a farmer drove his son into the market and dropped him off with $100. he told his son not to buy anything except for a cow. if he couldn't afford a cow, he should use the money to get a taxi home. the son sent pics to his dad all day of the ones he thought were good until his phone died.
he just got the most expensive one he could afford for $99.99. he asked to use the cow vendors phone to call his dad. the vendor replied "sure, for $5". the kid worked out a deal to send one text with one word for one cent. he sent his dad: "comfortable"
My wife laughed, "The lottery is a tax on fools who can't do math!" I shrugged and said, "You never know! Anybody can win the lottery." Folding her arms, she asked, "Do you even know the chances of a person winning the lottery?" I shot back, "Yes!! 100%!!"
Thousand and thousands of years ago, during the last ice age, there lived an animal that excelled at trigonometry, geometry, and could recite Pi to 100 decimal places. It was known simply as.....
.....the mammothematician.
What did the hospital say to the man with 100% of his left side missing?
The doctor says “He’s alright”
The nurse follows “There’s nothing left!
100 years ago everyone owned a horse but only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
Physicists are playing hide and seek in the afterlife. It's Einstein turn to seek. He counts to 100, turns around and notices Newton in a 1m*1m square. Hah, Newton, I found you!
See Einstein, the problem here is that you discovered Pascal!
I was part of a class and i total , we were 100 students. I walked up to the front of the class , and wrote :"balloons" on the white board. So...
The other 99 read balloons.
I make Christmas wreaths for a living. So I decided I would make one out of 100 dollar bills the other day.
I call it a wreath of Franklin.
I just got a letter from a herb and spice company demanding the $100 I owe them.
If I don't pay them within a week, they have threatened to send the bay leafs around.
How do you get 100 rowdy Canadians out of the pool?
What lies on its back 100 ft in the air?
I did my personal best in the 100 metres today...
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
A perfect 10 but purely imaginary.
This restaurant I went to opened to 100% capacity the other day.
People are dying to get in.
And I am getting sick of it.
A man goes to the doctor, and says "doctor, I havent been peeing correctly and its painful". The doctor replies "I will have to perform a prostate exam." As the doctor examines the man, he pulls out an $100 bill out of his bottom. This continues, he keeps pulling out money from this man's bottom.
After about half an hour the doctor says..."You won't believe this, but i just pulled $1999 out of your bottom"
The man turns around and says "Yeah, I wasn't feeling 2 grand"
i went to a restaurant and the waitress threw a piece of meat on the ceiling. she offered me $100 to go and get it off and i replied:
No, the steaks are too high!
Why did the balloon cost $100?
A moment of silence for our dear friend, liquid water, who did not survive the 100° temperature...
I told my son if he farted in the car he would have to give me 10$ of his 100$ monthly allowance.
I always get my 10 Per-Scent
The beauty store told me their soap is 100% natural but I found out it wasn't
My friend bet me 100$ I wouldn't be able to get the prime cuts of meat from the top shelf.
Why was the pastry chef nervous about making 100 cakes in a day?
It was a high whisk situation
My nephew does well in marathons but poorly in the 100 yard dash...
He's better off in the long run.
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...
I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.
When the US first conceptualized the $100 bill they were thinking of putting the face of Jesus, as his ability to come back to life was greater than any wealth.
It would've been the 1 undead dollar bill
So the travel agency said I could climb Mt. Everest and it would only cost $100,000.
I said no thanks, that's a bit too steep.
I read a report that said 100% of the world's major corporations had unmarried female as CEOs
It was a completely miss-leading report
Why did the NFL choose to acknowledge OJ Simpson as a part of the top 100 players?
Because he really was a killer running back.
What do you call 100 rabbits in a straight line that take a step back at the same time?
I recently took a pole and 100% of the people...
...were upset when their tent collapsed
My reaction when I take a trip to the Hoover Dam and the temperature breaks 100°
Old man Art was planting flowers in his front yard. The homeowners’ association fined him $100.
Yard Art is strictly prohibited.
A rancher with only 95 cattle managed to get 100 into the pen.
All he had to do was round them up.
What lies on its back 100 ft in the air?
My girlfriend is the square root of - 100
She's a perfect 10, but completely imaginary
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years...
The dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
Out of all the inventions in the last 100 years...
...the dry erase board is probably the most remarkable.
Out of all the inventions in the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the best one.
100 years ago everyone owned horses and only the rich drove cars
These days everyone drives cars and only the rich own horses.
Oh how the stables have turned.
Out of all the inventions in the last 100 years...
The dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.
100 years ago everyone had horses and only the rich had cars. Now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars.
Today everyone has cars and only the rich have horses.
oh how the stables have turned.
Of all the inventions in the past 100 years...
The dry erase board is the most remarkable.
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100
A solid 10, but also imaginary
My girlfriend is like the square root of -100
A solid 10, complex and negative half the time.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
