I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire

I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/takuache_beaner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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What did the angry gun say to the bullet after shooting it?

You are fired.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I was on the table with my son pretending to be shooting guns around our living room.

My wife came storming in angrily, looked at us and shouted, 'Get down!'

I said, 'Follow the commander's orders, son. There might be an ambush.'

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
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You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say β€œTerry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.

You have died from dissin’ Terry

πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sincons
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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Who decided to call it a gun box, and not a shoot case?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/napalm_roolz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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How does a Catholic gun sound when used to shoot?

Pew pew

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gentlewoolfy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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How do you kill a BLUE elephant?

Shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun. How do you kill a PINK elephant? . . . . Hold it's nose until it turns blue then shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Binksamus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Did you hear about the gun that only shoots Israeli produced bullets?

I hear it's a semite automatic weapon.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bucnjazzfan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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old one tho
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aryanyr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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What kind of dog has a gun and shoots people?

A terrierist.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToonyCream
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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This is a series of dad jokes that all relate to each other and form a dad joke story so bear with me.

How do you kill a blue elephant? (How?) With a blue elephant gun.

How you you kill a pink elephant? (With a pink elephant gun?) No, you hold its trunk til it turns blue then shoot it with the blue elephant gun

Why do elephants paint their toenails red? (No clue...?) So they can hide in cherry trees

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? (Of course not) Then clearly it works

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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I got a job as a bullet

But I was immediately fired.

πŸ‘︎ 851
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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A Panda Walks into a Bar

A panda walks into a bar one day. He casually walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool.

The bartender thinks this is a bit odd, a panda walking into a bar isn’t something that normally happens to him.

He approaches the panda regardless and asks, β€œWhat can I get you?”

The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it and points to a cheeseburger.

The bartender is very impressed by this and so he decides to go ahead and make the cheeseburger for the panda.

The panda gets his cheeseburger, devours it, savoring every last bit. He then wipes its mouth with a napkin, impressing the bartender even more.

But then suddenly the panda pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the bar, except for the bartender.

The bartender stands there in total shock, soaked in blood, and can only ask the panda, β€œWhy?”

The panda pulls a dictionary from his fur coat and turns to the bartender. He flips the book to the P section, places it on the bar, and points to his picture. Then he turns and walks out the door without looking back.

The bartender leans down and reads the entry next to Panda. It says…

β€œPanda: A wild animal that eats, shoots and leaves.”

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Donorob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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My friend just told me that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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There was a shooting today,

The suspect used a starting pistol.

They say it was race related

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mediumfanta
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2017
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So this panda bear walks into a bar.

He goes up to the bartender and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, then takes out a gun, shoots the piano player, and goes to walk out.

The bartender says what the heck are you doing?

I'm a panda. It's what I do. Look it up.

So the bartender gets out his dictionary. You know, for settling bets. You didn't have a problem with the piano player, just go with it.

So, sure enough, there it is in the dictionary.

Panda bear, noun. Not a true bear, eats shoots and leaves.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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I make a lot of dad jokes for someone who has no kids.

You could call this a faux pas. Shoots finger guns

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyberCyanus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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An Australian is walking over to a friend to say hi.

All of a sudden, his friend pulls out a gun and shoots him. As the Australian is bleeding out on the ground, he rasps, β€œgood aim, mate.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Undercover-Cactus
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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A police officer walks into a tattoo parlor

A police officer walks into a tattoo parlor, hoping to get something cool drawn onto his shoulder. He walks up to the artist and shows him a picture of what he wants. In large text on a ribbon it says, "Protect and Serve." Below it, is a picture of a a badge, a pair of handcuffs, and a pistol. The tattoo artist is very good at his job, and says he can get this done in one session, so the officer sits down and the artist gets started. A few hours later, the artist is just finishing up, inking the last details of his service weapon. Once the last line is inked on the trigger, the cop gets up from his chair and looks in the mirror to see his new tattoo. His face twists into a look of shock and terror, pulls out his gun and opens fire onto the tattoo artist, killing him in the process. He gets on his radio, calling for backup, and took a defensive position until a few more cops and the police chief showed to the parlor minutes later. The chief, while examining the scene asks the officer, "What the hell? Why did you shoot this guy?" The cop says, "What did you expect me to do? The guy drew a gun on me!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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A Panda walks into a restaurant...

sits down and orders bamboo. Once he finishes his meal he stands up, pulls two guns from his furry pockets and shoots up at the ceiling not harming anyone. He then drops the guns and walks out. Confused, his waiter runs after him and yells, "Hey bear! What was that all about??!!". The panda says "Look me up." Confused, the waiter looks up "panda" and reads, "A bear that eats bamboo, shoots, and leaves."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxbrickem
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
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Dad joked my friend

My friend said he wanted the squirt gun that shoots jelly from the island of misfit toys. I told him it would probably jam a lot and asked him if it was standard issue for the US Army Preserves.

πŸ‘︎ 160
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirBrentsworth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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The Gun Show

I went to a gun show last weekend, and they were interviewing the NRA chairman on some new gun laws. They wanted to get people excited, so they shot t-shirts out into the audience with a t-shirt gun. They wanted to shoot money instead, but they were told they couldn’t use the money gun; it was a Cash .22.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patisfaction
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
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My Son will make a great dad some day.

My son is 5. He was cutting out paper and put it in the shape of a (very crude) gun.

"Dad, what kind of gun does this look like?"

I dunno son - it kind of looks like a hand gun.

Son: "A gun that shoots out hands?"

..........he got me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/margraves
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2016
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A Panda Walks Into A Bar

A panda walks into a bar, orders his food, eats it, but when the waiter comes to bring him his check, he pulls out a gun, shoots him, and walks out the door. The next day the panda does the same thing, same bar. The third day the manager is standing at the entrance and says, "What are you doing here? You shot two of my waiters! I'm gonna call the cops on you!" The panda says, "No wait! I just did what I'm supposed to!" The manager looks at him like WTF? But the panda says, "No listen." So he pulls out a dictionary, and it says, "Panda: Eats, shoots, and leaves."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
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I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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I went to the shooting range for the first time and couldn’t get my gun to fire.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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Blue elephants

How do you kill a blue elephant?

You shoot it with a blue elephant gun

How do you kill a red elephant?

You hold its nose til it turns blue the. Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/actsparkles
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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How do you kill a blue elephant?

Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Squeeze it’s trunk until it turns blue, and then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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A bear walks into a bar and says...

... "Give me a whiskey and... Koka-Koala"

"why the big pause?" Asks the bartender.

The bear shrugs. "I'm not sure; I was born with them"

The bear's friend, a panda, walks into the bar. He eats a sandwich, shoots a gun and leaves.

"He always eats, shoots and leaves when he comes to my bar! I still don't know why!" The bartender exclaims.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odysseus3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2017
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How do you kill a blue elephant?

With a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant?

You strangle it until it turns blue, and then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/qqwrz
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2017
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