The clerk at the hardware store asked me how long I wanted my lumber
I told him I was planning on keeping it
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. “That’s one too many!” says the customer.
The clerk replies “It’s a freebie”
I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...
so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."
Clerk at the DMV: Do you want to be an organ donor?
Me, every single time without fail: Sure, but not right now. I’ve got stuff to do today.
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. “13?”, the scientist asks, “I wanted a dozen!”
The lab clerk says “I thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”
I checked into a motel and the clerk told me I had the second room on the second floor. He picked up the key to hand to me, but hesitated and took it back.
I said, “Well? 2B or not 2B?”
When I went to the county courthouse to pay my fines with a bag full of dimes, the clerk wasn't very happy...
Pizza clerk: We have a special today - buy one pizza, get the second one free
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !
Did you hear about the scientists who discovered there are bank clerks on the moon?
They saw them through their teller-scopes.
Why did the grocery store clerk get fired?
He took a leek in the produce section!
When the clerk says "sorry about your wait", I reply,
"I am too, but it's ok, I've been fat my whole life"
Went to the local deli and ordered 1 lb of Swiss. The clerk gave me 3.5 lb instead.
I guess he went ham on that Swiss.
The clerk at the grocery store asked if I wanted my milk in a bag.
I told him he could just leave it in the carton.
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
I walked into a bookstore the other day and asked the clerk if they had any books on turtles.
Worker: "Hard back?"
Me: "Yeah, with little heads."
I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...
She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!
I bought a new rear tire for my motorcycle today. As the clerk handed it to me, I looked him in the eye and said "guess I can retire now"
I stopped by the ammo store before going hunting. The clerk told me about their 2 for 1 sale.
“More bang for your buck.”
A drunk guest returns to his hotel and says to the clerk "Hi. I've forgotten what room I'm in."
Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"
What did the carwash clerk say to the robber
Don't rob me I can give you a clean getaway
Why did the Hotel Clerk feel uncomfortable at work?
It was a hostel work environment.
What did the Bhuddist say to the Hotel Clerk when asked if he was checking out of his room?
Like the tired stock clerk at the art-supply store said:
"I just can't palate another pallet of palettes."
Why did the happy Office Clerk have really smooth nails?
So my friend and I visit a vegetable shop. The clerk says "You want to buy anything?"
I said "Lettuce see the selection, please"
A shopper walked into the Wegmans and asked where they could find the raisins. The clerk said:
“where the grapes used to be.”
I bought something for $4.50 and gave the store clerk a five. Instead of giving me back two quarters he ripped a dollar in half and handed it to me.
There was no cents to that.
Got the gas station clerk today
I put my goods on the counter and he rings them up. He proceeds to tell me that the total is seven eleven ($7.11). I look at him sternly and reply, "no, this is Chevron". He wasn't nearly as amused as I was.
Working the polls and the judge was talking to a clerk.
(They are both older guys the clerk was talking about his hair going away)
The judge said "Your hair is looking a little wavy... one side is waving goodbye to the other"
I dad joked the deli clerk
#1 deli clerk asked #2 deli clerk if the gelato my wife was eating was on the receipt, I looked at her and said " I don't think it was a gelato, it was just a gelittle"
Made the (young) grocery store clerk smile awkwardly while the guy behind me cracked up.
I was buying cake and candles for my wife's 29th birthday yesterday. The clerk scanned the cake and the "2" and "9" candles and said, "Oh, someone's having a birthday, huh?"
"Yup, it's my wife's birthday today," I replied. "It's amazing, really. She's already 92, yet she doesn't look a day over 90."
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