I was buying the wife some underwear, I asked the shop assistant;
“Are these knickers satin?"
"No” she said, “They’re brand new...”
I went to the book store and asked the assistant for any books about turtles.
She asked " Hardback? " And I said.. .." yeah, and little heads. "
I was in town earlier on looking for some fly killer. I picked up a can and asked the young store assistant "Excuse me, is this any good for wasps?"
"No" he said, "It kills them"
Why was the baker’s assistant fired?
Last summer, I worked on a party boat for the assistants to the staff of Terry Crews
I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.
Today, the day after Ash Wednesday, my assistant discovered she actually enjoys making spreadsheets.
I told her that was excellent.
.
(This is a true story.)
I was in the Apple store the other day and the sales assistant Robert, approached me and asked would I like to try the new iPhone. Not interested, I turned and said:
I asked the shop assistant where the Terminator action figures were.
She said "Aisle B, back".
I'm the best Assistant DJ in the entire world....
In fact, I hold the record!
I asked the book store assistant where the books on self help were...?
She replied "Sorry, that would defeat the purpose"
Why did the dental assistant go to the comedy club?
She was told she was really good at impressions!
When my son was born the assistant dropped him so I proceeded to make some real lifestyle changes
It was a real midwife crisis
"Excuse me, what's the expiry date on this?" I asked the shop assistant.
"Sir," he said, "that's a calendar."
Branch manager and assistant to the branch manager
Did you hear about the baker and his assistant Pi?
It was a pretty ordinary day. A woman came in wanting a couple piece of cheesecake, and the baker was busy. So Pi cut her 3.14 slices...
I walked into a furniture shop. I said to the assistant, "That leather seat over there...I've been sent in by my wife to buy it for her."
He said, "Ah, I've got one those at home."
I said, "Well, she can't be as bossy as mine."
Today I was waiting have a cavity filled at the dentist when the assistant hands me the smart tv remote to put something on while I wait.
So I say “Nothing like a little Netflix and drill”
Dadjoking the crowd every time I introduce my assistant
"This is my assistant. She's also my sister, so that makes her my assister!"
What do you call the assistant to the assistant nut?
I went to a cake shop and told the assistant that I wanted to design a cake for my wife.
"What would she like on top of that?" asked the assistant.
I said, "Probably some money and for me to do the cleaning."
I went into the local card shop and asked the assistant whether they did bereavement cards..
.. she said “yes of course”, “great!” I said, “can I exchange this ‘get well soon’ card for a bereavement card?”
(My Dad just laid this one on me)
The teaching assistant for our class didn't show up the day after injuring his foot
Our professor told us he had a lame excuse
What did the Italian scientist say to his assistant with B.O.?
The shop assistant just groaned...
My girlfriend wnted a new watch so we went to the local shopping centre to go to the Fossil shop. It was shut due to a power outage. Go back the next day and they're open; a quick chat with the shop assistant and she says the problem still isn't fixed and they're using generators to try and get through the day.
I couldn't help myself and say "I guess that means you're running on Fossil Fuel then?"
It didn't go down very well.
My wife typoed and sent the text: "I think my assistant is quoting on me."
To which I replied, "so she'll work for you nevermore?"
Wifey was not amused.
My university advertised in the newspaper for a new assistant professor. We were confused when the paper called and said that...
Why couldn't the lab assistant understand the wet nuclear physicist?
Because he was soakin' fusing.
Was watching Mulan with the family. During the draft scene, the emperor's assistant guy calls out a family name.
Assistant guy: "Tha Chu family"
My dad: "Did he sneeze or something?"
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, “Is this good for wasps?”
He said, “No, it kills them.”
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