True story: I was visiting my wife in the hospital but the room didn't have a bed to lay down in so I laid down on the floor since I was tired. The nurse came in and asked "having a good time down there"?
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
I was an uber driver for a bunch of pro wrestlers, they were so tired after their show they all just stacked on top of each other in my backseat
I guess I was the pile driver
I am sick and tired of people calling me lazy, so I'm going to kill myself.
But, the gun is all the way over there.
Why was the German pilot so tired?
He was part of the Schluftwaffe
I got so tired while climbing a tall mountain in Nepal.
I did not think I would Everest.
I got home from work angry and tired, so I asked my wife if she could make turkey and duck for dinner.
Why was the duck so tired?
He woke up at the quack of dawn.
I was tired of quarantine so I decided to go out and start skateboarding.
Now I’m totally sick, bro! 🤘🤘🤘
Why are so many people tired on April 1st?
they just finished a 31 day March.
A man was tired of drinking well water as he didn't like the taste. In fact, he hated it so much that he decided to destroy the well using dynamite. Unfortunately...
I'm so damn tired of these daily repetitive boring Herb jokes. Honestly..
My boyfriend is getting tired of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked him how I could stop my addiction.
He said "Whatever means necessary."
I answered "No it doesn't."
I'm so tired after fixing the toilet
I've been waiting for someone else to come up with a brilliant joke about a clock, and grew tired of waiting so I made one up myself
No wonder I’m so tired...
I haven’t had a good nights sleep all decade!
Matt: Hey man, I'm so tired of people walking all over me.
Art: At least they don't leave you hanging.
so I made a dadjoke hi tired I'm dad during breakfast and daughter got angry. so I said...
What are you going to do, throw me with the frying pun?
Why are keyboards so tired?
Because they have two 'SHIFTS'
So I was given the ability to fly the other day, decided to give it a whirl over the pacific. Little did I know how tired I was getting but just in the knick of time I saw a remote location that looked deserted off the coast, so what do I do?
So I was tired after a long day...
So as soon as I got home, I flopped onto a couch, and slept for an hour or two with my arm under a textured pillow. When I woke up, the texture left the textured markings on my arm. So I showed my brother, and he said “you have weird sleeping patterns”.
So tired of these double standards.
If a woman sleeps with ten men she's a slut, but if a man does it he's gay.
My older daughter asked me why Mommy is so tired after breastfeeding our baby all day
I told her:
Breastfeeding is tough for Mommy, it really takes a lot out of her
I’m so tired...
I’ve been awake all year!
I'm still so tired after waking up from my appendectomy.
Man, surgery really takes it out of you.
I'm so tired I could sleep for the rest of the year
Why are cows so tired after giving birth?
Because they've been de-calf-inated.
I’m so tired of this sub
... I said, after ordering the same thing at subway yet again
I'm so tired reading everyones Obama comments...
I'm bored and so tired...
That I could be mistaken as a skateboard
"I'm so tired"
Do you know what's doubly tired?
A bicycle.
I was tired after a long walk today. So instead of walking back I asked my son to call me an Uber.
He said, "OK. You're an Uber."
I'm so tired of Facebook.
After watching the moon go around the Earth for 24 hours straight, the astronauts got so tired of it that .....
they decided to call it a day.
Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?
They just went through a grueling 31 day March.
Why were the soldiers so tired on April 1st?
They just got done with a 31 day March!
Why am I always so tired on 1st April ...
... because I’ve just endured a 31 day March
Why was everyone so tired on April 1st?
Because they just finished a long 31 day march.
It's been a Goodyear, but I'm so tired
Why is everyone so tired on April 1?
Because they just finished a March of 31 days.
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