The Commitments Puns

A list of puns related to "The Commitments"

What happened when the leader of Russia committed a crime?

He got Putin jail

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/apeskoot
📅︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

👍︎ 23
💬︎
👤︎ u/qarasaq
📅︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The author of Webster's dictionary committed suicide with the book he wrote.

At least he died on his own terms.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/BinaryPeach
📅︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
If you commit 90 sins, you will get caught about half the time.

Because sin90 = cot45

👍︎ 12k
💬︎
👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the math book commit suicide?

Because he had a lot of problems.

👍︎ 90
💬︎
👤︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
📅︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the french chef committed suicide??

He lost his huile d'olive

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/yuri-123
📅︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
In response to the American coin shortage, Canada has committed to providing the U.S. aid

They give us Nickelback

👍︎ 35
💬︎
👤︎ u/SquireX
📅︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Italian who committed identity theft?

Police say he was an impasta

👍︎ 8
💬︎
👤︎ u/Yaboibaka
📅︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a dream where I was a wharf accused by the state of committing a crime...

I had a right to trial with a jury of my piers.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the train conductor commit a crazy crime?

Because he had a Loco-motive

👍︎ 14
💬︎
👤︎ u/MJRichter
📅︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What crime did the forest commit?

Treeson

👍︎ 84
💬︎
👤︎ u/knittingmonster
📅︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I committed Seppuku once. I don't think I have the guts to do it again.

Seppuku is the suicidal act of stabbing yourself in the stomach.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
👤︎ u/JaredLiwet
📅︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the string of bank robberies committed by a guy dressed up like Jesus?

The cops finally nailed him.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the car commit murder

Automotives

👍︎ 16
💬︎
👤︎ u/caaaaaaaarrrrl
📅︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did police believe a duck had committed the robbery?

Because he fit the bill of the one they were looking for.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/TheMightyBattleSquid
📅︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the fish say before commiting murder?

I'm gonna GILL you!

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/RCRadioCarbon
📅︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The court committed me to the psych ward today.

They were judgmental

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/boogerknows
📅︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why no one has ever been sentenced for crimes committed on the moon?

Because it's a gray area

👍︎ 30
💬︎
👤︎ u/Erikjb12
📅︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the tree commit suicide?

It pulled the twigger.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/w00tah
📅︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the chain of terrorist attacks committed by angry bankers?

Police thought the attacks were linked but later found that they were a bunch of loan wolves.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/Nick30075
📅︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the worst crime to commit in arbor society?

Treeson

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/TheKingOfFault
📅︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A midget with the ability to talk to ghosts committed a crime but was not caught yet.

We are looking for a small medium at large.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/JazzPhobic
📅︎ Aug 15 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the fish commit fraud?

A pondsy scheme.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/ThatGuySolace
📅︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me if she ever had Alzheimer’s she’d commit suicide to save me the burden.

I told her that’s the sixth time she’s said that today.

👍︎ 25
💬︎
👤︎ u/Sc00tzy
📅︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
How did the police know that Will Smith committed the robbery?

Because they found some Fresh Prints.

👍︎ 10
💬︎
👤︎ u/Mohawk_Mike
📅︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
This guy is committed to the joke imgur.com/aUTswae
👍︎ 4k
💬︎
👤︎ u/occasionawsme
📅︎ Oct 05 2013
🚨︎ report
Why did the dolphin commit suicide?

His life had no porpoise.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/SerSkywell
📅︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
4 prisoners are telling each other what they were convicted for

The First man says: I committed 2nd degree murder

The Second says: I committed: 1st degree assault

The Third says: I committed 1st degree possession of drugs

The Fourth man simply says: Arson

The Second man asks him: What degree was it?

The Fourth man responds: I'm not sure, it was pretty hot though. About 525 Celsius-ish

👍︎ 22
💬︎
👤︎ u/InsectNation1
📅︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What crime did a test commit?

It didn't commit a crime, the teacher just told me to turn it in.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/Chonqme
📅︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the drum player commit suicide after being charged with homicide?

He couldn't handle the repercussions.

👍︎ 7
💬︎
👤︎ u/GoldenYLP
📅︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the chicken commit a crime?

Because he was egged on.

👍︎ 90
💬︎
👤︎ u/throwaway555555543
📅︎ Mar 28 2016
🚨︎ report
What crime did the tree commit?

He committed treeson

👍︎ 16
💬︎
👤︎ u/SquawkMcQuawk
📅︎ Jul 23 2017
🚨︎ report
A man was giggling in a police car on the way to the station. What crime did he commit?

Manslaughter.

👍︎ 17
💬︎
👤︎ u/I_love_420
📅︎ Oct 12 2016
🚨︎ report
if i killed the pope, would i have committed a cardinal sin?
👍︎ 71
💬︎
👤︎ u/zse4rffb
📅︎ Jan 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Which of the presidents never committed any crimes?

Lincoln, because he is in-a-cent.

👍︎ 11
💬︎
👤︎ u/UnglazedDonuts
📅︎ Feb 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about why the train conductor committed murder?

It was a loco motive.

👍︎ 13
💬︎
👤︎ u/TxAzure
📅︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
Mimes kidnapped me recently

They committed unspeakable crimes.

When I told the story to the detective, he has speechless.

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/Asadleafsfan
📅︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Can someone help me with a joke?

I think I have something here, just need a little help with the ending. This is what I have so far.

In the interrogation room, Joe Ga pleaded with police to let him go. He explained the man they are really after is Joe Ka, who has been systematically committing crimes and calling out his own name in the process knowing how similar they sound.

"This is all just a setup, the real Joe Ka is..."

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/VeryOriginalName98
📅︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
After Cain committed the first murder....

His whole family was dis-Abled.

👍︎ 14
💬︎
👤︎ u/t-rexatron
📅︎ Jul 31 2016
🚨︎ report
Mathematically, if you commit 90 sins, you only get caught half the time.

sin 90 = cot 45

👍︎ 235
💬︎
👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the French chef who committed suicide?

Apparently he'd just completely lost the huile d'olive.

👍︎ 336
💬︎
👤︎ u/GargoyleToes
📅︎ Oct 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the dolphin commit suicide?

He had no porpoise in life...

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/LoneWolfWi13
📅︎ Aug 27 2017
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.