Little Johnny has diarrhoea and asks his mom, "Hey mom, do you have Viagra?" The mom goes, "What? What on Earth do you need that for?" "Well, isn't that what you give dad when his shit doesn't get hard?"
What do you call a scary icing that you can't get rid of?
A boo meringue!
What do you call the crew of a rocket launch that gets cancelled?
Astronots
Whats with the saying "that's how you get ahead in life"?
I was already born with one.
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
What do you call a monkey that cant get into his house?
A mon
What do you call a Jedi that can't get to sleep?
A restless Knight.
What do you call a janitor that gets stoned ?
High maintenance
Son: Dad what are you going to do today? Dad: Well first I'm going to get a pair of glasses. Son: And after that?
Dad: I'll see.
What do you call hashbrowns that get thrown in the garbage?
Trashbrowns!
What can you get from a squid that will make you laugh?
Ten tickles.
What do you get if you have a subsciption to a magazine that is all about fathers?
Daddy issues
What do you call an electric oven that always gets dirty?
MikeRoweWave
What do you call a snail that gets around a lot?
Escar-ho.
What do you call a shape that gets into a car accident?
A rectangle.
What do you call a duck that gets all A's?
A wise quacker.
What do you call a tropical cocktail that gets into a car accident?
Pina Collide-a
What do you call a lizard that can't get an erection
A reptile dysfunction.
What do you call a potato that gets the gals?
A spud.
What do you call a catholic that often gets lost
A Roman Catholic
What do you call a cantaloupe that runs off to get married?
A can-elope!
What do you call a fruit that isn’t allowed to get married?
A cantaloupe (can’t elope)
What do you give cats that don't get along with each other?
An anti-hisstamine.
"What do you call one of those mini burps that never really gets enough acoustic momentum to become a full resounding rip?"
"A Son of a Belch"
Thought it up yesterday! Hopefully it's original.
What do you call a peice of glass that watches another piece of glass get murdered?
A material witness
What do you call a cult that’s hard to get into?
Diffi-cult
What do you call a woolen coat that you get as a Christmas gift?
Fleece Navidad.
Two vampire bats in a cave, one goes out in search of fresh blood in the local village, and comes back with a face covered in red blood. His friend says "what did you eat to get all that?" The first bat replies:
"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."
What do you call a melon that is unable to run off and get married?
A cantaloupe.
What do you call a lizard family that doesn’t get along?
A-Reptile Dysfunction!
A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, the barman asks what he can get them and the man orders a pint for himself and 20 shots for the giraffe, the giraffe necks all 20 shots and falls on the ground, the man goes to leave the bar and the barman says "HEY, you can't leave that lyin there!"
The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"
What do you call south american apes that get quickly delivered packages?
amazon primates
What do you call a wrench that gets huge and turns green when angry?
Bruce Spanner
You know what they say about the melons that aren't able to run off and get married?
They cantaloupe.
What do you call a pasta that can’t get into their house?
Gnocchi
What do you call a monkey that cant get into his house?
A mon.
What do you call a duck that gets all A's?
A wise quacker.
What do you call a duck that gets all A's?
A wise quacker.
What do you call a duck that gets all A's?
A wise quacker.
What do you call a duck that gets all A's?
A wise quacker.
What do you call a duck that gets all A's?
A wise quacker.
