toe?
What’s the coolest disease or condition one can die from?
Hypothermia! It’s the coolest way to go.
The new Nas album King’s Disease may not have been the GOAT
What is the most concerning thing about Lyme Disease?
New cases have lately been on an uptick.
Did you hear about the new disease caused by oregano?
What's the most common disease in HR departments?
Did you hear of the new disease going through France?
I've heard it was a Paris-ite
Why did the virus feel uncomfortable when someone told a disease joke?
Because a little joke never hurt antibody.
What's the worst combination of two diseases?
Alzheimer's and Diarrhoea .
You're running but you don't know where .
You might be worried about overeating while you’re quarantined, but it’s better than risking the spread of disease. So don’t worry...
It will be worth the weight.
Have you heard of the disease that causes horns, spots, and hooves?
Scientists and doctors agree it's caused by a mootation
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.
It's called Parking Son's disease.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.
What is the leading cause of liver disease in Canada?
What's the only disease worse than the Corona virus?
The National Center for Disease Control just downgraded the coronavirus.
They say it’s a corona lite virus now.
Did you hear about the new disease spreading amongst the juggalos?
Doctors advise you steer clear of Whoop Whooping Cough
Have you heard about the disease named after a baseball skill?
Did you hear about the dairy farm with mad cow disease?
What will the world be like when mad cow disease finally takes over?
A man is at a doctor's appointment and the Doctor returns and tells the man "I'm sorry, sir, but you've contracted a disease that has erased all memories of 80's music from your mind."
The man looks shocked and asks "Oh no! What's the Cure?"
The Amish have an auto-immune disease.
What do you call a disease you caught at the airport?
Scientists still don't know what started the mad cow disease
In fact they're still looking for the cows
Two cows standing in a field, one says to the other "you worried about that mad cow disease?"
The other cow says "no I'm a penguin"
The doctor diagnosed me with a very rare disease.
Apparently, my male offspring won't be able to drive but would rather stop the car whenever he sees an empty space.
I've got parking son disease.
What's the most common disease amongst wizards and witches?
Doctor:Okay apart from your painful disease, can you tell me something else? Like, the last meal you had?
I went fishing yesterday and heard on the news that the fish in the location carry a disease
I sure hope i dont catch it
What kind of disease do academics in the 1850s get?
What did the arts and crafts store offer to people with celiac disease?
What is the most common disease that chefs get?
Hear about the disease that wiped out the shellfish beds?
Did you hear about the YouTube video discussing the new disease?
What's the worst disease you can get at a pizza place?
What kind of disease did the ghost catch??
When I reach home, my youngest son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it while making car sounds. His cute antics always make me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease.
It is called Parking Son's disease.
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