What is the worst combination of two sicknesses?
  • Diarrhea and Alzheimer. You’re running, but you don’t know where.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theredditman111
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I COULD tell you a top secret combination of words which result in the instant death of anyone hearing or reading them..

But then I'd have to kill you.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bermobaron
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the worst combination of illnesses?

Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running, but can’t remember where.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuitenantElo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
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What's the worst combination of two diseases?

Alzheimer's and Diarrhoea . You're running but you don't know where .

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uglyric
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
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Sand is a combination of the words sea and land, as it is where they meet. You could say it is their ship name.

Courtesy of my friend who took more than the average amount of antidepressants

πŸ‘︎ 245
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Llamaz
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What's the combination of Finland and France?

Finance

I work in a retail store with credit card financing signs all over the place. It was slow and boring, so I fixated on said word.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seekerman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2018
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Since the combination to a combination lock matters, shouldn't it be called a permutation lock?
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zoplik90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2016
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Saw this on the way to work. Perfect combination of bumper stickers imgur.com/6FwvVh5
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheKremlinGremlin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
🚨︎ report
This year's Fibonacci Convention was a great success.

It was as big as the last two combined!

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdb12345
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I’d tell you a Fibonacci joke, but’s it’s probably as bad as the last two you’ve heard combined
πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nh-278
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Broadway has a new show that combines magic with the tunes of a 70’s Swedish Pop Band

It’s called ABBA-Cadabra.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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A French guy started a charitable foundation that symbolizes the coexistence between faiths; combining "Red Cross" and "Red Crescent". What did he call it?

Red Croissant

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally managed to genetically combine the number 6 with the letter S.

My experiment was a complete six-s!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KubosKube
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Every piece is as delicious as the previous two combined.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Not sure if this fits here, is funny or has the sciencing right, but here goes... What do you get if you combine Uranium-235 and potatoes?

Fission chips.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fionfeegle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Star wars celebrity names

Apologies if this breaks the rules however. My friends and I are making up names of star wars characters combined with celebrity names. So far we've come up with Darth spader, sith rogan, and obi wan kobe.

Any others we cant think of?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ogzombiela
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
This fibonocci joke will really make you groan.

It's as bad as the last two jokes you heard Combined.

(My son just told me this one πŸ’ͺ)

E: I misspelled "Fibonacci" in title🀦

πŸ‘︎ 260
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jedimasterdiesel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the scientist feel after he failed to combine Lassie and a watermelon?

Melancholy.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
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Some people don’t like all the attention that occurs when you combine the spellings of 3 with 5 to create both a fake word/number.

But personally, I thrive on it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadynasty15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
People with birthdays falling on Christmas shouldn't mind that gifts are combined for the holiday...

Jesus sure didn't

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Butt encouragement puns!

Hey guys! I need combinations of words for ass and words that mean something in the realm of β€œmaking someone happy”

Context: a friend of mine and I send each other selfies on the toilet and she’s having a shitty day (hah) so I bent over the toilet and stuck my ass in the air and took a picture like my ass was taking a selfie and now I need something punny yet encouraging to say

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HyenaKing
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the new math book regarding combining infinities?

It's a new addition.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/britamordio
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the act of combining two negative things?

Confusion

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chewygum93
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy that wrote the play Hamilton. Should combine Hamlet and Hamilton into a new play called Hamleton.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lucidus_somniorum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2017
🚨︎ report
The U.S. and Canada are combining their space programs to send another spacecraft to the moon

Their calling the ship The Apollo-G!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ggaarrrreett
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
🚨︎ report
This Sacramento comedy show is basically a pun-themed rap battle

A few years ago, we started a show that I quite frankly never thought would work.

Nearly four years later, including two sold out appearances at San Francisco Sketchfest and a local TV featurette, our show "Capitol PUNishment" is now streaming on Twitch Friday night at 8:30pm PST.

I hope it's ok to post this in here. If not, feel free to remove with no hard feelings. Just encouraging pun lovers to check out what is best described as "a fast-paced, in-the-moment spectacle that combines everything you love about gameshows, rap-battles, and "dad" jokes, into a unique and hilarious competitive format."

Our channel is twitch.tv/capitolpuns
Here's a little video to help paint the picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2RE9PgmfXo

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/capitolpuns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
(UK) A B-road walks into a bar.

The B-road starts bragging extensively about his status as a B-road. The bar staff and patrons aren't impressed.

Then, an A-road struts in. The A-road immediately starts criticising the B-road, whilst also bragging about his own status. The two get into a big argument, and the patrons are starting to get riled up.

Then, a motorway barges his way into the bar, and starts boasting that he is better than the A-road and B-road combined. The argument escalates, and some customers grab their belongings, preparing to leave.

And then, a solid white line walks into the bar.

The whole bar falls silent. The argument stops dead in its tracks, and the three roads immediately disperse, avoiding eye contact with the new customer.

The solid white line goes up to the bar, orders a drink, and consumes it slowly. The bar is still silent. As soon as he is finished, the solid white line turns and leaves the bar without a word. The three roads breathe a sigh of relief.

The barman is astounded. "What the hell was that about?!" he exclaims.

"We don't mess with him" mutters the motorway.

"Why not?"

"He's a cycle path".

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How does an ant put on a tie?

With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Last night I saw a number plate of a truck 'LGTB'

I thought the combination ain't that straight.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/griefcase69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I went over to my friend Micks house

I knocked on the door and his wife answered. She told me that Mick was in the barn so I went around back to find him.

I opened the door to the barn and to my complete horror, Mick was pole dancing in a leotard on a combine harvestor

Me: What the hell are you doing??

Mick: Well, you know how my wife and I have been having marriage problems. We went to go see a counselor and he said to put some spice back in the relationship i had to do something sexy to a tractor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FearThePeople23
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Former US Vice President Al Gore is known for having invented the internet ...

Not many people know that he's also a pioneer in Artificial Intelligence and music. In fact, he's just published a new paper detailing a theory that combines his research in both fields.

He calls his theory the "Al-Gore-rhythm".

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toe-haver
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I messed up while playing cards and played a single J instead of waiting to play a 9 10 J.

I wasn’t thinking straight.

(Explanation) In cards a string of numbers in a row is called a β€œstraight” and so by not thinking straight, I am both being confused and making poor decisions, and am also not thinking about the card combination of the same name.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Son_of_Carr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Christmas/Pirate Puns Request

I know this isn’t entirely relevant to the subreddit, but I’m not sure where else to ask. Can someone think of a pun to combine Christmas and Pirates, ideally one that could be used as a team name?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FakeSalsa
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Everyone raves about diversity...

But white people are all the colors combined.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gamingpron0t
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Genetic Engineering...

Did you see the headline that Genetic Engineers are experimenting with odd combinations of animals in order to come up with new species? This article was talking about people trying to combine a bull with a possum.
While the scientific community is responding with skepticism, I think it's a possum-bull.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/natebraun1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
This Fibonacci joke is worse than the last two you heard combined.
πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drCrankoPhone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
This Fibonacci dad-joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined.
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/prepostdane
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2018
🚨︎ report
This is a Fibonacci joke.

Its worse than the last two jokes you heard, combined.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I know a good Fibonacci joke.

It’s as good as the last two jokes you’ve heard combined.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/soomloo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Up until today, I only knew two jokes about the Fibonacci sequence. Then, today, I heard a new one.

It made me laugh as hard as the other two combined.

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jawn317
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report

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