The Dip Puns

So I replied, "K, so?"

Now is glockamole.

I don't care, I'll eat it anyway tomorrow on my toast for breakfast at ate a glock in the morning.

Double dipping

Guacamowgli

I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus

He was a hommussexual

Mom: >Lows are supposed to be freezing to below freezing Wednesday through Sunday.

Dad: >What about Home Depot?

Yea, it was pretty nuts.

She must be in-Seine!

...it was pretty nuts.

Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.

Lifeguard: What ya got there?

Me: Hummus

It's pretty nuts.

It's pretty nuts

"Hey, barkeep!" he says, struggling to keep control of his quarry. "Any room for me and my friends?"

The bartender smiles and sets down some plastic cups. The man plops his friends inside, but the cups are too small.

"Um...barkeep?" the man says, pulling them out again. The bartender reaches for some larger mugs, but as he places them next to the cups, it becomes obvious that even these will be too small for the pigs.

Seeing the man struggle to continue holding them, the bartender runs to the kitchen for help.

A cook emerges, holding several large measuring cups. "Sorry, I just used these to make a batch of cheese dip, but they're all yours!"

The man carefully plops each pig into its respective gooey yellow cup.

Arms exhausted, breathing heavily, he drops into a stool at the end of the bar, between his tiny friends and a beautiful girl.

He glances her way, gasping coyly. "Hey...I'm...Tom."

She smiles, having watched the whole ordeal. "Hi Tom, I'm Liz. And if you don't mind me asking..." she laughs, looking over his shoulder, "what was that all about?"

He glances back at the bar. "Yeah...sorry," he pants. "I wanted...to impress you, but...it turned out to be...a pretty cheesy...pig-cup line."

One's a lucky dip and the other is a ducky lip

The parts he dips in Olive Oyl.

Nothing, he just took the nugget and dipped.

A Canadian man and a Mexican man were sitting down eating some Mexican cuisine. Fajitas, tacos, burritos, and tortilla chips with queso.

The Canadian man goes to dip his chips into the queso when he notices it's all gone.

C: Dude, you ate all of the cheese!

M: K.....So?

Host dips her chip into a bowl of taco dip, breaks chip, new person arrives at the front door, host gives up and walks away with chip stuck in dip.

Person next to me: "Wow, she just left it in there."

Me: "Yeah, she abandoned chip..."

Wife just groans and walks away.

I was just taking a dip in the sea

A friend called as I was walking out the door this morning and said she found out yesterday afternoon that she has breast cancer. She knows when I leave and timed it that way because she couldn't handle a long conversation. Bread dipped in Karo is her big comfort food, so I am wanting to pick some up with a loaf of bread and leave it along with a note by her door. I want the note to be happy/upbeat and figured what's better than a one line pun. Problem is, I am stuck. (see what I did there?)

My pregnant wife and I are on vacation and we just took a dip in the pool. She remarked at the relief she felt as the weight of the baby was lifted when she got in the water. I told her, “Now I know what we’re having, that’s boy-ancy!”

I'll call it 'Just The Dip'

(I'm pretty sure this hasn't been made)

Waitress: What would you like?

Me: I will have the French Dip. And can I get lots of that meat juice on the side? What is it called again?

Waitress: A jus.

Me: Gesundheit!

I tipped her well...

So my sisters boyfriend is grating cheese for a super bowl dip. He looks up and says, "I'm the gratest."

Wondering how to cross it. He asks a frog nearby, "how deep is the brook?"

The frog replies, "knee-dip, knee-dip"

For some time many of us have wondered, just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'

Well, thanks to my personal genealogy research efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.

Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.

After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.

The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.

He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,

Crock O. Schitt

Grandmother: This dip is made mostly from horseradish and sour cream

Dad: Mmm, you can really taste the horse!

My fiancee knocked on to the floor at a friends house, a single slice cake we had got from Smith's; comes packaged in a small, square plastic container, and was still in the container when it hit the carpet. I still proceeded to give her a hard time saying she did it on purpose, etc. As she reached over to pick it up she accidentally dipped her shirt on to the top of a caramel covered brownie she was eating. She sat back up and noticed the caramel circle covering the nipple of her shirt, and without second thought cries, "Aww man, caramel's a bitch."

I was talking to my wife and she was telling me how her and my daughter were enjoying bean dip earlier in the day.

Wife: We were just sitting down, watching Peewee Herman, eating bean dip and having quiet time.

Me: You were watching Peewee Herman eat bean dip today?

It took her a while before she looked down and sighed, realizing what a mistake she made in marrying me.

So at a dance concert yesterday and they were doing a raffle. I bought 5 tickets and my sister across the table wrote my name on them. As she was passing them across to me, one feel in the dip on the table. Dad looks over and says "guess you got the lucky dip". Just terrible father.

...and we're all standing there watching the sun dip into the ocean when my Dad says "I can't see it--the sun's in my eyes."

I think we were the only ones who laughed.

Just a few minutes ago me and my parents were sitting at a restraunt and we got some chips and cheese. I dipped a chip and got to much cheese on my chip. My dad was getting some cheese on his chip while I was trying to get some cheese back in the bowl. I then told my dad to watch his fingers. He looked at his fingers on his other hand and said "well they're not doing anything interesting." I giggled to myself until cheese feel of my chip onto the table.

Pretty nuts am I right

Pretty nuts

Pretty nuts!

Pretty nuts

Pretty Nuts.

Pretty nuts

Pretty nuts...

It’s pretty nuts.

It's pretty nuts