Tan 1 Puns

I gave it a tan out of tan.

My afghan is tan.

I wanted to date my math teacher to have a chance of looking at her tan lines. But I cant, cos its was a sin.

When he wakes up, he's going to be a tan gent.

Son: So dad, shall I order you a suntan lotion?

Me: No son, get the dad tan lotion.

I’m neapoliTAN!

He was a real tan gent.

Once upon a time there was a king in the olden times

He loved giving out diktats like

"So shall citizens pay double the tax"

"So shall boys over 18 join the army"

He went to war with China

He won

In the court, they brought a Chinese man

"Your Majesty, he's the best singer in China, but refuses to sing since he is unwell with cough, fever"

The king then gave out a new diktat

"So shall this Tan sing"

And to this day, when it happens..

They say it's a better way to get a tan.

Tan out of tan

Joke's on them; I'm tan-free every day!

A tan hut!!

Ps, my buddy who is a marine hates me for this joke

Thank you for attending;

Tan Q for attending;

Sin Q/Cos Q for attending

But if you mend the Cos of it.

Tan it will be better.

Sandalwood

What do they use to get a tan?

Palm oil

Sorry, I'm going off on a tan gent.

Whenever people say they're tan, I always say "But I'm Tanner."

My friends hate me

He wanted to get skele-tan.

And they only forgive sin but not cos or tan.

"Hey girl, you sure are angled alright. Your tan is infinitly beautiful."

Running all those male tanning salons.

They're tan plastic.

When he came back, he was a tan gent

Is postmarital sex a Tan or a Cos?

So, I realize this isn't entirely in the spirit of dad jokes, but I think you all will get a groan or three in the end...

Basically, my dad is the epitome of /r/dadjokes. He is a walking talking dadjoke. So, it was quite the shock to our family when we recently found out that he has stage 4 Cholangiocarcinoma (the Bad Luck Brian of cancers.) and doesn't have much longer to live. Anyhow, his favorite image on the internet is of a dead deer on the side of the road with a "Get well soon" balloon tied to its leg. It cracks him up. Tickles him pink in fact...so, being the morbid family we are, that lead to this...

http://imgur.com/h2cCZQq

He might be dying, but I still call him dad, and he is still quick with a joke. As you can see his sense of humor hasn't gone anywhere. Our family's sense of humor is what gets us all through. I believe my favorite bad joke through all of this was his buddy who said, "Frank, that is the worst spray tan I've ever seen in my life." (You see, the cancer is shutting down his liver and he appears yellow from jaundice.)

I'm not looking for any sympathy here, dad's die all the time. That's a tough fact of life. I just wanted to spread a fine dadjoke.

Thanks for reading.

My SO just got back from a trip to cuba, while there her sister asks "am I tan?" Only to be met with a dad joke response "you do look pretty sin over cosine."

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah

Her: my watch-tan is so bad!
Me: yeah, you know why?
Her: why?
Me: because your melanin got a-wrist-ed!

A trio of explorers were hiking through the Congo and found a small village that was very isolated and not on any map. The villagers turned out to speak English very well, and informed the adventurers very politely that theirs was a village of cannibals and they were to be cooked and eaten, and their hides tanned and turned into canoes for the villagers, but they would allow them to take their own life however they saw fit.

The first man asks for a sharp knife, slices his wrists open, and mutters "Lay me down and bleed a while, and ne'er up again."

The second man asks for his revolver, says "For God and Country!" and shoots himself in the head.

The last man asks for a fork, and stabs himself repeatedly screaming "Fuck your canoe!"

"Tight tan, Nick."

A tan gent.

Oh MOOgosh. This might just sound like a load of Bull, but please STEER me out.

Deja Moo (Sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-air)

Now these are puns all about COWS

Their milk gets flipped, churned all around.

And I’d like to take a minute but I won’t stop and prattle

And tell you this story you haven’t HERD about cattle.

In IstanBULL I was born and BRAISED.

In the pastures back then in my HAYDAYS.

Chewing cud, RUMPING round, and making a fuss.

TANNING out so UDDERLY ridiculous.

When a couple of HEIFERS who had BEEF with me

Started BULLying on my Brand , you see.

I got TIPPED over once and my mom got scared

She said you're MOOvin your behind, your butt, your DAIRY Air.

I whistled for a calf and when it came near

Thought she was a babe, but HE was a STEER!

If anything I can say this STEAK is rare

But that Bovine was BO-FINE so I didn’t care!

I got milked a few times, maybe 7 or 8

More like long-gonehorn, than reliable date.

So I CHUCKED out the udder half of the pasture,

Bevo ain’t a cow, don’t got what I’m after.

Fun fact: a Dairy Cow can produce 125lbs of saliva a day.

Tan-os.

Me, Dad, holding Mom's calculator while furiously mashing the [ tan( ] button

Me: tan tan tan tan tan tan--

Mom: What the fuck are you doing?

Me: Sorry, I kinda went off on a tangent there...

One of my coworkers asked my supervisor how she stayed so tan. She replied by saying, "Oh, I have a little Indian in me." I jumped in and said, "What's his name?"

The cherry on top was that one of my other coworkers started laughing and said, "Hey, that's something my dad would say!"

He brought it home for me to sign. I guess his tan is more important to him. Help. How do I be square with him?

and if you leave a small horse in the sun, you tan-a-pony

Wear beach cloths and draw sin/cos plots over your body. Congratulations, you are "showing off your tan lines"

Me: sit and wait for me here. Dad: wait is that a tanning booth or a Tardis?!

Dad: "Hey, are you tan from the sun?" Me: "... I guess." Dad: "Well hi! I am Dad from Earth!" He then proceeds to laugh for a solid 5 minutes.

Brother: Nice watch tan dad /s

Dad: Thanks son it required time.

Whenever people say they're tan I always say "But I'm Tanner."

Sorry for going off on a tan gent.