I guess it can really get rubbed the wrong way
Every time he scoops some into his protein shake I go "Are you going to weigh it out, or just scoop it?" Followed by a beautiful groan
It was an ice cream scoop.
We had those Tostitos Scoops chips and I found a chip that was flat, so it apparently hadn't gone through the machine that makes it into the bowl shape. Showed my dad and he said "I guess we'll have to talk to the Scoopervisor."
To me this was the moment I knew my girlfriend was a pun master.
Going to the kitchen to grab some more food, my girlfriend happened to be standing there. As a was scooping seconds of dinner she said something and I said one second.. She said "no seconds" as the scoop hit the plate and the words left my mouth.. Two puns at once! I was impressed and amazed needed to post it.
This happened about 5 minutes ago; Dad: Son, go out and scoop the poop. See that crap over there? Yeah, the dog pooped on the deck, so get it all.
Son: (with a smirk on his face) So it's the poop deck? Hahahaha!!
We all laughed!
Today I attempted for the first time ever to make my own mozzarella. I had my mom help me out because some of the instructions were very exact and I needed some extra hands. As we're scooping the curds from the pot and straining it I paused and said:
"Hang on a second, let me get that out of the whey."
We both stood there laughing for a bit, it was so bad it was good.
So I asked for a bowl or dish to scoop up the excess sauce into.
My aunt handed me a little tiny plate and said "Its not a bowl, but this should do"
"That's okay, this SAUCE-er will work just fine!"
They loved it.
I was upstairs talking to my dad when my little sister came in. My dad had promised that we could have Coke Floats today. (For the uninitiated, a Coke Float is when you get a few scoops of vanilla ice cream, put it in a glass, and pour Coca Cola on it.) So my little sister remembers about the Coke Float thing and starts jumping up and down going, "Coke Floats! Coke Floats! Coke Floats!" My dad just stands there with this really confused look on his face and quietly says, "...I thought Coke sank?"
One student in culinary was getting flour from the bottom of a bin used to hold it. Since there wasnt much, it takes a couple tries to get a few scoops. So naturally:
"Hey student, looks like you're really scraping the bottom of the barrel
Few people laughed so I followed up with "screw you that's funny"
Grandpa: Yes ma'am I'd like the baked fish please Server: trying to scoop up fish but keeps dropping it Grandpa: The fish just aren't biting today are they! Server: fish breaks in half this time when she drops it Grandpa: Guess we'll have to throw that one back!
Dad: Hey, do you think that pool water is pasteurized?
Me: Why would they pasteurize the pool water?
Dad: If you scoop some up in in your hands and splash it on your face then it would be past your eyes!
I dad joked my wife last night with the help of our 3mo old daughter.
It was time for Marlene (my 3mo old daughter) to get in to her PJs and get ready for bed. I scooped her up and flew her through the air (making rocket noises of course) and headed upstairs to change her diaper and get her in to her PJs. As I was flying her away from my wife. I said in my "Marlene Voice" (which actually sounds like Cartman),
>"Maam... When I come back, I'm going to be a changed woman!"
So I went and changed her diaper and got her in to her PJs which is a royal purple footed PJ outfit, and flew her back downstairs. When I got back downstairs I said, again in my Marlene voice,
>"Maam! I'm a changed woman! Changed in to a grape! Just don't make me angry!"
And my wife asked, >"Why shouldn't I make you angry?"
To which I replied as Marlene, >"Because then you will have to face my wrath!"
My dad would give me a scoop of green peas and then say, "Ha ha! I just pea-d on your plate and your gonna eat it!"
This isn't a joke that came from a dad or anything but I hope it's worthy!
My father started waiting in 1979 and took one of his first jobs at this extremely fancy and expensive restaurant. The type of place that the waiters wore tuxedos and whatnot. Anyways my dad worked with this guy named Froggy (nickname of course) whom my dad still praises to this day that he's one of the best waiters he's ever worked with.
Anyways, one night it's extremely busy and both my father and Froggy were rushing around trying to keep up. Well Froggy had this table with about 5-7 people all who looked like they wore expensive clothing, ordered the best food and so on. Well one of the guys ordered a baked potato as a side and Froggy proceeds with typical waiter stuff as asks if he wanted sour cream with his baked potato. The man says yes so Froggy scoops the cream and attempts to place it on the potato. Well... as he was moving to place it on, the cream slipped off and right onto this guys extremely expensive sweater... Completely in shock, the customer turns to Froggy and without missing a beat, Froggy slowly turns his head in a comical fashion towards the ceiling and proclaims "Those damn pigeons!"
Needless to say every single person in that table were crying with laughter, including my father one table over who observed the whole ordeal. Froggy said he'd pay for the dry cleaning and the customer said not to worry about it because it was the most hilarious thing he's seen in ages.
My mom had come to visit me for the first time since I got married. She'd never been around cats before. In the morning when we were getting ready our cat start crying to be fed. My mom offered to do it and headed off before I could say anything.
We always give our cat 1/3 of a scoop 3 times a day, but I saw that my mom had given her an entire scoop. I said, "You just gave her the whole day's food in one fell scoop!
