The Cellar Puns

John saw a tornado out the window of Frank’s house and said to Frank

“Jesus man! that’s an F5! We gotta get to cover Frank!”

Tornado rapidly approaches within 100 yards

John was looking for the cellar door and found 2 different ones

“For Fuck’s sake Frank which is the best cellar!?”

With the tornado bearing down on them, Frank sprang into action and grabbed the latest James Patterson novel.

Hasn’t made any of the best cellar lists.

He gets his drink. The bartender shouts, “the wolves are coming!” They go to the cellar. The bartender says it’s ok now. The guy sees his drink is gone. He gets another one. The bartender says it again. And he is getting suspicious. When the drink is gone again, he gets mad. He gets another one. The bartender says, “the wolves are coming!” The guy says he’s staying there. The bartender says,”you’like be sorry.” The guy says “yeah, right.” The wolves come in. They eat him. And theeeen they drink his drink.

I hope it makes the New York Times Best Cellars list.

My family and I were out for brunch at a somewhat fancy hotel restaurant. It was a buffet and they had set up the desserts in the wine cellar/room.

My dad, nearing the end of his meal, asks "Where's the dessert?"

I point and say, "In the wine cellar" but in between the cellar and me is my mom and it looks like I'm pointing to her.

Dad responds with, "Sell her? I still need her though."

I sat there a little awestruck since he's never really been one to utter puns. I crack them all the time but I guess every dad has dad jokes in them; they're just waiting for the right time.

I was showing my dad some pictures from my trip to Europe. He saw a picture of a rock covered with moss and said, "I'm lichen that!"

For Christmas dinner we were having ham. The plate of carved ham was between my dad and I. Someone asked where the plate went. My dad says,"We're hoggin' it."

There was a store in my home town called carols cedar cellar. It was damaged in a flood and they knocked the building down exposing the basement. We drive by and my dad says,"Now you can cedar cellar."

I have so much to learn.

The whine cellar

I asked my dad to keep my bike in the shed so when I go for rides it is easily accessible. He puts it in the shed. I cut my leg bringing it up from the cellar/crawl space.

Me: Dad, why did you put my bike in the cellar, I always fall up the stairs and its awkward bringing it out there. Dad: Why does it matter? Me: I always hurt myself and its hard bringing out of that shitty place! Dad: Well son, Life's like a penis. Sometimes its hard.

Gets me every time.

My dad is visiting the city I live next week and asked me for some recommendations. I said there is one bar that I really like that is very dimly lit and has stone walls, so I recommended it but said in a lack of being able to think of a better adjective, that it was kinda "cellar-y". He said thanks, but he prefers his bar experiences to be more carroty.