The clerk at the hardware store asked me how long I wanted my lumber

I told him I was planning on keeping it

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dood87
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
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I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"

I told him "baguette"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...

so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpep0469
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Clerk at the DMV: Do you want to be an organ donor?

Me, every single time without fail: Sure, but not right now. I’ve got stuff to do today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.

I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. β€œ13?”, the scientist asks, β€œI wanted a dozen!”

The lab clerk says β€œI thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErectAnarchy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I checked into a motel and the clerk told me I had the second room on the second floor. He picked up the key to hand to me, but hesitated and took it back.

I said, β€œWell? 2B or not 2B?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
When I went to the county courthouse to pay my fines with a bag full of dimes, the clerk wasn't very happy...

It was in tenths.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeskies307
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Pizza clerk: We have a special today - buy one pizza, get the second one free

Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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Did you hear about the scientists who discovered there are bank clerks on the moon?

They saw them through their teller-scopes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron2571
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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Why did the grocery store clerk get fired?

He took a leek in the produce section!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VNPimpinella
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
When the clerk says "sorry about your wait", I reply,

"I am too, but it's ok, I've been fat my whole life"

πŸ‘︎ 397
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoTonJoe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
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Went to the local deli and ordered 1 lb of Swiss. The clerk gave me 3.5 lb instead.

I guess he went ham on that Swiss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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The clerk at the grocery store asked if I wanted my milk in a bag.

I told him he could just leave it in the carton.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherfinger420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?

Because the clerk sold him shampoo.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikemikek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bookstore the other day and asked the clerk if they had any books on turtles.

Worker: "Hard back?"

Me: "Yeah, with little heads."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...

She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarynxm
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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I bought a new rear tire for my motorcycle today. As the clerk handed it to me, I looked him in the eye and said "guess I can retire now"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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I stopped by the ammo store before going hunting. The clerk told me about their 2 for 1 sale.

β€œMore bang for your buck.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoVeryKerry
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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A drunk guest returns to his hotel and says to the clerk "Hi. I've forgotten what room I'm in."

Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eccohawk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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What did the carwash clerk say to the robber

Don't rob me I can give you a clean getaway

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFluffyOverlord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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Why did the Hotel Clerk feel uncomfortable at work?

It was a hostel work environment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stereocup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
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What did the Bhuddist say to the Hotel Clerk when asked if he was checking out of his room?

"Namaste."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GameHeadAche
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Like the tired stock clerk at the art-supply store said:

"I just can't palate another pallet of palettes."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the happy Office Clerk have really smooth nails?

He loved Filing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DharyaXD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
🚨︎ report
So my friend and I visit a vegetable shop. The clerk says "You want to buy anything?"

I said "Lettuce see the selection, please"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_-Sponge-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
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A shopper walked into the Wegmans and asked where they could find the raisins. The clerk said:

β€œwhere the grapes used to be.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/carottina
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought something for $4.50 and gave the store clerk a five. Instead of giving me back two quarters he ripped a dollar in half and handed it to me.

There was no cents to that.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Got the gas station clerk today

I put my goods on the counter and he rings them up. He proceeds to tell me that the total is seven eleven ($7.11). I look at him sternly and reply, "no, this is Chevron". He wasn't nearly as amused as I was.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaliKingHockey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Working the polls and the judge was talking to a clerk.

(They are both older guys the clerk was talking about his hair going away)
The judge said "Your hair is looking a little wavy... one side is waving goodbye to the other"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeliefInAll
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
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I dad joked the deli clerk

#1 deli clerk asked #2 deli clerk if the gelato my wife was eating was on the receipt, I looked at her and said " I don't think it was a gelato, it was just a gelittle"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frogawie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Made the (young) grocery store clerk smile awkwardly while the guy behind me cracked up.

I was buying cake and candles for my wife's 29th birthday yesterday. The clerk scanned the cake and the "2" and "9" candles and said, "Oh, someone's having a birthday, huh?"

"Yup, it's my wife's birthday today," I replied. "It's amazing, really. She's already 92, yet she doesn't look a day over 90."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inane_Asylum
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2014
🚨︎ report

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