And not the brotocol?
It's paid fraternity leave.
Note: homeostasis is a scientific term for "equilibrium". Sorry if this went over your head 😁
denim denim denim
He really rocked his world!
DUDE-eronomy
But it's mostly his axe-scent.
...They´re calling the plan ninten-dough
Noice!
Cashier: "What kind of bagel would you like?"
Me: "Do you have an everything bagel?"
"No, we're out of everything."
"Then what am I supposed to eat?!"
They're the ones that look like alge-bros.
The bro-hive
They came in search of their adopted child. They ask the bartender, “Hey, have you seen a small boy wandering around town looking lost? Sandy hair, blue eyes? He wandered off while we were catching some waves.” The bartender thinks for a second, then shakes his head and says, “Nope, sorry bros. I just clocked in, but my coworker Fred is packing up now if you wanna check with him. He’s the one with the mustache by the door.” The couple walk over to the mustached man putting on a coat getting ready to leave, and inquire the same thing from him. Fred replies, “Now that you mention it, I think he came up to the counter a little while ago looking for you guys. I told him to come back in about 20 minutes when my shift ends so I can help him look around, but that was like half an hour ago. I’ve been waiting a little while, but I was just getting ready to leave.” Suddenly, the man points behind the surfer guys and exclaims, “Here comes the son, Dude and Dude 2!”
Anyone who makes a pun about iron should pay a periodic Fe, I would stop now but that'd be Nobel of me, HeHeHe. Be sure to take a deep breath before you say "NO". At this point you might thinking we should get Iridium of this guy in rl too. I'll eventually run out of chemical puns, right? Na, which might be your mood coincidentally. This guy must be a fake as Silicone, he got this from somewhere to which I reply, Si, senor! I Cu calling for the coppers, but any "Bro" of mine wouldn't. Don't worry, the best ones Argon by now. Au reading this! This winding list is surely golden by now, right?
As we close this out, allow me to echo your thoughts one last time, Fr y'all.
"F"In"Al"Y"
Friend 1 : hey what are the effects of alziemer diesease
Friend 2 : sorry bro I cant remember
Okay, so this is my first post, so be gentle there. It s more a funny thing my dad did to mess with us than a dad joke. Our parents explained it to us , so i don t have the dialogues here. When we were little, my brother and I of course asked my parents how do we make babies, because we wanted a little bro or sis and they did not wanted us to get one. So we asked them how babies are made. They explained to us that you need 3 things ; a mother's belly , dad's seeds and a little bit of love. That was cute, they said that daddy had to put his seeds in mummy 's belly with the love. When we asked how, they told us to guess -this is why we thought babies were made by the bellybutton, they did really had fun with us- and then, finally, we asked them why they would not make us a little brother then. My father, had this brilliant idea to mess with us, which we sometimes did not notice, as we were little. He basically told us with a huge smile accros his face :" You know what ? If you find the good seeds, we'll make you one". My mother laughed but we took it seriously. We have apparently searched for hours even going in the basement, searching in mom's gardening seeds, ripping of the labels and bringing them to the parents to ask if these were the good ones . We eventually got fed up, and never asked my parents to have a sibling again.
My brother pulled out some measuring tape, asked me to hold one end as he held the other end and walked towards the oven.
".... about 12 feet."
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 bro is basically a certified dad now
The Customer Said: Bro Sure.
He rings him on the 2nd day to ask him how the cat is and is told it's dead. The man tells his brother, "You should've done it in stages. I'm not back for a week, you could've said the cat was on the roof and won't come down. Then maybe it's went up a tree right up to the top. Then the next day that it looks ill or something..... Eventually you could tell me when I'm back. Anyway, how's our mother doing?"
