My co workers can’t stand working with me at the sperm bank because every time a new customer walks in I can’t help but say
Ah to work in IT, one of the few fields you can work with a stripper without worrying the wife!
An old lady at the bank told me to check her balance
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
A man robs a bank and runs out to discover 3 men outside, looking at him
The robber approached the first man. "Did you see me rob the bank?" The first man says "Yes". BANG, the robber shoots the first man dead.
The robber approaches the second man. "Did you see me rob this bank?" The second man says "Yes" BANG, the robber shoots the second man dead.
The robber approaches the third man. "Did you see me rob this bank?" The third man says "No, but my mother-in-law did"
(As told by my dad)
Did you know that Ann Wilson from Heart works at a bank?
Her business card says “How can I get you a loan?”
A woman at the bank asked me to check her balance yesterday
Why do the cows clump together in groups on the field?
I don't know, tis beef huddling.
A beast of burden defecated in the field
Why did the dog go to the bank?
I once tried to rob a bank
But the dye pack went off. Safe to say I was caught red handed.
He finally saw someone on the opposite bank and shouted, "how do I get to the other side of the river?"
"You are on the other side of the river!"
What do u call 100 epileptics in a lettuce field
A herd of cows in a field. Which ones on holiday?
The one with the wee calf.
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” Puzzled, the teller asks, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber yells, “Don’t change the subject!"
An animal illegally entered to compete in the olympics track and field races...
He won all races by a very big margin but was stripped of all his medals ...
'coz he was a Cheetah! He should not have been in the human olympics anyway!!
- My sons and I came up with this on the way to school this morning. Its probably corny and old but we enjoyed crafting it :D
Did you hear about the midget psychic that is on the run after robbing a bank?
Police say she is a small medium at large.
...Reposted after a horrible misspell, fat fingers and no proof reading make for a terrible post. Apologies
I wanted to call in sick at work today but my bank account said no...
Apparently it's having withdrawal symptoms
Every field has its ethical debates, law enforcement has to ask which is worse, planting evidence or letting them walk? Pharmacists have to ask which is more important, extra income or being fully transparent with side effects. But geologists?
They’re sometimes stuck between a rock and a hard place
She seems to be having a field day out there.
Me: Niece you're calling me really late. The cows are already asleep in the field. Nice: uh...so?
Me: It's pasture bedtime.
Crickets
Neice: Did I leave my sneakers at your house?
My friend told me this one yesterday (hope it wasn't from here) and I was hoping to be able to use it.
What do you call a dog that works in the medical field?
A mobster tried to kill someone in a rice field with a porcelain doll
It was a Knick knack paddy whack
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady ask me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
No field of study is perfect, but geology...
...really seems to have a lot of faults
They need to make an NFL team that is called the Cashews so when the team run onto the field the crowd yells "GO NUTS!".
While I was at the bank, an armed man in a ski mask came in and said…
“1, 2, 3, 4. Everybody on the floor”
I immediately jumped in the air.
He said: “What are you doing?”
I said: “I gotta gotta get up to get down.”
A priest, a shaman and a rabbit walk into a blood bank
The rabbit says, "I think I'm a type O".
Driving past a field of cows where some are lying down
Dad: Hey, that cow looks tired. Maybe she just gave birth.
Literally no one:
Dad: because if she did she'd be... decalfinated
(rewrite of an annoyingly long post I made yesterday)
Edited for clarity
Did you know vampires are suckers for deals? What do you call a vampire who uses coupons? Discount. What's a vampires favorite currency? Bite coin. The only kind of bank a vampire trusts is a blood bank. They still never make deposits.
Inspired by a recent post.
What is it called when a bank gives someone money to buy friends?
What did the fruit say during the bank heist?
A turtle, making its way through a field, got mugged by a gang of snails.
Later a policeman asked the turtle, “Can you describe your assailants?”
The turtle replied, “I don’t know. It happened too fast.”
We should have been able to predict the fall of the Soviet Union a lot sooner.
There were a lot of red flags.
What did the farmer say when he found three holes in his field?
I'm furious at my bank who cashed me out in cheese!
That's the last time I take out a provolone!
My friend decided to grow some marijuana on the fields beside his cow farm.
I told him to be careful, the steaks are high.
I lost my job as a bank teller on my first day.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Did you hear about the Referee that spotted the fake French pastry after it was tossed on the football field?
He threw a flag and yelled “False Tart!”
Why would a criminal only rob a bank at noon?
Because then even the clocks would have their hands up.
The police managed to capture the bank robbers and free all nine hostages, thanks to one of the robbers who turned on his mates. When asked for a comment the officer in charge simply said...
A snitch in time saves nine.
Hey Alexa, can you check my bank account and see what Apple product I can afford to buy...."
Did you hear about the man that robbed a bank while riding on top of a dolphin?
"Go to bed! The cows are sleeping in the field."
"So? What's that have to do with anything?"
"It's pasture bedtime!"
A guy walks into the bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and screams, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!” The teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!"
I got fired from the bank today.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her
I told my daughter, “Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field.” Puzzled, she asked, “What’s that got to do with anything?” I chuckled, "Well, that means..."
I got fired from my bank job.
Because a lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over
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