True story, just happened, proud of myself: Dog starts barking furiously out of nowhere. Come to the door to see she's startled a pair of guys from a roofing company who've come to fix a hole where squirrels are getting in.
"Sorry about her. Her specialty is also roofing."
Blank stares. My talents are so wasted without kids.
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
A squirrel chewed through a wire and then ran off.
I saw a squirrel running in circles in my yard today…
I think it lost its nuts.
My Dad and I watched a squirrel get spun off a bird feeder…
When the squirrel did it again, Dad said that the squirrel was absolutely nuts.
A SQL query goes to a restaurant, walks up to 2 tables and says
Why do neutered dogs always chase squirrels?
They’re trying to get their nuts back.
I asked a lawyer how much he charges his clients. $100 for 3 questions he said.
$100 ! Isn't that a bit expensive I asked.....Yes it is he replied, now what's your 3rd question.
How much did the squirrel pay for the car?
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.
Judge: What?
Lawyer: He's in a cent.
Judge: You're going to jail with him.
Girl friends and clients are like opposites.
Easy to get a girlfriend. Very difficult to put an end to it.
Difficult to get a client. Very easy to put an end to it.
My eye doctor told me I have some of the worst vision of any of his clients today
Didn't see that one coming
Why do squirrels swim on their back?
I just got thrown out of my local park for arranging the squirrels by height.
They didn’t like my critter sizing.
I recently got fired from a bank teller position when asked to check a client’s balance.
How do you get a squirrel to like you ?
My senile old father came out into the yard, as my kid was feeding the squirrels and started yelling, "Shooo! Shooo!" At them.
I just didn't have the heart to tell him they were squirrels; not shoes. As long as he doesn't try to put them on again. That got messy.
You want to know where dads store all the dad jokes?
They store it in dad-a-base.
Imade a similar one a few days ago bit i fpund more squirrels
Where do Squirrels go during Hurricanes?
It depends on which direction the wind is blowing.
Husband: Excuse me, I have to call my client quickly
My response: why did he change his name to quickly?
I found what looked like a kitten frozen in my iced-over pool. I dug it out and let it defrost, it turned out to be a big squirrel.
I thought I thaw a pussycat.
How do you call a gay squirrel
How do you make friends with a squirrel?
Climb up a tree and act like a nut!
I got kicked out of the park for lining squirrels up by height...
They said I was too critter-sizing
Why didn’t the squirrel cross the telephone line?
What do you call a space travelling squirrel?
I recently moved from California to West Virginia and discovered both have the same squirrels.
Except here, they’re in the freezer and buckshot is a side dish.
What does a squirrel do when it loses its mind
I'd make fun of what squirrels eat
But it'd be acorn-y joke.
I was thrown out of the local park for arranging the squirrels by height...
Apparently they just can’t take a little critter-sizing!
New clients will flock to these guys
How did the insane person become a squirrels friend?
squirrel told me a joke
A Squirrel just told me a Joke, it was Nuts
Some squirrels had a party last night
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
Why do squirrels swim on their back ?
Lawyer says, my client is trapped in a penny
"How do you get a squirrel to like you?"
I got thrown out of my local park after arranging the squirrels by height.....
They didn’t like me critter sizing.
How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Why does a squirrel swim on its back?
I got thrown out of the park for measuring the squirrels
I guess they didn't want me critter sizing.
How do you get a squirrel to like you ?
How do you get a squirrel to lien you
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