since he lived on the earth before it was cool.
He made himself a laughing stock
Apparently I have been mistaken.
Turned out to be quite the shin dig.
It was quite the shindig
He later apologized for his mis-steak.
It was all-porpoise flour.
It's a Ca-marrow.
I'm a steak-holder.
When it was done she said "we're all stocked up!"
They’re Aachen.
Oh wow! Dig it, man!
anyways I lost my job at the aquarium today
I thought I had found it, but it was a fossil arm. Then upon searching the site further, I found a petrified sausage. It was the missing link.
Its humerus
It was quite Humerus.
Medium-well.
Edit: over-medium is for eggs
Rüdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "Rüdoff det røde", meaning "the red".
After years of wars, and regular battles, Rüdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.
One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but Rüdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars
"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.
He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:
Rüdoff The Red knows rain, dear.
Me: My love for you is 0/0 Her: Aww, infinite? Me: Nahh,Undefined. Her: Why are you like this, is there no limit to your stupidity? Me: Umm, now that you say it, I should've applied a limit to it. Her: I want to break your bones, ugh. Me: So are you saying that I'll have to re-visit the l'hospital?
The xyloBONE!
I boiled it. It made a laughing stock. It was humerus like the bone
And i noticed a giant T-Bone hanging from the ceiling.
I asked the butcher - Hey, whats this for?
Oh, replied the butcher Thats a compitition we have going. Choose what meat you want to buy and put it on the counter. You can then choose to jump and pull the t-bone down. If you do it in one shot, you get your meat free, otherwise you pay 50% more. Want to have a shot?
Nah I replied Steaks are too high
They went to a site where rumor states a rare dinosaur bone was there
So the man said to his wife.. "I've got a bone to pick, with you~"
(Correction: they are not archaeologists they are paleontologist!)
Now let me tell you, they were so boney that I had a bone to pick with the manager (true story)
So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.
As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"
The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.
Over in a tree, is a monkey who sees everything and realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion what happened and getting something in return.
So the monkey finds the lion and tells him what really happened.
The lion says to the monkey angrily, "Get on my back, we'll get him together".
So the monkey climbs on the lion's back and they start rushing back to the dog.
The dog sees them, realizes what has happened and starts to panic even more.
But then he gets another idea and shouts, "Where is that monkey!?! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago!"
i'd tell you a joke about bones. but it probably wont be a humerus as it should be. tibia honest, it doesnt have a lot of back bone put into it. it'll just make me seem like a numb skull anyways so, imma go skullking in the bar. see ya
Buddy: Wait, so their idea was, "Your son is the devil, we can fix that with a bone marrow transplant and a virus?"
Me: No, I think they were lying about the retrovirus and just putting holy water and stuff into the marrow to exorcise him. That is my guess because they were just nuns, not real doctors.
Buddy: But, when he was freaking out at the end didn't the nurse say, "The gene therapy would have worked, but he was just too strong!"
Me: Oh yeah, maybe they had some of Jesus's DNA. So, instead of the CRISPR gene they use the CHRISTR gene....
I got an eye roll! No kids yet, but at least I know I can rise to the occasion.
Update: bones have been identified, turns out the cow didn't make it all the way!
So lets all make a skeleTON of puns while i play the tromBONE and send chills down their SPINE. Those where just examples as they were tibial puns, but it might have been enough to hit your funny bone. So lets all bone our punny puns and take a crack at making spooky jokes. Remember to make more spooky puns today or you will be the one with no backbone.
The bartender asks,"What'll be Bones?"
The skeleton replies,"Two beers and a mop."
and they work their fingers to the bone.
(We're eating, my dad gives me a piece of rib and I eat it without a second thought)
Me: Damn I should've checked for bones first.
Mom: Yeah when we X-ray people we find bones in them all the time.
Me: I sure hope so!
So, today I just remembered a dream I had. It was a restaurant, but everyone were skeletons. I was focusing on these 3 skeletons, one being a waiter and the other 2 sitting at a table. As the waiter served them food, I swear the waiter said “Bone Appetite.” (i never heard this pun anywhere else, so I claim it as mine)
Me: How did you do on the muscles and bones test?
Son: I mixed up the cranium and the skull.
Me: That was a boneheaded mistake.
Son: (Sarcastic) Ha ha.
I guess he didn't find my joke humerus.
People are dying to get in there. I would go, but I don't have the spine. I'll probably just end up feeling bonely.
I went to Lollapalooza last year, and there was an incident. I got into a fight with two of the biggest bands at the fest, and they were really kicking my butt. Fortunately, a few Kurdish doctors intervened and saved my life.
I guess it's true what they say: Styx and The Stones may break my bones, but Kurds will never hurt me.
I can only think of "The bone wanderer", but what I had was better than that and I cant remember it. please make suggestions, and maybe it'll be close enough to spark my memory
Listen now to the story of the two brothers Hing and Ming. Each was devoted to the search for ultimate wisdom, but they differed greatly on how it was to be found. One day their pet chicken fell ill, began to molt, and soon lost all of its feathers! The brothers decided that this would be an ideal test case and agreed to each spend two months trying to cure the chicken. Hing immediately went back to the university. Having boned up on ornithology and traditional Chinese medicine, he decided that the answer was a prescription of gum-tree leaf tea. He gathered bushels of the tea leaves, brewed gallons of the tea, and poured it into the chicken for the two months.
Meanwhile, Ming traveled all around China, praying at the shrines of his ancestors. One night he had a dream. His ancestors appeared and told him to feed the chicken tea made from gum-tree leaves!!!
Ming, aware of his brother’s lack of success, decided that the problem was quantity. He gathered whole CARTLOADS of leaves, and brewed BARRELS of the tea, and poured them into the chicken for the two months. At the end of the time, the poor chicken was still as naked as a bowling ball.
Moral: All of Hing’s courses, and all of Ming’s kin; couldn’t make gum tea re-feather a hen!
Mom: She has a brittle bone disease. Shes 6 but has already broken four arms.
Me: Four arms? You should have started out with the fact that she has four arms, who cares about the brittle bone thing.
She called me a jackass and left. I was the only one laughing.
Worth it.
Not for the weak of mettle
