Stitch by Stitch Puns

It was replete with pleats.

The nurses patched him in triage and after a long wait, the doctor called him in. "You'll take about eight stitches and be on your way." The chef replied, "I can tell you're all very busy here, so just hand me the needle and I'll be on my way." The doctor looked by turns insulted, annoyed and dismissive.

"Fine then. Suture self."

...sew he went to the hospital. Since his life was hanging by a thread, the doctors decided that they'd use a blanket method to help him out: stitches. Warms my heart to say that he's all patched up now.

"You don't know how many seconds are in a year off the top of your head? 12. Jan2 feb2 ....."

"Today and Tomorrow...."

These two got laid on me by the chef at my work cafeteria. The cashier aka crazy Lisa was in stitches making him tell everyone.

When I was in college, I was riding my bicycle and got hit by a car. I had to get some stitches and my nose re-broken, but nothing too serious. When I got out, I called my dad and told him...

>Me: I got hit by a car today...

>Dad: Holy &^%$, are you okay?

>Me: I'm okay, just a little run down.

My father-in-law had a hernia surgery and was updating people on how he was feeling on Facebook.

He finished by saying, "My doctor is a real joker...he left me in stitches."

I was de-pleated.