Sheva Brachot Puns

I’m looking for wine recommendations for the seven blessings portion of a wedding ceremony. Red wine is the preference, but flexible on the taste profile, price, etc.

Thanks in advance!

Hello! FH and I were both raised in Conservative temples, and are having a relatively traditional Jewish wedding... somewhere between Conservative and Reform. I refuse to have anything too transactional in the ceremony - my bridal "price" is never mentioned, we'll be doing the 3 circles + 3 circles + 1 circle together instead of me doing all 7, it's a 2-ring ceremony etc.

Our ketubah is pretty modern (here's the wording we chose from Ketubah Arts, a site I HIGHLY recommend) and now I am looking at other particulars of the ceremony. The translations of the sheva brachot our Rabbi gave us are a fine, but a little stiff for my taste. I'm searching around, but does anyone have any favorite translations/interpretations of the blessings we might use? (Rabbi will be reading the Aramaic and then someone else will be reading the English.)

Thanks!

I am curious how you would approach the sheva brachot at a lesbian wedding.

This is not intended to be a discussion about the validity of a lesbian wedding, but rather, assuming that one is in fact happening, and the sheva brachot are being recited, what alterations you would personally make.

I know that there are gay wedding texts available, just curious how you would approach it.

This is going to be a rant more than a review, so sorry if I’m not sounding as constructive as one think I should be.

Quite a while ago I was recommended (iirc in this very sub) David Baddiel’s Jews Don’t Count, a book about goyish progressive spaces and their lack of allyship towards the Jewish community. Besides this basic summary I knew nothing about it or its author, but decided to buy it nevertheless, as it seemed a short and cheap read. It arrived just before succot, and I decided it would be one my chag readings. Oh boy, was I underwhelmed.

Baddiel, which seems to be somewhat famous in the UK, opens his book with a set of whataboutisms that proliferate across it, comparing some ridiculous cases like Jewish characters in a media not being played by Jewish actors to blackface and cishet people portraying GRSM characters. Considering how European Jews have always been distinctively present in the showbiz (something that the author does recon) and how actual antisemite attacks are at an all-time high, this really should be the least of our worries right now. I do, however, that independently of Jewish actors or not, there’s a need for more Jewish-themed media, as despite having for more than a century to create an infinite amount of content, Jews had to be censured many times and not allowed to introduce actual things from our culture, having to introduce either coded or secularly ambiguous enough mannerisms, many of which are now synonym with acting. The rest of the book follow this logic, although peppered with some better arguments for his cause, still made mostly of whataboutisms and anecdotes, with no actual resolution.

Besides what I’ve already stated, I didn’t really know what was bothering me so much. I mean, it’s a book about Jewish people, on a specific topic I’m curious of, defending a position I technically agree with. Why shouldn’t I like it? Than it hit me: the identity politics and allyship culture Baddiel criticises so much (or more specifically, their antisemitic aspect) are exactly what he uses to base his whole Jewish identity, which is completely irreconcilable with my reality.

To me, Jewish identity is active. It’s going to shul, praying at home, telling Jewish jokes (ok, this is something he seems to like), reading a Jewish book, chanting jewish hymns, cooking and eating Jewish dishes, partaking in seudot, going to a stranger’s sheva brachot, trading mishloach manot (it’s definitely not a coincidence these last ones are food-re

I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.

Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.

The nurse asked the rabbit, “what is your blood type?”

“I am probably a type O” said the rabbit.

Mentos

(I will see myself out)

The doctor says it terminal.

Alot of great jokes get posted here! However just because you have a joke, doesn't mean it's a dad joke.

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NSFW, THIS IS ABOUT LONG JOKES, BLONDE JOKES, SEXUAL JOKES, KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, POLITICAL JOKES, ETC BEING POSTED IN A DAD JOKE SUB

Try telling these sexual jokes that get posted here, to your kid and see how your spouse likes it.. if that goes well, Try telling one of your friends kid about your sex life being like Coca cola, first it was normal, than light and now zero , and see if the parents are OK with you telling their kid the "dad joke"

I'm not even referencing the NSFW, I'm saying Dad jokes are corny, and sometimes painful, not sexual

So check out r/jokes for all types of jokes

r/unclejokes for dirty jokes

r/3amjokes for real weird and alot of OC

r/cleandadjokes If your really sick of seeing not dad jokes in r/dadjokes

Punchline !

Edit: this is not a post about NSFW , This is about jokes, knock knock jokes, blonde jokes, political jokes etc being posted in a dad joke sub

Edit 2: don't touch the thermostat

Do your worst!

How the hell am I suppose to know when it’s raining in Sweden?

Mathematical puns makes me number

We told her she can lean on us for support. Although, we are going to have to change her driver's license, her height is going down by a foot. I don't want to go too far out on a limb here but it better not be a hack job.

Ants don’t even have the concept fathers, let alone a good dad joke. Keep r/ants out of my r/dadjokes.

But no, seriously. I understand rule 7 is great to have intelligent discussion, but sometimes it feels like 1 in 10 posts here is someone getting upset about the jokes on this sub. Let the mods deal with it, they regulate the sub.

They were cooked in Greece.

I'm surprised it hasn't decade.

He lost May

Now that I listen to albums, I hardly ever leave the house.

Said if she ever hosts a gender reveal party, when it comes time to pop the balloon she'll spray everyone with water.

Gender is fluid.

Don't you know a good pun is its own reword?

Two muffins are in an oven, one muffin looks at the other and says "is it just me, or is it hot in here?"

Then the other muffin says "AHH, TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

But let me give it a shot.

For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.

I said "hey look, an escaPEA"

No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!

Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂

It really does, I swear!

He’s the new temp.

And now I’m cannelloni

Because she wanted to see the task manager.

And boy are my arms legs.

But that’s comparing apples to oranges

Amy

Put it on my bill

Heard they've been doing some shady business.

but then I remembered it was ground this morning.

Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale

Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments

They’re on standbi

BamBOO!

A play on words.

Calcium, nickel, neon