Semi On Puns

She was hauling adze!

Damage was estimated at nearly $14.

"Man, I wish I was that rich, that I could just send my lawn out to be mowed!"

When I was about 5 years old, my dad told the greatest dad joke. He’d be driving the family through our neighborhood and would say “Look! A man wearing a dress!” My siblings and I would look around and laugh with my dad. We loved when he would say this (it was like an absurd scavenger hunt) but my mother absolutely hated it. “Where? What are you talking about Tom?!” She actually got angry since she couldn’t see the man wearing a dress either. Since he would do this on a semi-regular basis to make us laugh, it became a problem with my mom and she ended up getting so angry as to forbid him saying it ever again.

I never really understood what was going on since I was so young, but I really missed the man wearing a dress joke. At one point, I thought the joke referenced a nearby business with a kilted man for a mascot. A few years ago, I asked my dad what the joke was.

“Oh! It wasn’t the sign,” he told me. “We had a family in the neighborhood with the last name ‘Manwaring’. When we would drive by their house, I’d point at their mailbox and say ‘Look, a Manwaring address!’”

I was too young to read at the time so it took 20 years to be in on his brilliant pun.

We where at the table having lunch and eating the dessert, the dessert were some pre-made waffles that my mom had bought with ice cream on top, and the waffles where old and they had stayed on the freezer until we needed them, for some reason we started talking about how old the waffles where when my dad said with a semi-serious face: "theyre already from the last year" and stupid me reply with "already" to wich my dad just says that all food on the table was from a year ago and i finnaly realise it.

I’m now SEMI-retired.

Courtesy of a contestant on Wheel of Fortune.

I am now semi retired! (Just saw this on Wheel of Fortune!)

I'm planning a murder mystery game (you know, where everyone has a character and whatever) and they always have pun titles, but I'm stuck.

It's set in the future, in a semi-dystopian steam punk-inspired kinda setting. A scientist was murdered, while doing research into a new drug that would have had questionable effects on society. I know it's not much to go by, but any ideas?

EDIT: thanks heaps everyone! You guys are awesome!

So, my town has a major highway that runs through it, and a bridge that people can walk over. Well, some guy decides to tie a ball to a string and dangle it over the side of the bridge. That way, any car that goes under the bridge will think they hit something and the guy could have a good laugh. Well, a semi comes through, and the ball gets caught on the mirror. The guy's arm gets ripped clean off, and he's sent to the hospital right away. The truck driver gets pulled over as he's passing through another town. The arm is still dangling from the mirror. The truck driver is then arrested, for armed robbery. (Badum-tsss) (Thank you, thank you. I can't wait to get 3 whole karma for this one.)

Once upon a time, there was a little red man who lived in a little red house and lived a happy little red life

One day, the Little Red Man decided to take a shower. while he was showering, he heard a little red knock on his little red door echo through his little red halls and into his little red ear. He got out of the little red shower and wrapped a little red towel around his little red waist and went to the door

At the door was an little old lady who was doorknocking for charity. just as he was making a donation,a breeze went by and the little red man's little red towel blew off his little red waist. The little old lady was shocked at his sudden exposure and ran across the road. as she was half way across, she was hit by a semi-trailer.

The moral of the story is: Don't cross The Road when The Little Red Man is Flashing.

Dad sees a semi truck hauling hay with a blown tire on the side of road

Dad: "Hay... that blows..."

Me: "Dammit, Dad..."

We get in the car ready for a long car ride and my friend brings up that he got an MRI on his back.

Friend:Ya it was in a semi truck

Dad:That's weird, how long ago was it

Friend: about a week ago

Mom:Would you say a "weak back"

Was driving on the interstate when a semi carrying stacks of hay cut me off.

At that moment I screamed "Hay!" And pointed to the stacks of hay.

I was laughing so hard while my friends in the car just shook their heads...

So we were in the car going to King's Island to spend the day, and while we were on the highway, there was a semi and a horse trailer in front of us.

Me: Are those horses?

Him: No, those are trucks.

I have never sighed so hard in my life.

Dad and I were having a semi-serious discussion on privacy laws, the internet and stuff like that.

DAD: I was reading a study the other day, and you know what country receives most spam e-mails per citizen by day?

ME: No, I didn't even know the country would influence that...

DAD: Yeah, turns out SPAIM is on top of the list...

ME: .............

DAD: (laughs like a fucking maniac for almost a minute)

Once upon a time in the 80’s, the religious supreme ruler of a middle eastern country fled outside military forces seeking to strip him of his power using whatever means necessary. Fearing for his life, he was secretly smuggled into the US where he reluctantly shaved his beard and attempted to blend in.

He successfully went native and got an apartment, and soon realized he needed a job to pay for food and rent. He didn't want to do any sort of manual labor or serve others, as he craved comfortable control. He eventually became a toll booth operator, where he enjoyed sitting in his high chair, making people pay him so that he would grant them passage. Over time he grew bold and began to use his own judgment on what vehicles would pay him for his blessing to cross.

One day, two semi-tractor trailer beverage trucks were in his line, a Pepsi truck in front, and a Coke truck behind. The Pepsi truck pulled up and he said "Pepsi truck, you may pass for free." The Pepsi truck driver happily accepted, and over his CB radio told the Coke truck driver “This guy just let me through for free!”. When the Coke truck pulled up, hoping to also pass for free, the toll booth dictator said "Coke truck, you will pay me 100 of your American dollars."

The Coke truck driver was livid, and said "You let that Pepsi truck pass for free! You want me to pay 100 dollars?! That’s outrageous! I am going to report this! What is your name?!" Our toll booth operator proudly replied "Ayatollah Cokemainly."

Backstory: On a big truck a Super Single is a tire that is twice as wide as a traditional semi tire so you only need two tires per axle instead of four. My dad just bought a set for his truck.

Me: How are those Super Singles treatin' ya?

Dad: You should know, you are one!