A man attends a funeral for his best friend. He approaches the grieving widow, gestures to the podium and asks; "May I say a word?" The widow responds "Of course.."

The man stands up and speaks "Plethora." and steps back down.

"Thank you..." says the Widow, "that really means a lot."

EDIT The responses here are incredible! πŸ‘Œ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lady_emily_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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No-one laughs when I respond to "How was the gym?" with

"Heavy."

It's like my jokes carry no weight.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Inarus06
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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How does the muslim butcher respond when someone cracks a joke?

"Ha Lol"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adithya_Meher
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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Traveling with my nine year old, and he observed that our gate in Hartford was A6, and our gate in Baltimore is B6. I respond that it's raining so hard we'll take a boat home...

...then we'll be C6.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunstoned1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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I go to the store and buy 2 eggs, a loaf of bread, and some milk. The cashier says β€œyou must be single” and I respond with β€œhow did you know?”

She responded, β€œ because you are ugly!”

πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Just got lowballed. $5 for my guitar. Best way to respond?
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotWilliam69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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It's the opposite day and my friend challenges me in tic tac toe. when it's his turn, he grabs the pencil by his foot. I ask him why and he responds:

"I'm playing the toe tactic"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aglaz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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Some students needed help calculating the number of food and drinks they'd need for a party. Their teacher responds...

"What's the equation? (occasion)"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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He's too tired to respond
πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ch1ckenat0r
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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The guy running my town is awful. He doesn’t respond to phone calls because he only works after dark.

He’s a total night mayor.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
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My Dad comes into my room looking really worried, I ask him what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help, He responds by saying "I lost the book which had all the photos and message from my friends"

Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.

Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"

And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ancil5199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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How did Pakistan's Nobel Laureate physicist Abdus Salam respond to greetings?

Yes, that's me. Is that it?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madjholu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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Scrooge awakens in the night to an apparition; he asks: β€œWho are you?” His dead gastroenterologist responds:

β€œI am the ghost of gasses passed.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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I called my wife and told her that I’ll pick up Fish and Chips on the way from work. She didn’t respond.

She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.

πŸ‘︎ 581
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
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Jake, Alex, and Matt are preparing for a wedding. Jake tells Alex, β€œI tried on a new suit today.” Alex responds, β€œHas Matt?”

Jake says, β€œNo, just a regular suit.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iamayurt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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A sheep dog tells a farmer, "I've gathered up 40 sheep". The farmer replies, "But we only have 37 sheep?" The dog responds..

"I've rounded them up"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DipNotes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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How does a door respond if you bust it down?

It becomes unhinged

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Cattle Farmers respond to Federal Agents burning marijuana fields next door.

"In these troubled times, the steaks have never been higher."

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Krumm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
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How many germans does it take to make and respond to a dad joke

Nein

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartanicus2003
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Nintendo responds to ​memes
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blue-Mage913
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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I'm so stupidly proud of myself for this message that I don't even care if he responds to me.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/photosynthes1s
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
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At a funeral a man sits Behind the woman who’s husband just died. The man leans forward and asks, β€œdo u mind if I say a word?” she responds, β€œNot at all, please do.” the man stands up and says β€œplethora” and sits back down.

β€œThanks,” said the woman, β€œthat means a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turboboob
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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You can always count on my dad to respond to everything with a dad joke.

So my mom has a phobia of mice and she found one in my old room (I’m away at college). My dad said he would β€œtake care of it”, which he did, but then the cat killed another one and so she’s upset and was texting my dad things like β€œI can’t live here knowing there’s mice, it’s been nice knowing you.” And my dad’s first response was β€œyou saying it’s been mice knowing me?” Such a classic dad move, I laughed so hard even though I probably shouldn’t have.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dixiecup3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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How do you respond to a pun?
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uncoded_decimal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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A Scottish piece of copper wire walks into a bar, and his friend challenges him to drink a pint of beer in under 2 seconds. He responds...

I conduit

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jman2600
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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Whenever my friend Stephen asks me to do him a favour, I always respond the same way.

I say, β€œYou’re not my real hen!”, and then walk away.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Once upon a time, a wolf insulted a cow. How did the cow respond ?

He said, "Don't call me a cow word."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l1mebs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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What do they call a grandma that’s quick to respond?

...an InstaGram.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alltime75
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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What do you call the awkward quiet that comes with sending someone your location on WhatsApp and they do not respond?

Pin drop silence

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
PSA: don't forget the " took you a year to respond" joke.

Now that 2019 is around the corner, you can achieve ultimate dad stats by sending a message to your contacts near the end of 2018. Then, send "Why did you wait a year to respond ?".

This only works once a year so be prepared.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaDankAccount
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
2 paramedics respond to a call for a lady with an infected hangnail on her big toe.

One paramedic looks at the other and says, β€œshe doesn’t need an ambulance, she needs a toe truck!”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yosup01
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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My friend is sick so I tried to cheer her up. She did not respond.
πŸ‘︎ 181
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnorexicBuddha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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When the zoologist knew how the black bird was gonna respond, what they say ?

THAT'S SO RAVEN

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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How did my dad respond to the girl i brought home with me who harvests honey?

She’s a keeper!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
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I texted my wife that I’ll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. She didn’t respond.

I think she regrets letting me name our kids.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2018
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What I send my friends when they respond hours later.
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xXReaperXx12
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2015
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Owners of the produce company whose lettuce truck crashed respond to inquiries...

> We had to let the driver go. Heads did roll.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/onejdc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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I email my kids Dad jokes daily, but they never seem to respond.

They probably installed Dadblock Plus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My dog only responds to commands spoken in Spanish...

He’s Espanyol.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
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They're making engines that hear and respond to voices.

That's a real step forward in enginEARing

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theycallmeDamon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
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Redditor responds to a translation of a Czech video reddit.com/r/sports/comme…
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/archerinwood
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2017
🚨︎ report
NRL player breaks arm live on TV. Host responds by stating "We're going to go to a break" youtube.com/watch?v=4BVjv…
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gmc_doddy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
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How I respond when my Vietnamese friend asks if I want to go out to eat.

pho sure!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stephsandy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2012
🚨︎ report
I've always got on well with my dog. Problem is, she only responds to commands in Spanish.

She's Espanyol.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Every time I'd ask him he'd respond the same way

When ever I'd try to tell my dad something the conversation would usually go like this:

Me: Hey Dad, you know what?

Dad: No, not personally cue uncontrollable giggling

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtwolf55
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
🚨︎ report
I called my wife and told her that I will pick up Fish and Chips on the way home from work. She didn not respond.

She is still mad about the names I gave our kids.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report

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