"Suzie was so thrilled to have me around, that every time a mail or delivery person came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
In short his practice is shrinking.
I seem to have fallen on hard Times.
Yes, I'm Canterburied.
Me: "Man, I am exhausted, I busted my ass today."
Dad: "I can tell, there's a crack in it."
As concerned staff gathered round I asked her what was wrong and she said: "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you work with.”
It was kind of boar-ing.
She said "Ruff"
Didn’t make sense as I was clearly lollygagging.
Just a little axe dent.
I said, you know, typically people run with all of their legs, not just the niece.
Hans is literally the wurst.
But my Croissant wasn't too pleased..
Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.
The wife said, but dear, that'll be pasta time to eat it.
There was a lot of small talk and chit-chat.
I discovered that the Titanic is not a good icebreaker
At least I think that's what the angry guy at the urinal beside me said.
I've lost 6 days.
I might get fired, but it's a whisk i'm willing to take.
All because they're miners.
I guess she just wanted me to have sweet dreams.
It was suffering from low self esteem, which started as a hatchling as it was considerably smaller than the other chicks. It’s schoolmates were not kind, either. They would point out it’s skinny legs. They would make fun of it for getting scared easily. But most damagingly, and this was no fault of its own (for this chicken lived in the UK at a time when agricultural regulations were of a less than ideal standard), they made fun of his manboobs. For years the chicken wallowed in its own misery, only able to get little morsels of satisfaction by reading jokes on reddit, until one day it decided that it had had enough of the reposts. He would go to the gym, sign up, pay the membership fee, and… work on his pecks.
She said, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That came out of nowhere.”
I said, “Did it come out of nowhere? Or did it come out of your nose?”
My applause was the exasperated groans of everyone I work with.
Today was ruff
As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"
He had too much Thyme on his hands
letter ripped.
I’ve lost Ctrl.
My coworker mentioned he needed to get a quote for 400 mice(Computer mice).
Coworker: "I need to get a quote for these mice."
Me: "I can give you a quote for those mice."
Coworker: "Yeah?"
Me: "Squeak Squeak."
Coworker: *Sigh*
The outside of the box said 2-4 years.
Yea, I was out back taking a break and at least 50 crows flew by, maybe 100.
A ten foot exhaust pipe fell and cut his head open, requiring 10 stitches. I saw him in HR after he got patched up. Me: "Hey buddy, you ok? You look exhausted." Him: "Nah, I'm not tired at all, ready to go back to work." The joke went right over his head. Twas the second thing to do so that day.
So the organizers contacted the elves and started communicating their rights to them.
At first, union outreach seemed to be going well. But then the process ran aground.
The elves delivering the presents had some contact with the outside world, so they understood they were getting a bad deal and wanted to go on strike.
And even the factory elves were sympathetic, because they'd seen their coworkers be punished for getting injured.
But, as one organizer mourned,
"It's the little folks slaving away in the back of the warehouse who don't understand. They're loyal to the big man, because he keeps them so isolated."
All in all, it was a bad case of stock gnome syndrome.
u
Roll on Monday!
So I'm moving off a job that has a 4x10 setup and I was doing some reading into the 4-day work week. It turns out we had a President in the late 1800s who was a huge proponent of this idea. His dream for the American public was that we'd work Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and then be able to use Saturday, Sunday, and Monday to spend time with our family, work on our houses, and such.
Unfortunately, he was assassinated before this plan could be seen to fruition but it really became his legacy.
There's nothing President Garfield hated more than Mondays.
It was orc ward !!
He forgot to curry the one.
Audios
"I guess that means all the Millennial Falcons are gone."
That would be a Pippa violation.
All day long I'll work the forgery.
“He replied, "Of course! Take the afternoon off." When I returned to work the next day, he came to my desk, smiled and asked, "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?" I shrugged, "I don't know..."
"I'll tell you in nine months!"
He's retired now.
He loved the company.
As my co-workers gather round, she sobbed loudly "Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?!"
