The clerk at the hardware store asked me how long I wanted my lumber
I told him I was planning on keeping it
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. βThatβs one too many!β says the customer.
The clerk replies βItβs a freebieβ
π︎ 23k
π
︎ Mar 11 2020
I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...
so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
Clerk at the DMV: Do you want to be an organ donor?
Me, every single time without fail: Sure, but not right now. Iβve got stuff to do today.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment heβs been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. β13?β, the scientist asks, βI wanted a dozen!β
The lab clerk says βI thought you wanted a beakers dozen!β
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
I checked into a motel and the clerk told me I had the second room on the second floor. He picked up the key to hand to me, but hesitated and took it back.
I said, βWell? 2B or not 2B?β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
When I went to the county courthouse to pay my fines with a bag full of dimes, the clerk wasn't very happy...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
Pizza clerk: We have a special today - buy one pizza, get the second one free
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !
π︎ 55
π
︎ Dec 22 2019
Did you hear about the scientists who discovered there are bank clerks on the moon?
They saw them through their teller-scopes.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
Why did the grocery store clerk get fired?
He took a leek in the produce section!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 24 2020
When the clerk says "sorry about your wait", I reply,
"I am too, but it's ok, I've been fat my whole life"
π︎ 397
π
︎ Feb 20 2019
Went to the local deli and ordered 1 lb of Swiss. The clerk gave me 3.5 lb instead.
I guess he went ham on that Swiss.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 16 2019
The clerk at the grocery store asked if I wanted my milk in a bag.
I told him he could just leave it in the carton.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 29 2019
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Nov 14 2019
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
π︎ 66
π
︎ Dec 29 2018
I walked into a bookstore the other day and asked the clerk if they had any books on turtles.
Worker: "Hard back?"
Me: "Yeah, with little heads."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 14 2019
I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...
She told me βDad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.β Iβm so proud!
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 21 2019
I bought a new rear tire for my motorcycle today. As the clerk handed it to me, I looked him in the eye and said "guess I can retire now"
π︎ 37
π
︎ Jun 09 2018
I stopped by the ammo store before going hunting. The clerk told me about their 2 for 1 sale.
βMore bang for your buck.β
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 11 2018
A drunk guest returns to his hotel and says to the clerk "Hi. I've forgotten what room I'm in."
Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"
π︎ 81
π
︎ Nov 06 2018
What did the carwash clerk say to the robber
Don't rob me I can give you a clean getaway
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 30 2019
Why did the Hotel Clerk feel uncomfortable at work?
It was a hostel work environment.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 07 2018
What did the Bhuddist say to the Hotel Clerk when asked if he was checking out of his room?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 14 2018
Like the tired stock clerk at the art-supply store said:
"I just can't palate another pallet of palettes."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 09 2017
Why did the happy Office Clerk have really smooth nails?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 11 2018
So my friend and I visit a vegetable shop. The clerk says "You want to buy anything?"
I said "Lettuce see the selection, please"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 04 2018
A shopper walked into the Wegmans and asked where they could find the raisins. The clerk said:
βwhere the grapes used to be.β
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 25 2018
I bought something for $4.50 and gave the store clerk a five. Instead of giving me back two quarters he ripped a dollar in half and handed it to me.
There was no cents to that.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jul 27 2017
Got the gas station clerk today
I put my goods on the counter and he rings them up. He proceeds to tell me that the total is seven eleven ($7.11). I look at him sternly and reply, "no, this is Chevron". He wasn't nearly as amused as I was.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 22 2015
Working the polls and the judge was talking to a clerk.
(They are both older guys the clerk was talking about his hair going away)
The judge said "Your hair is looking a little wavy... one side is waving goodbye to the other"
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 09 2015
I dad joked the deli clerk
#1 deli clerk asked #2 deli clerk if the gelato my wife was eating was on the receipt, I looked at her and said " I don't think it was a gelato, it was just a gelittle"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 08 2014
Made the (young) grocery store clerk smile awkwardly while the guy behind me cracked up.
I was buying cake and candles for my wife's 29th birthday yesterday. The clerk scanned the cake and the "2" and "9" candles and said, "Oh, someone's having a birthday, huh?"
"Yup, it's my wife's birthday today," I replied. "It's amazing, really. She's already 92, yet she doesn't look a day over 90."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 21 2014
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.