His brother says:
"She's on the roof, bro"
On Oct. 29, 2019, the world lost a legend. Esteemed actor and comedian, John "Pops" Witherspoon, passed away at the age of 77. After making his acting debut on The Richard Pryor Show in 1977, Witherspoon starred in cultural classics like Good Times, House Party, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, Bebe's Kids, Boomerang, Soul Plane, I Got the Hook-Up, The Wayans Bros, all three of the revered Friday movies and many more. https://4ormypeople.com/mood/2019/10/30/rip-john-pops-witherspoon
I was at the mall the other day and saw this gentleman sitting outside a store with a stack of flyers. He asked another me as I walked by, “Excuse me sir, would you like a flyer?” I looked down and replied, “Yea bro, sure.”
Bro: A bike's the only thing you can drive without a license.
Dad: That's not true. What about a hard bargain?
I run a DnD game and am very bad at puns. Like all good writers, though, I thought of a character name that made me laugh and have decided to build a personality around it.
Basically he's a surfer bro nazi. Militantly chill. He's a villain in the game but will hopefully read as still kinda tempting to party with. The only thing I've been able to come up with that has any promise whatsoever is "Third Reichteous."
Thank you, reddit angels
He comes home from the doc and we all have heard by this point but nobody says anything. He asks my bros and I to meet him in the back room. With a sigh he says "I think we need to address the elephant in the room." He then pulled out a small glass elephant from his pocket and said "okay, here it is."
As we were planning the post-funeral reception, my little bro asked “is there a sad food?”
I said, “Breakfast..... because you eat it in the mourning”
Ps my wife is pregnant with my first child!
Bro: I know the best knock knock joke! you start it!
me: ...knock knock?
bro: who's there?
me: ......
he just kept staring at me with an excited look, then we both burst out laughing.
Bro: "/u/le90skid's a lesbian!"
My sister: "Wow... We just learned your gender and sexualitly in one go... That's a lot to take in."
Dad: "It's nothing to take in, that's the point."
I'm talking to my younger brother on the phone and he tells me that he used his Best Buy gift card. He debated on Beats headphones but decided on Bose. "You made a sound decision little bro".
My brother is at a hospital and sees a therapist regularly. He gets one phone call a day and it's my personal objective to get him to laugh every day.
Bro: I should probably get going, the therapist gave me some homework to do.
Me: Yeah, you don't wanna make her therapist off.
I got a good laugh from him.
My younger brother is an ass, so is my dad to him. They annoy each other quite often, I think they like it. When my little bro (He was a teenager then) get angry he usually says to my dad "I will leave this house, and go to where none of you will never find, and I will never come back", my dad have many answers, like
- Please tell me the place, I want to run away too
- You can take your little sister with your too
- What documents do you need for that?
- Are you still here? Can I help you with packing
- Oh, that will make it easy for me, ha ha
I dont remember most of it, you can guess!
My brother usually go out and then forget about it, until one day he moved out, and comes back after a while, lol, of course! My awesome dad died 7 years ago, he was annoyingly humorous.
Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit
There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.
About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.
The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.
The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins".
"What do you mean?" asks the dentist.
"Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now."
The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life."
The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"
The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."
The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"
The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minute of brushing each, then we decide."
"Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.
Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper gr
... keep reading on reddit ➡Me: Hey, you hear that Robby got mono recently? Bro: Yeah, pretty messed up huh? Dad: I don't know guys, he might have stereo.
I got up and left the room
He’s always been hilarious, in a non-dad-joke way, just naturally cracks people up. But he has had some decent dad jokes since he became a father and my personal favorite is this.
He is a little short, so he was using a step-stool to grab something.
Me: Bro you really need a step-stool?
Him: Yeah, my real stool left me when I was five.
I just stood there, taken aback by the fact he just made a dad joke. It was actually pretty friggin’ funny.
My brother (a new dad) bought Thanksgiving pies from a fancy bakery.
Bro: they were a really hipster bakery. Tattoos and piercings and all.
Me: Oh, and did they give you the pies still warm?
Bro: no...
Me: well, they should've given it to you before it was cool.
I got several audible groans!
Denim, Denim, Denim
My brother pulled out some measuring tape, asked me to hold one end as he held the other end and walked towards the oven.
".... about 12 feet."
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 bro is basically a certified dad now
