My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I'd put the mask on before I left for work this morning......
Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey
My ex left me because I was determined to buy van and sell spaghetti out of the back, she told me it wouldn’t work
Should have seen her face when I drove pasta
My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied “baby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
My girlfriend left me because of my gambling addiction. She claimed I was an idiot.
She's no better.
Unfortunately, my wife left me recently because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.
And then I saw her face...
(Adapted from a youtube comment)
My wife left me because she said I have a Linken Park obsession
But in the end. It doesn't even matter.
My wife told me to flip off the thermostat before we left the house. I don’t think she appreciated how I followed her instructions.
My girlfriend just left me. She said I wasn't paying enough attention to her.
Or something like that.
My girlfriend left me because I didn't answer her when she asked me for an eleven letter synonym of "complex".
It's complicated
My girlfriend and I were traveling thru Kentucky where we stayed at a lodge. She told me a humorous story out to the left of the wall of the building...
It was an inn-side joke.
My girlfriend broke up with me and said she never wanted to see me again, so I left and took her wheelchair with me
Guess who just came crawling back?
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today... She wrote it on a sticky note
My girl left me because she found out I was the lunatic brother of Ed
Sheeran away
Before I left for camp, my mom said she was taking me shopping for toiletries. My dad said, don't be ridiculous...
Toilets don't grow on trees.
Romantic interest at work left these for me to find aftee my shift...I think she's a keeper
https://imgur.com/a/JBPDX
When she just up and left me... medium.com/@kyle_freeman/…
I saw a tabloid about a celebrity couple, claiming it could tell me Why She Left
But the real question is why she right?
