Did you know that statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t Happy?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/graemeboyle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
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For math lovers and others to
  1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal? Because he would have to convert.

  2. Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

  3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average? It was a mean thing to say!

  4. Why was the math book depressed? It had a lot of problems.

  5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated? Because it is never right.

  6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper? HeΒ must be plotting something.

  7. Why was the equal sign so humble? Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

  8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date? The odd couple

  9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place? A Roamin’ numeral.

  10. Did you hear the one about the statistician? Probably.

  11. What do you call dudes who love math? Algebros.

  12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

  13. Why should you never talk to Pi? Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

  14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common? It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

  15. Are monsters good at math? Not unless you Count Dracula.

  16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher? Use acute angle.

  17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers? They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

  18. How do you stay warm in any room? Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

  19. Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven eight ("ate") nine!

  20. Why DID seven eat nine? Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

  21. Why does nobody talk to circles? Because there is no point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/InvestWithArihant
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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I make a mean Tex Mex...

Statistically it's average.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaPauw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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I heard people saying "boo" to their friends has went up 85% this year.

That's a frightening statistic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supahuntaa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
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Studies have shown that

the people who rely on statistics are wrong 76.5% of the time ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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First day of class, professor joke

First day of the new semester. I'm at my first class, Experimental Statistics. The professor is going over the syllabus and everything then stops for us to do an "exercise."

He tells us to turn to the person next to us and ask them to marry us.

(If you must know, the guy on side me said no. Apparently it was something I said.)

We start to quiet down and wait for the explanation of why 1000 students just asked each other to marriage.

The professor said that it was important for his students to be engaged during class.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigguy1027
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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We are standing at Depoe Bay, Oregon watching the whales. I point at a bird (ironically), β€œlook Patty, a seagull!” My wife replies, β€œno, it’s a bagel.” β€œWhy is it a bagel?” β€œBecause it’s over the BAY!” That’s pretty funny, but...

The thing is she didn’t just make up this joke, but this is the first time I’ve heard it. We’ve been married for 18 years. That means that she’s been waiting for 18 years until we were near the ocean, at a bay, waiting for a seagull to fly over. The dad joke is above average, but statistically speaking, she has my respect 100%.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MahonriWY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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An interesting title

Don't let statistics do a number on you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbird7976
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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The studies show it, so it's true

Recent studies have found that 99% of statistics are false

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowdaddyOU812
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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A recent study shows that the number of people who enjoy horror films has gone up by more than 30%.

That’s a frightening statistic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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Cigarette Smoking..

The leading cause of statistics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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Blood Test

I now have so much respect for all the jokes in here,

So i just became a dad on Friday to a beautiful baby girl and my story goes like this.

Today a Midwife came into the room where my wife and I were and started with a speech " Hi my name is !editingoutinfo! I was wondering if i can take a blood sample from the baby, It's voluntary, it's for statistics and it gets sent out to a lab and they test for all rare conditions, they are going to test her genes and..."

At which point i stopped her and said "we haven't got any jeans for her, everyone has been buying her pink dresses"

she gave me a pity laugh and said "ohh the dad jokes are starting already"

What is happening to me?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/randazz0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
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Buddy's wife works for the Census Bureau. He calls her...

"...my statistically significant other."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cummy_ant_sock
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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Dad-joked my Statistics class

On Thursday, I was in Statistics class, when all of the sudden, a girl from another math class nonchalantly wandered into our classroom, grabbed a few tissues from our class tissue box, and walked out, without saying a word. My teacher then jokingly suggested that our class track down people who take our classrooms tissues.

I then responded by saying, "At least she didn't take any of our paper towels. Because then, we would have to hire a Bounty hunter."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EPIDIDYMIS_HUMMUS
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2014
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Science Puns

One of the funniest school puns; science puns

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.


The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.


If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.


A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”


Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!


How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.


What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O too” β€” and he died.


A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.


Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your β€œstyle.”


I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.


I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.


Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.


Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.


Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.


What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!


A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies β€œFor you, no charge”.


Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: β€œOh, no, I think I lost an electron.” β€œAre you sure?”

β€œYe

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Got 6 people to stand up and leave the lunch table

Friend: "I wasn't able to stop by my room between classes today, my Russian teacher let us out late so I had to hurry over to statistics."

Me: "I guess you could say you were... Russian to statistics "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmosworld37
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
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My dad cracked himself up pretty good with this one

My dad and I talking about some statistic

Me- "You need to just look at the data."

Dad-"Day-tuh." (correcting my pronunciation which he does any chance he can get)

Me-"Data."

Dad-"No, I'm dada."

Groans shared by his girlfriend and I while he cracks up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodofmy_blood
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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It was a good thanksgiving dinner

Talking about a cousin-in-laws new boyfriend

> He's getting a Ph.D. in Statistics, so he's pretty smart

Me: Would you say that he is significantly smart?


Someone wanted the stuffing:

> Did you know that when it isn't in the turkey it isn't called stuffing, but it's actually called dressing??

Me: Just don't put it on your salad

The parent's and my wife groaned but the little kids thought it was funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/turtle_flu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
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My dad says this all the time

"Statistics prove that 4 out of 5 doctors should lighten up."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UncannyFart
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2015
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Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't happy
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrScotty15
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2017
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Did you know that statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t happy.
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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Researchers say that cigarette smoking is the leading cause

Of statistics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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