Seeing Blind Puns

"No thanks, just looking around."

I told her how happy I was and she got mad and said she didn't want to see me anymore... I really don't understand women sometimes.

It’s either really terrible news or really great news.

Pissed on the blind man's shoes.

The blind man said, "here rover, here's a piece of beef for you."

His wife said, "Don't reward him. You can't just let that pass."

The blind man said, "I gotta find his mouth, so I can kick him in the ass."

Then he sat down with his hammer and saw.

No, well he didn’t see you either

looking through a knothole in a barbed wire fence

He's married.

Anything you want to call them, they cannot hear.

He picked up the hammer and saw.

(my dad told this all the time. I am continuing on with the tradition...)

Reading to his deaf son

Neither did he

Let there be sight!

Then I asked him "What color is Jack?"

Bubble gum

"See ya later said the blind man!"

as he picked up his hammer and saw.

My dad used to make this joke all the time and it took me years to get it... Drove me insane.

These go on for days all based on similar puns

And the tables and chairs.

One said to the other i wont get the job i not good at questions. Dont worry said the other i go in first and i will tell you the answers? So he goes in the boss said to him; If i poke you in the left eye what would happen. I would go half blind. If i poke you right eye what would happen. I would go fully blind. Congratulations you have got the job. Send the other candidate in. As the other candidate was going in the he said the answers are Half blind and Fully blind. Thanks mate and goes to see the boss. Right said the boss if i cut your ear off what would happen. I would go half blind. Okay said the boss if i cut your other ear off what would happen. I would go fully blind. The boss looks puzzled and said how do you make that out. He said thats obvious.

My cap would fall over my eyes!!

So my girlfriend and I are both in college and I'm at her dorm waiting for her to get ready for class. She takes off her glasses and starts looking through her drawer when she says "Aw why did I do this to myself? I ran out of contacts"

I go "Babe, if it's more friends that you need, we can go out tonight and meet new people"

After the usual eye roll she goes "No I wanna see"

To which I reply, "Why would you want a C? I'm shooting for at least a B or an A in all of my classes"

That was probably the heaviest sigh I've ever heard from her

*walks in room*
Dad: Hey Lach, guess who I saw today.
Me: Who?
Dad: Everyone I looked at hahaha
*leaves room*

^EDIT: ^My ^name ^is ^Lachlan, ^a ^common ^name ^in ^Australia, ^and ^my ^parents ^do ^refer ^to ^me ^as ^Lach ^for ^short.

It doesn't matter, it can't hear you anyway.

EDIT: Credit to my Economics teacher

I didn't see that one coming.

...it was all kind of a blur.

As he picked up his hammer and saw.

Because he's married.

...as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Because he was married and had three children

As he picked up a hammer and saw.

as he picked up his hammer and saw

As he picked up his hammer and saw.

As he reached for his hammer and saw.

Because he was blind

"You're a liar" said the Deaf Man.

And he picked up his hammer and saw

My grandfather's favorite dad joke.

as he picked up his hammer and saw